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ArtieTheSequal
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Default Mar 11, 2021 at 05:24 PM
  #21
Oh yeah and ha, so much for what I said the other day about how by Tuesday...

i kinda wish we were meeting tomorrow but then again... i really do need to learn to just sit with this stuff.
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ArtieTheSequal
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Default Mar 11, 2021 at 09:19 PM
  #22
Oh and you know what? You totally need to get a couple of those Moonpod beanbag chair thingies for your office. That'd be awesome.
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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 12:41 PM
  #23
Hi, me again, ha ha, I am so proud of myself this morning. I finally took care of something that I've been hiding my head in the sand about for literally YEARS... you are well aware of my money complex... well I guess working on accepting these complexes, these parts of myself, lately has paid off because I decided to just pull up my big girl britches and I finally made the phone call I needed to make to start the ball rolling, to take care of this financial thing!!
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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 12:44 PM
  #24
It’s been exactly a year now since we sat in a room together. It’s been windy today, just like it was a year ago. I remember walking across the park to your house and feeling this deep sense of unease and dread, I had no idea at the time it would be the last time I’d see you for so long. Feeling the pain of it today. Miss you.
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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 01:19 PM
  #25
Dear T,

I feel like today's session sort of fit under the "casual Friday" tag, just like your attire. But I think we discussed some important things. It's interesting that you're sensing optimism from me. Though you're right, that I'd gotten stuck in a very living day-to-day place. I hope if I can start feeling better about work and/or creative pursuits it could have the ripple effect we discussed. I appreciate your sharing a bit about yourself in there, too--I wonder if you wish you'd taken a different path at times? You seemed wistful in a way, talking about how your life got delayed by getting a PhD.

It's funny, I was going to ask you when you thought you might be seeing clients in person again. But your working from home in your hoodie, it didn't feel like the right time to ask. And I like the version of you that's been here during the pandemic.


And thanks for the "take care."
Love,
LT
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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 03:30 PM
  #26
I just noticed that it's mid-session time right now, if we would've had one today. No wonder I am thinking about you right now.
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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 07:40 PM
  #27
I had mixed feelings about old T today. So much has happened since I saw her that I want to share with someone. I’m sure new T will be interested though.

I have to remind myself old T was kinda difficult to deal with. It’s not the video session thing anymore. I did see her twice in person at least. Which she did specifically for me. So I don’t know why I still miss her.

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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 10:04 PM
  #28
Wow, T. I know I started the ball rolling, but I can't believe we are there. What to do now? How can I continue?
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Default Mar 13, 2021 at 07:33 AM
  #29
Trying to write today feels like banging my head against a brick wall. Now is the time to get it out, because I'm tired of there only being one place where it gets heard.

Ethically, of course, it's all over the map.

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Default Mar 14, 2021 at 05:20 AM
  #30
I keep thinking I made a mistake.

New T will want to know why I feel so much better and I can tell her some things but other things are difficult. It took me 10 months to tell my last therapist about them and I ended up telling her through email and even then it was very tough talking about it aloud.

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Default Mar 14, 2021 at 08:23 AM
  #31
Dear T,
Seriously two nights in a row with a dream involving both you and your wife? I wasn't intending to talk about it with you, but if you both show up again tonight, maybe I should... Or maybe I need to talk about the part where I wanted to talk to you and you were saying "no, it's late," as the elevator doors were shutting and I was standing there forlornly...
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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 11:44 AM
  #32
How do I talk to you about stuff that I couldn’t bring up with old T besides in emails? Even after the emails when I wanted to discuss it I’d have to say to her “it’s awkward.” But she always knew what I was talking about. I don’t know how to even begin to approach you about some of the stuff she knew. But it’s a huge part of how I function everyday.

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 12:48 PM
  #33
Dear T,
I feel almost...relieved that you won't be returning to in-person sessions for a couple months? I think as much as part of me wants them, a big part of me isn't ready. And to know I won't have to wear a mask (and that you won't wear one either) if I get the vaccine helps quite a bit. Because that's a big part of what was concerning me about it. I'd rather see your whole face. And to not have to worry about crying, like if I need to wipe my nose.

And...I wonder if there was also a part of me that was sort of worried I'd somehow lead to your infecting your family? So I'd feel a little better if your wife was also vaccinated. Even though I admit that a part of me also sort of feels...I'm not sure what the right word is. Weird? Awkward? If she's the one determining whether you can meet me and other clients in person. Yet I understand it at the same time.

I think I also had this fear that you had already started seeing some clients in person but hadn't said anything to me because (a) we're working well online, (b) you know I'm anxious about COVID, and/or (c) my daughter is back in school. So I'm sort of relieved you weren't doing that without telling me (if you were up front with me about it, I'd understand).

Love,
LT
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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 04:12 PM
  #34
Hi L. I had a bit of (okay a lot of) anxiety last night and could not fall asleep until like 2am, and I had to get up at 4:15. H was actually telling me to call you today and get an appointment sooner than Friday. I think I got through it though, I asked him to just let me talk myself through it and he did. It was about house stuff. I'll make it until Friday.
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Default Mar 16, 2021 at 10:52 AM
  #35
one year ago this was my last in person session before the video sessions started. I’m not thinking too much of old T today. I called new T’s office to give them some payment info and they were so friendly. It makes me feel relieved that this seems like a good place.

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Default Mar 16, 2021 at 12:25 PM
  #36
Thank you for texting with me this morning. I am sorry for bothering you, I feel like I should have been able to just sit with all of this until Friday without contacting you. I appreciate that you said "I am here." I guess I just needed to see that. See you Friday.
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Default Mar 16, 2021 at 12:54 PM
  #37
I got what that I wanted, but I feel so feel bad.

I wanted you to check in on me and you did email on friday, but it's sent me wobbling today.

Almost 6 weeks without you already now and I'm half tempted to message you, but I know that I won't.

I'm just sad and feel like I don't have a right to be upset over the small stuff.

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Last edited by Lemoncake; Mar 16, 2021 at 02:02 PM..
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Default Mar 17, 2021 at 11:02 AM
  #38
So I’m getting a procedure done on my chest in a month-6 weeks and I’m wondering how you will respond when I tell you tomorrow. I can’t tell if you are the concerned type or if you will just be supportive while not showing too much emotion. I do want your attention but not in the way I wanted old T’s attention.

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Default Mar 17, 2021 at 11:15 AM
  #39
I feel as though tomorrow's session is going to end up being intense. Help?

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Default Mar 17, 2021 at 11:47 AM
  #40
I am SO looking forward to Friday! I am continuing to tolerate this level of uncomfortable with your brief assistance yesterday via text. Thank you again for that.
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