Couch 224: 2day, 2morrow, 4evah!

Me likee.

I signed up for a 4 hour Zoom workshop that's happening tomorrow, about dream tending. I'm excited for it, and am really hoping I remember a dream tonight. I'm supposed to be paying attention to my dreams in the days approaching the workshop, and of course have not remembered any. Just my luck haha. Hopefully tonight will be different! I'm heading to bed now. Night couchies!

I was always the one who just wanted everyone to do their job and not get wadded up about mine. I carry a lot of disaster preparedness stuff. I have water proof matches, a cell phone, a back up cell phone, laminated emergency contact info, maps (although I am terrible at reading a map), back up food and water, some water purification tablets, two first aid kits (one is mostly my "learn to suture" kit from amazon) etc.
Running into me is like running into a general store/surgery.

Why on earth would you ask a stranger permission to quit a class thing that has no bearing on anyone? And why would you listen to her if she actually gave her opinion?
I find that part crazier than the part where a middle aged person is continuing to go to a class she hates

I use a rubber broom on hard floors for cat hair. For friends with carpet, use a carpet rake first.

Pet hair is awful for vacuum cleaners according to my local cat groups haha.

My sessions have variable time depending on how anxious I am, how much I dissociate etc.

She'll be fine, daff. She's had lots of time to develop her skills and she's got friends to share the driving. It'll be a great experience for her. Hugs. I think the trip would be WAY harder with 2 littles. You were brave!

I decided to take my obnoxious too-tall spawn away from the four walls we've been staring at for the last year and stare out the window at the ocean instead. Even with my three giant people in a tiny rental (with huge windows) there is something lovely about being inside and cozy while the wind is blowing. It's been pouring rain off and on too. We saw a rainbow and a bald eagle on the way. We all brought our various electronics so the plan is for us to spend a very exciting day listening to the ocean while we do our homework together. We'll see...I saw pictionary and uno and a kitten jigsaw puzzle in the game cupboard so it may get a LOT more exciting in here.

Start small grow tall. I know you will get there. I would ask your sister to keep you company too, as it's harder to drop out if there's someone pushing you too.

I asked my sister what would motivate her to go to the park- she said "noodles". So keep bribing her.

That sounds lovely.

Gender psychiatrist said she thinks I had DID when younger and it could be OSDD or DID now.

I didn't say the selves who newly came out to me (they were hidden before from me) are alters, just described them alongside how I'd feel when they took over. And things my partner, friend I live with, and my therapist said. She called them alters and my regular psychiatrist will follow up and probably formally test me.

I told T I feel I must be malingering or have developed a factitious disorder. She said no to both and why. She said my family has gaslit me so much that I have internalised their views and heavily self doubt.

I said I don't feel the abuse I remember was bad enough. She said I alone have a lot of trauma and the 2 alters I know of have said they hold trauma I don't remember.

I asked her how could my family not notice what my partner noticed (over phone, video call, text chats, in person) the consistently stark differences when I switched to Teen Alter because my family lived with me.

Trigger



It's hard to... accept I have "enough" trauma for dissociative parts of the personality.

And in therapy we discussed related things but basically I have to accept I'm not making these selves up as much as I wish I am. Because one self shows me she's real by making my control of my body difficult.

And although I don't remember telling my T this, my T says I've shared with her that every time I think "I'm making this up", that self reacts strongly such as by arguing with me.

I see my regular psychiatrist in about 1 and a half months.

QM - I need to look up exactly what is meant by the expression "a diamond in the rough." Is there stuff crusted on us from trauma hiding our true diamond self? Almost all my life i have thought, "this isnt really me, not how i really feel, not who i really am, not what im really like, not where i belong." My brother often says im a good actor. Not as a compliment. I kind of know what he means. But i dont think he knows the real me either. Its like chaos theory - his observation of me changes me. If thats what chaos theory is!

I'm not sure what that expression means too... but then like... it's like I'm having an identity crisis because my life thinking I'm 1 person in 1 body is shattered. My T did say trauma doesn't define me (and I agree) but then "I" never was. Because the child with the legal name never integrated self states and I'm just a part myself. Yes me and all alters make up a whole but I'm not the real one, I'm just another alter. The real one never formed. If I make sense.

That makes sense. I never recognize myself in the mirror. In photos, i would say thats the person who is going around as me, but it doesnt look like me. But i dont know what that means. I do think other people look like themselves. They own their faces in a way i dont understand.

Something like that. Hugs.

The diamond in the rough brings up Aladdin for me. He had the characteristics of a prince, but was a "street rat" to others because they couldn't look past his original appearance.

Malcom from Jurrasic park explained it with water drops, yours made sense too.

Why did I not realize Info was Italian? Incidentally, I'm 1/4 Italian (though my 23andme profile says less than that).

Good girl syndrome. Messages from childhood. Just my guess.

You'd make for an interesting advice columnist. All of your answers would end with: "And why are you asking me, anyway?" Or maybe that would be the entire answer.

I would be perplexed if someone asked me such a thing. I just don't know why someone would seek permission from a stranger to quit something that has absolutely no impact on either of them. Life Of Brian - "You are all individuals" - YouTube

I got my covid appt for shot1, this tuesday. Its only on the other holy heck other side of town halfway to Canada, but who's counting. Really its like 4 counties away.