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Old 02-23-2021, 01:30 PM   #11
emmaleemochizuki
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

I have noticed that ever since we had to have video sessions instead of f2f my T is always like literally every single time 1 or 2 minutes late. I don't know if it's her clock or something. Interestingly she always finish on time, so I don't know. Our sessions are typically 48 minutes rather than 50. I found it a bit weird at first, but I guess it's ok, just two minutes..
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Old 02-23-2021, 01:40 PM   #12
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

It doesn't bother me I consider it probably a difference in clocks. I have noticed her clock differs from mine by a couple of minutes. She does 55 minute hours and then takes a couple of minutes to quickly write a quick note. So if a client goes over even by a couple of minutes, it can make a big difference Frequently, she will walk out of her office, greet me, and tell me to go into her office while she quickly uses the restroom. For whatever reason my appointment almost always run 70-75 minutes because I am her last person of the day. So I definitely cannot be upset that she is a couple of minutes late. I do wonder if she is more punctual with the clients who she cannot keep for extended sessions.
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Old 02-23-2021, 01:46 PM   #13
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

When too many seconds have passed at the minute and one or two minutes go by and the therapist still hasn't called, I start feeling really anxious. I think that something bad might have happened to her – usually a fear that she fell ill or had a serious medical situation come up. When the therapist said that I'm the only patient who takes issue with her being one minute late in 30 years of her work, it makes me feel really bad about myself. She said that she was mad because it was an impossible standard. I understand that she's human, but I wish she could put it in a gentler way.
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Old 02-23-2021, 01:49 PM   #14
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

A minute? Heck no.

My therapist, I realized really early, actually started his sessions at 10 after and went to the hour (50 minutes). He was late - very consistent actually, just started at a different time.

I am a teacher and a musician, and in those pursuits, I am a slave to clocks and bells, and the old adage about music rehearsals is that if your are 5 minutes early, you are 10 minutes late. LOL. So, outside of those activities, I ignore clocks as much as possible and just relax a bit. I am definitely not a clock watcher in my personal life.

I'm also so used to doctors being late (we spend a lot of time in doctor's offices) that I just learned not to stress about it too much. Life is too short to squabble over a few minutes.

I was never on a time crunch with my therapy appointments because they were after I was done with my work day. I can see if someone was trying to squeeze in an appointment in the middle of their work day or something, that sticking to the time schedule is much more important, and that would be something to discuss with the therapist.
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Old 02-23-2021, 01:51 PM   #15
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mindmechanic View Post
When too many seconds have passed at the minute and one or two minutes go by and the therapist still hasn't called, I start feeling really anxious. I think that something bad might have happened to her – usually a fear that she fell ill or had a serious medical situation come up. When the therapist said that I'm the only patient who takes issue with her being one minute late in 30 years of her work, it makes me feel really bad about myself. She said that she was mad because it was an impossible standard. I understand that she's human, but I wish she could put it in a gentler way.
Sounds like this isn't really about time for you. Something else is going on that you probably should process and then maybe the clock watching will subside a bit.
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Old 02-23-2021, 02:52 PM   #16
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

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The therapist said that in 30 years of working with patients, I'm the only patient who has a problem with it.
Your T has not had Mindmechanic as a client in 30 years either. I would be more concerned with the seemingly dismissive response to your concern and lack of taking responsibility for being late. Even if no one ever again has a complaint T's responsibility is to show up time as agreed.

If it bothers you it's important. If you want it to not bother you then perhaps you all can discuss that too.
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Old 02-23-2021, 02:57 PM   #17
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

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Originally Posted by mindmechanic View Post
When too many seconds have passed at the minute and one or two minutes go by and the therapist still hasn't called, I start feeling really anxious. I think that something bad might have happened to her – usually a fear that she fell ill or had a serious medical situation come up. When the therapist said that I'm the only patient who takes issue with her being one minute late in 30 years of her work, it makes me feel really bad about myself. She said that she was mad because it was an impossible standard. I understand that she's human, but I wish she could put it in a gentler way.

Have you told her this first part? Because that seems very different to me than your just being annoyed she's late, and it sounds like that's what she's reacting to (mentioning the impossible standard). I agree with Artley that this is something you should explore with her.

Out of curiosity, was there ever a time in your past where someone was late and something *had* happened to them? Even like a minor car accident or something? Or maybe something happened in a story you read or something you watched as a little kid and it stuck in your head? I just think it's something to talk about with her.
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Old 02-23-2021, 03:11 PM   #18
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

My T is typically 1-5 mins late. Sometimes its 10 minutes with no word from her so I panic. She also didn’t make up the time at the end. We talked about it and now she texts me when she is gonna be that late and most of the time I still get my full hour.
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Old 02-23-2021, 03:40 PM   #19
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

Makes me want to pull a Law and Order on her and review all her cases for the past 30 years, to make sure she didnt do anything else wrong!

If its an issue for you, then its an issue for you! That is the art and science of therapy. Art is how the subject is chosen, science is how it is analyzed. Roughly speaking. Nobody says, oh, nobody painted the Mona Lisa BEFORE you, therefore you shouldnt have painted it!
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Old 02-23-2021, 05:33 PM   #20
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Default Re: Is therapist running 1 minute late an issue?

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Do you take issue if your therapist is 1 minute late? The therapist said that in 30 years of working with patients, I'm the only patient who has a problem with it.
1 minute would not bother me but “you’re the only patient in 30 years who ____” would absolutely bother me.

I would probably feel shamed by that kind of framing. It would be a lot more productive and interesting if the therapist asked what that minute meant to you. Are you worried about the T? Do you feel slighted, as though making you wait means you’re unimportant? Are they easygoing about starting late but very strict about ending right on time? Or maybe T is very exacting in some other way and you feel the standard is being applied unfairly? Do you feel uncomfortable in their waiting room? Maybe it’s something else altogether or maybe you don’t know the reason.

Your feelings are your feelings whether they’re very common or very unique and they deserve your T’s kindness and attention.
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