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Rive.
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Default Jun 06, 2021 at 03:38 PM
  #561
You are not here.
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MuddyBoots
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Default Jun 06, 2021 at 05:10 PM
  #562
Sessions with you really piss me off, and it pissed me off that when I brought that up last session you responded with "I needed more intensive treatment." I hate how I bring up something like "I have too much energy/agitation" and you respond with something like "do something to get your energy out." Like no dipshit Sherlock, I've only been trying to do that every episode of elevation since I developed them. What did you think I was doing? Knitting? Reading? HA! Sometimes you make me feel like the only bipolar person you've treated, and since you're a therapist that makes me feel kinda broken and alone with this. Also, enough with the cat questions, they're fine. If they weren't fine I'd bring that up. Enough with asking me if I've used, it was never that bad and I'm done. Let's get back to recommending PHP and calling the crisis line. Are your ears stuffed with carrots? I've multiple times said the PHP sucks and isn't helpful, and I've had such a bad experience with the crisis line that I will never call again. We've gone over this several times.
Ugh. I have so much more to say but this is getting less cathartic and more stressful.

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Default Jun 07, 2021 at 12:57 AM
  #563
I don’t know how you’ll respond to that email even though it wasn’t bad. I still don’t fully understand you or your ways of thinking and doing therapy. I honestly haven’t even thought much of you in the last 10 days. I guess that’s pretty good that I’m not dwelling on you the way I was with my last T.

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Default Jun 07, 2021 at 01:01 AM
  #564
You know, Info, when a client actually possesses enough self-awareness and honesty to say “I know I’m being grossly unfair to you,” it is really petty to respond “yes, you are.” You don’t have to disagree, or say it’s okay, but geez, don’t rub it in.
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Default Jun 07, 2021 at 02:37 AM
  #565
The idea of leaving anything to chance at the moment is scary for me, so I didn't accept your 'maybe' offer of an earlier appointment, but that means that Thursday feels like a destination I have to get to.

Thank you for your support when all hell broke loose, though. Speak in a few days.

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Default Jun 07, 2021 at 05:41 AM
  #566
I’m so angry with you right now. We have discussed how much breaks in therapy affect me. We have discussed that all of these emotions and feelings make my relationship very push-pull with you before and after breaks. We have discussed that when I’m in that ‘pull away’ mode I am likely to act impulsively and cancel the next session. We have discussed that I usually end up regretting that decision and end up crawling back to you. So why the hell would you fill my session when you know what my behaviour is. I only emailed you on Friday afternoon and then when I email you first thing this morning you tell me ‘sorry I’ve already filled your slot.’ You hadn’t even emailed me back acknowledging the fact that I asked to cancel. Are you trying to teach me a lesson? If so it’s a very cruel lesson. I feel completely rejected and abandoned. I don’t know how to deal with this anger, it makes me want to retaliate and be cruel in some way to you. I want to hurt you like you have hurt me.
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Default Jun 07, 2021 at 01:38 PM
  #567
OMG, I’m going to see you in person next week! 🥰
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Default Jun 07, 2021 at 05:34 PM
  #568
I think I can see you in person on Wednesday. If you don’t mind my huge t shirt and I also may not smell great. But you don’t seem to be the type that will judge me on that stuff. Your more apt to be concerned. Not that I care about that either. You kind of just exist to me and I don’t stress the way I used to with the last T. I don’t know if it’s because we do in person sessions. I just kinda don’t care really.

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Default Jun 08, 2021 at 09:00 AM
  #569
Dear T,
Sorry I'm so annoying and indecisive...and I knew I should have asked about switching to the other time slot last night. Up to you if you want to try to switch things around.
Love,
LT
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Default Jun 08, 2021 at 10:33 AM
  #570
Dear T,
Thanks for accommodating the time shift for Monday. I'm sure that now it's going to storm and we won't be able to meet outside (or that it will storm at the new time but be fine at the old time), but I feel better having it there as a possibility. Partly because I thought maybe you were trying to deter me from meeting outside. I will do my best to not obsessively check the weather between now and then, but it won't matter till 20 minutes before the session, the way our weather can be. And maybe even if it is fine, I'll change my mind. But at least it's there as an option.

Love,
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Default Jun 08, 2021 at 11:04 AM
  #571
Two more attempts at sleep. I hope we can talk through this physical/mental tiredness.
Of course, I also want to find out where we stand, considering that I ripped up the rule book in relation to how we communicate with one another. I never text, but that was quite something, and I needed to talk to someone who understood the implications on an emotional level as well as a more practical level.

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Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

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Default Jun 08, 2021 at 11:57 AM
  #572
We really must talk more about this animus stuff and I am curious as to how that relates to complexes most especially the autonomous ones. Oh and I got that book you recommended yesterday, started reading it last night. It's a short book so I'm going to try to finish it before Friday. Although I plan to swim every day after work this week so I may not have time. We'll see.
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Default Jun 08, 2021 at 01:07 PM
  #573
Scared to see you after a week of nonstop emailing you
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Default Jun 08, 2021 at 01:24 PM
  #574
Dear former T. You know how much I'm hurting. I wish you would respond to me. If nothing else, just say hang in there. Thanks, Kit

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Default Jun 08, 2021 at 05:37 PM
  #575
Two weeks down, one, maybe two weeks to go. Hopefully one. For me. Thinking of you more often than I would like... Hope all is as well as can be, and hope you are looking after you. I am doing my best at looking after me, it's going ok except that I still carry this cloud, this fog, the net around with me. If I look at the hand in front of my face all seems well, but if I look up, I remember and get lost in it all. Hoping to see you again soon.
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Default Jun 09, 2021 at 07:53 AM
  #576
All the talk of how I was 5 years ago is making me nervous I can't have the support I need from you. I don't know why things changed so much your end, unless it's just the change of location. Remember when I could just come and see you for an extra session on a random day if I needed it?

Or when I came to see you on a Saturday night because I was really messed up? I know you won't or can't do that now. You even put a 10 minute timer on your calls. Anxious that I won't be able to see you if I can't make it to your only free slot.
Sorry if I have been too much.
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Default Jun 09, 2021 at 10:47 AM
  #577
I was less freaked out by your
Possible trigger:
this time.
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Default Jun 09, 2021 at 11:01 AM
  #578
Today makes 3 years since you left this earth. Things have gotten somewhat easier since then. However, in days like today my heart breaks again. How I wish I could have just one more session with you.

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Default Jun 09, 2021 at 11:05 AM
  #579
I woke up and cried this morning. I just felt so exhausted and broken down by school. I'm an almost a doctor, but at what cost?

Last exam in 15 days. I messaged my friend R and asked if I could come over because I knew I was starting to feel unsafe.

Your email back yesterday made me cry and I wasn't expecting it. Whilst I did ask for a session this morning I'm hoping you won't have any free session time slots for tomorrow. If I could recall that email I would.

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Default Jun 09, 2021 at 11:05 AM
  #580
Ok. Now I need to try and manage these feelings somehow. Was hoping to see you on Tuesday but this is a bit of a curve ball. But then I can only imagine you have been thrown an even bigger curve ball to mean you have to take the rest of the month off. If you need the time, take the time. I respect you enough to be ok with that. I'll manage, and I'll make the most of life, I hope. It is short, isn't it. Sometimes shorter than we hope for. I wish I knew what was going on, but I know it's none of my business really. I hope you take care of yourself and I'll see you in 5 weeks time, I hope!
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