[Crook32]

So I have a friend who is really my main support. We met at a group therapy class. Her therapist was running the class and I really liked that T. Only reason I didn’t try her sooner as my new T is because she doesn’t take insurance. But since I have struck out on a dozen Ts I decided to email that group T. She said she might have a filling soon and will let me know next week. My friend is now mad at me and said we can’t talk about therapy and stuff that we need support for anymore. She is being very territorial of her T but technically she was also my T for two months. I hate to have to choose.

[Miss Laura]

I think I would be hurt too your friend that is. Therapy is very personal. You might think it won't create barriers for your friend and yourself but it might. I would if I was your friend be scared to disclose things in fear it got back to the therapist. Not saying you would do that but just incase. It could be very awkward if you get me.

However, doesthe therapist know your friends? If not I would bring it up and see what they say as it could be you don't bring your friendship into therapy. Vice versa with your friend you just do not talk about Therapy when together to stop any mishaps

[Crook32]

Yeah the T knows we are friends and doesn’t have a problem with it. I have shared Ts with friends before with no problems.

[Salmon77]

I think it could be possible to work this out with your friend—maybe you could agree on ground rules, like you don't talk about each other to T or something like that. I don't see why you and your friend couldn't talk to each other about therapy if you had the same therapist. Maybe try discussing with her what bothers her so much about this.

[Crook32]

She is afraid I will sully the fantasy she has for her T.

[stopdog]

I would choose friend over a therapist. Therapists are a dime a dozen, but friends are not.
I think it rarely works for friends to hire the same therapist. At least from what I have seen with people who think they have a connection with the therapist

[ScarletPimpernel]

I would never share my T with someone I know, and none of my Ts would allow that.

[divine1966]

I’d never want my friends to see the same therapist I am seeing. What if I want to discuss that friend with my therapist? That’s a no no in my books. I could understand your friend being upset. It’s not the same as sharing hairdresser

[Lostislost]

My friend started seeing my T once. I thought it would be good for my friend, we were completely different so I didn’t see how it could affect me. But it did. He started saying weird things, like when he mentioned me to my T, he said Ts eyes would light up and that he could tell he loved me.(!)

Then my friend started being abusive towards me. It made me feel sick knowing he could be telling my T these things he had done to me, and my T wasn’t stopping him from doing them. Or was he just lying to T? I don’t know. He really did seem like a completely different T to the one I saw. I don’t know if my friend was telling the truth ever, but one time he said T made him dance in the therapy room. Not to music or anything, just...dance. Anyway I told my friend we could never talk about any therapy issue ever again, and shortly after he quit seeing my T and he has never seen another once since.

So it didn’t work out for me and my friend, but it might be different for you. I can see why she is worried about it killing the fantasy of T for her, because if you say anything that differs from her experience, it really could ruin therapy for her.

[Brown Owl 2]

I would also find it hard if a friend wanted to see the same T, I’d ask them not to. It would bring up all kinds of emotion for me, including jealousy and shame. In your situation I’d choose my friend over the Therapist.

[nottrustin]

I never knew I had a friend who saw my long term T until after the fact. The friend also never knew I saw the same T. After Ts passing I shared her obituary on line as we have several mutual friends and coworkers. My friend responded privately that she also had seen my T in the past and adored her. Some of things she mentioned about T seemed so out of character for her. It was painful for a while. I had to remind myself that I didn't know the details of what happened (nothing abusive or unethical) and that there was a lot going on in Ts life medically and perfessionally at that time.

Also, I it made me rethink what I had said about my son being bullied at school. The friends sonwss one of his bullies before our friendship. It was a very small school and T mentioned at the time she knew of other families that were dealing with the same issue at the school.

Based on these two things, I would be reluctant to see the same T as a good friend. I would worry about what and how I said things and if the friend would say anything contradictory.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I wouldn't particularly have an issue with a friend seeing the same therapist as me (my husband and I actually had the same therapist with absolutely no issues - I've also had students and friends who happened to see my therapist without issues), but I can understand how it can be an issue for some. I am in an area where therapist choices are somewhat limited, particularly on certain insurances, so sometimes it just is what it is.

Friend or therapist? Would definitely depend on how secure that friendship is in the first place. I've never been one to talk about "therapy" stuff with friends, so it would be a non-issue. I just don't like burdening friends with that kind of heavy stuff. Can you simply agree on some boundaries concerning what you discuss personally?

[Merope]

Once a friend asked me for my T’s details and I refused to give them. I explained that it’s a very personal thing and that I feel uncomfortable with him seeing anyone form my life. Luckily he said that he wouldn’t see my friends or family so that was settled. It wouldn’t work for me. I don’t know where the feelings of being territorial come from but they were definitely there when my friend asked to see my T. After I explained things to her, she understood my point of view and found a T of her own.

[Elio]

I don't think this would work for me. I think my biggest issue would be around something that was incongruent to my image of my T. At the same time, I wouldn't want my friend to feel like they had to censor themselves around me or in their therapy.

[Rive.]

That would be a problem for me too. I would not like a friend to see my T. That would be really uncomfortable and frankly, mess everything up.

[nottrustin]

I have, actually, given current Ts contact information to a few people that are more acquaintances than friends. Typically it is women that are looking for a Catholic T. I have asked T if I can give her name to people and tell them she is Catholic. She has said absolutely, as longlng as they were not close friends (she would never see a close friend)

I have successfully resolved dilemmas such as this by not having any friends.

[stopdog]

There was an acquaintance of mine who also hired the first woman. The descriptions we gave were not the same at all. It would not have been thought to be the same woman from how the acquaintance saw the first woman and how I would have described her.

[Favorite Jeans]

I would feel much the way your friend does. It would bother me to know that one of my friends and I saw the same T even if we agreed never to discuss it. I don’t know how well it would work to have a friend with whom I could not ever discuss anything mental-health adjacent. I think it would erode the friendship. But honestly, the friendship would be over as soon as the friend insisted on seeing my T against my express wishes. I know your situation is a little different because this T was also your group T for a time. But not that different.

[elisewin]

If there is plenty of T's to choose from, maybe it is better to pick another one. If there is a lack of T's like there is in some smaller places, then it might not always be possible to avoid seeing the same T. If the friend is a good one and you want to keep them as a friend, it is probably best to listen to them and pick another T.

I don't really know what I would have thought about the same situation, never faced it. When I try to think of it, I feel I would have liked my good friends to see her, because T was great and they are great, and I think it would have been interesting to "compare notes", but people I don't appreciate that much could have gone to other T's!

[Crook32]

I have tried about 13 other Ts in the last 9 months. The only reason I didn’t try this T first is because she doesn’t take insurance. I called her for referrals a few months ago but they didn’t pan out. I know her and like her so I think we will be a good match. I have shared Ts before with friends without a problem. I am don’t even know if she has time for me. She said she would get back to me on the 19th. I am trying not to get my hopes up.

[Miss Laura]

Why her though? Your not gonna know what your like with other therapists if you don't open your horizons. This will not help your relationship with your friend. Your concerned or you wouldn't of posted this email. Majority of folks on here have been of the same thoughts a clear no.... listen to what we are all saying....

Friendship or Therapist.... choose Friendship