[tdelorosa]

When my therapist asks me questions about some past events in my life, I literally can't speak. No words come out. I can see the event playing out in my head, and it's almost like I'm so overwhelmed that I literally can't speak.
Anyone else have this problem? How did you deal with it?
I'm worried that my therapist is going to quit because she thinks I'm not trying.

[Elio]

Yes, I have had this problem. My T allows me to bring in written things and she'll read them. I also used to keep a journal in which I would write a lot of this stuff out and I would give to her. She'd read between sessions and with very few exceptions we'd only talk about anything in there if I brought it up. Sometimes, often enough, she'd reference something I said in session to something in my writings. And usually I could write about something roughly 4-6 months before I could verbalize it. Some things have never been talked about.

I know some others have been allowed to write out answers.

What kind of helped was talking about what was going on for me in the silence - not the event but that the event is playing in my head, my body has this feeling or that feeling... and being allowed to provide fragmented phrases not complete thoughts or pictures. We do a lot of touching on a topic then talking about something completely else and circling back. If I get too overwhelmed I will disassociate or just simply shut down. My T also allows the silence. There's times where my jaw is clenched down so badly there is no talking - simply grinding of my teeth as I am preventing myself from speaking. None of that is purposeful. Her acknowledging how hard it is for me to talk about something is helpful most the time. Sometime patronizing. Most the time, it feels good to know I am not being pushed/pressured to talk about something that some part of me isn't ready to talk about.

Today's session was a hard one for me in that arena. I've been seeing my T long enough that we have some of a language and some history to draw on so sometimes when I feel like I can't say what is going on in the here and now, I can sometimes reference something I've already shared with her and let her know that I'm dealing with something similar. And today had lots of one word statements to break through the silence.

[tdelorosa]

Thank you. That would be something I'd be willing to try. I will mention it to my therapist.

[velcro003]

When I was seeing my T in person, I would write down things I could not say and then throw the paper at her. lol.

When I couldn't talk about a topic eventually I got to the place where we could talk about not talking. How it felt to not talk, what I was experiencing at the time, what I feared would happen if I did talk and things like that. T knew I was committed to treatment even though I didn't show it by pushing past my own safeguards before I was ready.

The times I did proceed before I was ready, didnt turn out too well. Others have provided great tools. I too would say one thing where I was happy to be responded to with T's silence. A very long time later when I felt safe enough I'd say another tiny bit like just saying the topic again.

[Brown Owl 2]

I find it hard to answer questions too. Would it be easier if your T asked you less questions, and you led the conversation more?

[ScarletPimpernel]

If I'm struggling answering a question, L will ask me if it's okay if she guesses. She usually gets it pretty quickly. Then all I have to do is shake my head yes or no. That will usually break my silence.

I'll also ask her to lead sometimes because I ha e memory problems. I'll know what the issue is, but not the details. Also she leads, when I don't know how to go about dealing with it.

And as others have mentioned, I wrote to L, a lot. Usually between sessions or sometimes I brimg in something for her to read that I've written.

Oh! And sometimes we share quotes or poems because sometimes they just have better words than what I can communicate.

[nottrustin]

When you say you can see the event in your head do you think you freeze? I have had multiple occasions where this happens. For me it is the freeze part of the Fight-flight-freeze response. When we hit a certain point in discussing my trauma I freeze. I can heat T talking and understand her but I cannot move or talk to her. We discussed this quite a bit and found ways that she could help bring me back to the present...for me it is by touch or sudden noises. When I start to come back to the present but still scared she can as me yes/no questions and I will shake my head to respond.

If you can respond out of fear but you are not frozen, could she ask few questions that you could also respond by either say yes or no or just shake your head?

You should definitely being the subject up to your therapist. Especially of she specializes in trauma, this is likely not a new experience for her.

[Mountaindewed]

When I can’t talk about something difficult I just repeat “I don’t know” to her questions. Or I talk in code and she’ll ask if she can guess it will I tell her. Then she guesses correctly on the first try. I have this really unusual interest and it took me awhile to tell her and I finally had to tell her in email. Now whenever I bring it up I still can’t say what the actual word is but I just start off by saying “it’s kinda awkward...” and she instantly knows what I’m talking about and then we can go from there. She said to me yesterday “is there anything you don’t want me to tell the new therapist?” And I said “don’t tell her about the weird stuff.” And she said “ok” and then went into this speech about self acceptance.

So I guess she understands when I talk in code.

[ann yeltrab]

Sometimes I just have nothing to say which isn't the same as not answering. Could you ask her to ask questions you would have to answer yes or no to?
Other times I have no idea where to begin or how to succinctly explain. I get caught up in the fear that she will be repelled by the petty details of my life. I don't know how a therapist can listen and not be bored or confused by the details of what has hurt me so much but probably sounds childish or selfish to her. Maybe you fear she will not really listen..