Couch 224: 2day, 2morrow, 4evah!

I have tried to find an art therapist but the only one i can find is in the local private clinic who charges $200 a session. I cant find any that are registered with the Art Therapy accreditation council in my area.

L has learned over the years that some of the time when I said "I don't know" what I really mean is "I don't want to say". But it's not EVERY time. Sometimes I really don't know. She's somehow decided that it means "I don't want to say" a lot more often than it actually does. I admit though it is also a bit of a crutch for me, I guess I'd call it, because I say it a lot in this manner (for example): "when i was working with that dream it felt like it was telling me that I need to do such-and-such idon'tknow". I do that a lot.

That i dont knmow on the end sound s like my 'so' that i end sentences with when i dont quite know how to end the thought i had.

I've never been good at teaching - except swimming. I was a good swimming instructor, for some reason. Crochet, I tried to teach my sister but she just got aggravated with me and learned it from a book instead haha. The videos are hard for me to learn from, for crochet/knit unless they have their camera filming it from the same pov as i'd be seeing it while doing it you know? I wish I could remember when my grandma was actually teaching me. I do have memories of us sitting together and crocheting, her in her chair and me on the couch, while my grandpa watched tv in the background. But i can't recall her actually teaching me. Probably because i got frustrated so much. Especially when she'd make me rip out back to my mistakes and do it over. Glad now that she taught me that way, my stuff looks really good because I still just automatically frog and redo whenever I catch a mistake.

I I told the woman I don't know - it was usually more I don't know what question you asked me. I could answer in a 100 ways -so what are you really asking and then I will know how to answer. She usually said she didn't understand and once more we were at stalemate. If I did not want to answer anything, I just said I am not going to answer it. A few times I had to add in that I saw no reason why I would justify my response to her.

L wants me to be more assertive... and my I don't knows are like the opposite of that.

Do you want to be more assertive?

I am going to challenge myself this coming week to not say those 3 words at all during my session. If I really do not know an answer to a question I will try to remember to say "I do not have that knowledge" or "I had not thought of it that way" or "I need some time to think about that" or even "I an not aware of that". Y'know, come to think of it, "I don't know" can also mean "I do not agree with you" just because I had confrontation so much. "I don't know" appears to be just about as universal as the "F" word in my mind!

Well yes, I do. In just about all areas of my life. I am happy with my level of assertiveness at work with my boss and my team to where I am able to say no (for instance the other day I was asked if I would volunteer to do a pilot of concurrent chat, and I said a resounding NO!), and am able to make suggestions for things that need to change, etc.

But yes with my h, and with my mom, and in therapy too i would like to be more assertive, definitely.

I'm reading a book right now that L suggested called "The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships". I'm not very far into it yet but so far I think it's going to be helpful.

I cancelled my appt. I am having trouble getting a zipcar. Plus really why should i drive so far? Rite aid is still making appts, i will just keep trying there.

We've been trying since they opened it up to 65 & over on 2/18 and finally got h an appointment for his first one on Wednesday. I still have no idea when I'll be eligible.

Ok the roadtrip has been cancelled as our monsoon rains have settled in the roads have been blocked at several places. A bit relieved

Not sure if this is everywhere, but I know in my area, Rite Aid tends to release appointments shortly before midnight each night. I ended up in a Vaccine Hunters Facebook group for my state, so learned all the secrets. CVS tends to release appointments in the mornings. I think maybe Walgreens does, too?

I am happily waiting for the 1 shot one. I figure by the time they get to me, I will a choice or I will just wait. There was little chance I was going to remember to get 2 shots. And by remember, I mean I probably just wouldn't have done it

I do that a lot as a defence mechanism. Because plausible denialability (spelling) kept me marginally safer.

There is something wrong with my memory i was watching Fresh Prince of Bel Air and i thought i remember watching this when i was teenager. Nope i was 23 when it was first aired. I also swear i was 8 when i saw the Famous Five tv show but apparently i was 14 or there about.

Is there a Meyer by you? They are doing it. I had a link somewhere if you want it.

Misidentifying your age at an event is a typical minor memory issue. Very common, not worth worrying about.

It seemed to be super important with 2 of my therapist. Continuos questions about what age and one seemed disbelieving when i could not settle on an age.

And it embarrassing if someone i know remeber s better i feel like i have been lying

I'm getting a cold and I'm happy about it. I think this means I've lived through a pandemic.

Playing around with winter trees this afternoon

Congratulations?
I am getting allergies - that is a sign of spring.

My H just left to take my D to school (first day back in person after nearly a year virtual). I know I drove them nuts by going through the long list of things she needed to have, like her Chromebook, extra face masks, hand sanitizer, water bottle, etc. But we're so out of the routine, and many of these are items she didn't need a year ago (plus she had to bring in all her school supplies again).


Now I'm sitting here in the dead silence (well, aside from my guinea pigs drinking water loudly), trying to get motivated to do the work I need to get done. And trying not to worry about how she'll do at school, with all the new regulations (it's only part of the kids back for now--will likely only be 6 or 7 kids in her classroom till the end of the month, when a few more will be added). I just hope it goes OK...