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Groundhogday
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Default Mar 02, 2021 at 08:12 AM
  #1
Recently I found something out about T's family member via online searching and it made me think she's probably having a difficult time right now (it fits in with some things she's said although there's also a fair amount down to my imagination). I feel so yuck yuck yuck about this - anxiety for how she might be feeling, jealousy that her attention might be turned away from me and towards the people who really matter to her, terrible shame for having found it out. I know I should probably talk to her about it and I'd like to think that she would respond with empathy and curiosity about my feelings but I feel far too ashamed to bring it up. I'm embarrassed that I specifically asked her not to tell me anything about herself when I started seeing her, because I'd had a bad experience with this with another therapist - yet out I go searching for information anyway.

I usually read these boards as a guest but I've created an account just to get this out, I can't bear to talk to her or anyone else I know about it. I feel like I might manage it in about two years time but how to deal with my feelings until then! It might help to hear positive stories of having these kind of conversations with a therapist, in case anyone cares to share...
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Groundhogday
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Default Mar 02, 2021 at 12:33 PM
  #2
Since I posted this I've been having fantasies of holding on to this information until some time when I feel angry with her and then telling her just to make her feel unsettled. Why am I like this. I'm holding on to this idea that it's just the kind of thing to bring to therapy so I can talk about my response to it, but what is that really for? Especially if she really is having a tough time.
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Default Mar 02, 2021 at 01:08 PM
  #3
My T always welcomes whatever I have to say. Even if I am screaming at him or saying mean things, he always listens. I guess it depends how you found out the information, if it's publicly available to find I would just bring it up with them and be honest about how you found it.

It might be good to explore why you feel the need to look up extra info about them, and why you think they have a limited amount of love and attention to give people in their life.

Lots of therapists like to appear as a blank slate, so never share personal information anyway. Mine shares what he's comfortable with sharing I suppose, I try to be respectful of that. Although I do wish I could know personal things about him sometimes.
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Default Mar 02, 2021 at 02:39 PM
  #4
I found out a lot of stuff about my former T from her husbands Facebook page, I’m pretty sure she blocked me, but I also found out something really personal just by googling her.

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Default Mar 02, 2021 at 02:47 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostislost View Post
My T always welcomes whatever I have to say. Even if I am screaming at him or saying mean things, he always listens. I guess it depends how you found out the information, if it's publicly available to find I would just bring it up with them and be honest about how you found it.

It might be good to explore why you feel the need to look up extra info about them, and why you think they have a limited amount of love and attention to give people in their life.

Lots of therapists like to appear as a blank slate, so never share personal information anyway. Mine shares what he's comfortable with sharing I suppose, I try to be respectful of that. Although I do wish I could know personal things about him sometimes.
Thank you. Yes she's told me before that I can say anything to her, and so far has welcomed it all. It's all publicly available but I suppose my conclusion involved me piecing together different bits of information which feels embarrassing to explain.

Yep, I think she's probably very blank slate with others too. I feel I want to know more about her but in reality find it painful and tend to dwell on things and feel overly worried about her as well as angry that I'm not part of those aspects of her life. Thanks, all good things to think about
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Default Mar 02, 2021 at 05:48 PM
  #6
i understand. its hard. my
therapist has been unable to see me for a
month because there is something going on in her life, i dont know what it is, she cant return texts/ emails/ anything. it has gotten me pretty shaken. its hard to be worried about her. its hard
to
have none of her attention when i am used to getting a lot of it. i wish i knew when she was going to be able to see
me
again. she doesnt mind me
looking up info about her, but she doesnt post in facebook or anything. the places she writes though havent been updated for several
weeks. i am a wreck.
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Default Mar 11, 2021 at 02:00 PM
  #7
Can you share it with us?

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Default Mar 11, 2021 at 02:50 PM
  #8
I recently found some info about my T online and felt pretty badly about it for a number of reasons. I ended up telling him. He seemed perfectly fine about it and we had a good talk. But I've mostly sworn off googling him etc. because I really don't like feeling that way.
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Default Mar 11, 2021 at 04:11 PM
  #9
I found my old T’s home address, age, and phone numbers the other day along with the names of her family members and where they live. I felt kind of guilty I saw all that stuff. I told my mom and she said professionals need to be more careful and shouldn’t have that type of stuff for people to find so easily.

I actually had a therapist fire me for a bunch of reasons but one of the main reasons was because I found out her info online. My Pdoc at the time got really pissed and he said “if my info was out there like that I’d want someone to tell me!” Everyone thought I was helping the T out.

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Default Mar 11, 2021 at 04:34 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I found my old T’s home address, age, and phone numbers the other day along with the names of her family members and where they live. I felt kind of guilty I saw all that stuff. I told my mom and she said professionals need to be more careful and shouldn’t have that type of stuff for people to find so easily.
I agree with that actually. As a first step beginning professional work I deleted my FB permanently, and made sure all my other social media were set private and also my username does not link to my name so it makes it other to search me. Also the email and phone number that is linked to my account is my private numbers and emails which is separate from my work. So all of these things, it was a fuss but just making sure it doesn't happen. Also helps that most of my family and friends knows me by a different name I use at work, it is a very uncommon short for my full name so any reference to me is harder to trace. Anyway that's my side from working as a professional...

However though with my T who I am still seeing. I did stumble up on her social media. That was after when she gave me her private number as a point of contact as I was going through a crisis. And through that I stumble upon her account as it came up one day. Her account was private, so I didn't actually see anything but I was aware of her account basically. Then nearly about a year later is when I entered formal training, and began building up a public social media account to build a following and a business. I started following and connecting with similar people (psychologists, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, any mental health professionals basically) online mostly people around my area. And one day my T followed my public account, I followed back, and she accepted. Till this day she doesn't know that because I don't give out any personal information on my public account, I only use it as a platform to generate mental health content. I never talked about where I am based, what school I train at etc so she couldn't have worked out. I feel like I should probably talk to her about this, as I do think it is a preach of boundaries in some ways, but I guess I am also scared of losing her support and just not knowing how she would react to it. Anyway I can see her social media, but I never actually stalked through her stuff. I see her new posts when it comes up on my feed, but generally I don't interact with her at all. Not even liking posts or anything but she does like my contents pretty frequently.

This has gone on for a while now and surprisingly it actually haven't affected our therapy at all. And I still haven't told her, and I assume she has no idea too. Fortunately nothing she shared on her social media that I saw has been anything that could effect my working relationship with her. I guess it shows even if she is not a therapist there shares a lot about herself, actually in fact she never really shared until more recently. But she is very straight forward, and just how she is, and now that I have worked with her for three years I do have a sense of what her personality is like, and she is the same at work or off work I would say.
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