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ScarletPimpernel
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#1
It was only one week that I didn't have my second weekly appointment and she already gave that spot to another client
And last night she wasn't going to tell me. She said it's best if we didn't talk about it because it would trigger me. Wtf?!?! I understand she has a business to run, but I thought I was more than just a paycheck to her. I didn't think she would replace me that fast. And now that I can do the twice a week again, she doesn't have a spot for me. I'm so mad! __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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#2
HUGS Scarlet
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LostOnTheTrail
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#3
Ouch, Scarlet. I'm sorry to hear that.
It seems to me that you would have had quite a discussion about this, including contingency for if you were able to go back to twice a week. I hope she's able to help you out at some point soon. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight
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#4
Hugs, Scarlet, I'm so sorry...
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Grand Poohbah
comrademoomoo
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#5
Has she replaced you or is she managing her diary? She can care about you and maintain her practice by supporting other clients. I find it very uncomfortable and incongruous that money is a factor in these intimate relationships where we are so vulnerable, but (in most cases) therapy is a business. It's horrible.
Actually, for me, this wouldn't be about me being a paycheck (she barely charges me for sessions anyway so it's a moot point), but I would feel burnt by the fact that other clients are as important to her as I am! That the tenderness and closeness we share is replicated with other clients in other slots! I mean, cognitively, I know that's true, but being confronted by it like this would hurt. Ugh, this is horrid for you. |
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Wise Elder
ScarletPimpernel
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#6
Quote:
Actually what hurts the most is being replaced, but what pisses me off the most is that she didn't want to tell me because it would trigger me. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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Wise Elder
ScarletPimpernel
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#7
Quote:
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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#8
I would too be upset because that spot should be open for you unless it agreed by both of you. My therapist always makes sure that my spot is open unless we talk about it first.
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LonesomeTonight
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#9
Scarlet, of course you are more than just a paycheck to her. It's clear that she really cares about you. However, if she thought you were switching to once a week for a considerable stretch of time, it does make sense that she would put someone in your regular time slot rather than holding it open. I understand that it hurts, and I'm sure I'd be feeling the same way in your place (I have general times that T holds for me but not an official spot). But please try to focus on the fact that she's making time to fit you in. That is a sign that she cares. Hopefully you will be able to get a regular second spot soon (if not the same one). But for now, she's finding time for you. And that means you are important to her.
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Wise Elder
ScarletPimpernel
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#10
You're right LT, and it still hurts.
Btw, I talked to L about her saying she wanted to avoid it because she didn't want to trigger me. It was a miscommunication. What she meant to say is that we no longer try to schedule that time because that day has now become triggering for me; not that she doesn't want to talk about the triggers themselves. I'm just a complete wreck emotionally, mentally, physically. I spent 2 months preparing for the decrease in frequency, went through the first week, then I have twice a week back but am feeling replaced, to now H just called me and said he doesn't think the job will last longer than a few months. I feel like a punching bag. I'm just emotionally being jerked around. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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#11
Quote:
It can hurt in such a personal way and still not be about you or how she feels about at all. Your feelings can be valid and real and deserving of care but having them doesn’t prove that your reasoning is sound, much less that you know her thoughts. Hugs. This sounds hard. |
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Wise Elder
ScarletPimpernel
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#12
Quote:
I'm just really messed up right now. I think I just need to be with her so I can be in her presence and remember our foundation. I see her tomorrow. I need it. I might even just do a double session and not tell H. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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#13
Oh Scarlet, i really feel for you. It can be pretty darn ouchy when our personal stuff rubs up against the reality of therapy being a job for our Ts. Everyone's already said pretty much everything i would so will just leave you a hug and the hope that your session goes well.
__________________ "Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." - Plato |
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Wise Elder
ScarletPimpernel
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#14
Thank you all for your support and validation.
Update: I had a double session with L yesterday. It went really well. Things are pretty much back to normal except that I still feel like she replaced me. I guess I'll just have to grieve that time slot She said she does have me on the calendar for the next 5 months, so that's good. But it's not a consistent day/time. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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LonesomeTonight
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#15
I'm glad things seem mostly back to normal. I wonder if maybe one of her clients stops seeing her, she'd be able to switch you to a regular time slot for your second session? Even if it's different from your previous one? I'm glad she has you scheduled for 5 months at least.
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Wise Elder
ScarletPimpernel
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#16
Today at 1:30pm would have been my normal time with L. I just am besides myself. It's hurting so bad today. Part of me just wants to end it all. She can easily replace me. She's proven that. I am so angry at her. I don't see this getting any better. I know she has me booked for 5 months AND she still gave away my spot. 1:30pm is going to be so hard for me. I'll forever remember it as a betrayal. It's like when H bought me a huge teddy bear to say he's sorry for lying to me. Now that stupid bear always reminds me he's a liar.
We're supposed to talk about it today, but I'm thinking of canceling. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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SlumberKitty
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#17
I'm sorry you are hurting Scarlet. I would urge you not to cancel your appointment but go and talk it out with L and give yourself a chance to feel better. Gentle HUGS Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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LonesomeTonight
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#18
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ArtleyWilkins
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#19
She didn't replace you. You still are her client. She still cares. You still have your sessions once a week. I know you are hurting, but talk it out. Try to get your rational/wise mind to speak louder than your emotions. You know how much she cares and how dedicated she has been and continues to be to your welfare. She's proven THAT over and over again.
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Wise Elder
ScarletPimpernel
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#20
I tried to cancel with her. She ignored it/flipped it and said she was glad we're having session today.
I'm frustrated. And she didn't answer any of my questions. She is reminding me of T right now where nothing phases her. I'm scared of session and don't want to go. I don't want to deal with this anger and sadness. But I guess I'm going... __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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