advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old Yesterday, 01:30 PM   #1
stopdog
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 33,509 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default how does talking help?

This is a real question I have - for those of you who feel therapy is useful - do you know how it helps? Sitting and talking to a stranger made no sense to me and I have no idea how it was supposed to help. It didn't but I don't know what was supposed to be going on. I asked the therapist and she just flat lied and said she did not know.
__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde

Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
"And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper
stopdog is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old Yesterday, 01:45 PM   #2
Lostislost
Member
Lostislost has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: Uk
Posts: 354
1 yr Member
543 hugs
given
Default Re: how does talking help?

I think it might depend on what the individuals issue is before they start therapy?

Personally I have never been seen or heard or understood since I have been alive. People always wanted me to be something else, or to use me.

I have experienced abuse and different types of trauma, from people I know and people that were meant to care for me.

Psychotherapy (when with the right therapist) provides a non judgemental and accepting place for who I am. They are curious about who I am and accept me as a whole. To build trust with another person when you haven't been able to trust people in your life can be healing and help you work through your issues ...and help you feel like you are enough as you are, or give you the confidence to grow in to who you want to be.

One thing I struggle with is I frequently feel like the therapist is just 'saying what I want to hear' or going through the motions and techniques they learned. It's hard to feel the authenticity there, and I have no way to prove they actually care about me. But it's all I have available so I try to work with it.

Sorry if this isn't very clear, just trying to explain how it has helped me.
Lostislost is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 01:48 PM   #3
Merope
Veteran Member
Merope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: Somewhere in a cloud
Posts: 678
3 yr Member
444 hugs
given
Default Re: how does talking help?

I personally find it cathartic. No one in my life ever listened—actually cared to listen— to what was going on inside my head. Nobody acknowledged that mental health is important. So I guess it feels validating to me, like I matter. I also find the relationship healing, like he fills a hole that has been there since I was a kid.
Merope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 01:51 PM   #4
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,306
8 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

For me talking helps with immediate issues that have a straight forward fix, social skills training/practice, and understanding any revelations that I may have. Life changes are different. They occur by doing, not analyzing what I need to do to make those changes. I come up with my own solutions and execute them without anyone's help.
__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 01:57 PM   #5
AgentQ9A
Member
 
AgentQ9A's Avatar
AgentQ9A has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: US
Posts: 219
339 hugs
given
Default Re: how does talking help?

Talking always made me feel better. Of all the therapists I've seen the only benefit has been getting to talk to someone, even if they didn't have any help to offer. I have one friend in the world and talking to them also makes things better, but they're not paid to pay attention and I don't want to burden them with my issues, so I don't unload as much as I would like. I guess I could also just as easily go to a bar and bother the bartender, but I don't drink or smoke.

I try to journal and that does help get the crap out of my head, but it doesn't feel the same without the other person hearing it. Like I'm talking into the wind. Alone. Which is why I probably post too much here.
AgentQ9A is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 01:59 PM   #6
WarmFuzzySocks
Magnet
 
WarmFuzzySocks's Avatar
WarmFuzzySocks is made of star stuff
 
Member Since: Jun 2017
Location: in the garden
Posts: 2,073
3 yr Member
14.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

For me, part of it was having someone who understood and could point out patterns of thought and relationship that I wasn’t able to identify from my individual experiences. She heard my trees and was able to tell me about the forest.

In my case there was also a lot of intentional and unintentional gaslighting going on in my life. I really needed someone to hear my experiences and let me know I could trust my own experience and thinking. Sometimes I’d hear things come out of my own mouth and think—whoa that doesn’t make sense. Just the act of articulating them to another person helped me realize how irrational things had gotten.
__________________
Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine)
WarmFuzzySocks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 02:02 PM   #7
ArtieTheSequal
Magnate
ArtieTheSequal is happy.
 
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 2,984 (SuperPoster!)
1 yr Member
2,206 hugs
given
Default Re: how does talking help?

For me, with L anyway (not the first 2 t's I tried) it's a lot what Lost said above - she listens without judgement and accepts me for who I am. Having her sitting there talking with me and accepting every part of me even the parts I hate - helped me to gradually start accepting all of me as well. She's been kinda like a guide holding a lantern for me walking beside me on this journey to light the way. I hated myself for so much of my life. And talking with her, learning to first accept myself, who I am, and then finally actually finding grace and love for myself - I feel like therapy this time around has been instrumental in getting me there. I've grown in a lot of ways over the years. I'm still going because there's always more to learn about myself, always more self-growth to find, and it really has become something almost like a spiritual practice, this inner work. There's just something about the connection that I feel with her. Like, she really sees me. I don't feel genuinely seen really anywhere else.

Also what Lost said - I struggle too with when L says something that sounds like "what i want to hear" or like she quoted it out of a textbook. I didn't used to call her out on that, but I sure do now. Most of the time she sounds authentic and from the heart and that's what I respond to. I don't want to hear something that sounds unnatural and textbook-y.

She watches for patterns in what I talk about - I'm not good at seeing those in myself (I guess a lot of people aren't) so it's very helpful when she points them out to me.

Ok I need to stop now. I don't know if I answered your question or not, stopdog.

eta: what WFS said: "She heard my trees and was able to tell me about the forest." so eloquent and true for me also.

I just thought of another thing. She asks really good questions. And when I actually take the time to sit down with said questions between sessions and work on answering them, good stuff results.

Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Yesterday at 04:14 PM..
ArtieTheSequal is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 02:50 PM   #8
LostOnTheTrail
Tweaky Dog
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
LostOnTheTrail has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 3,317
8 yr Member
2,118 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

Why does talking help?

For me, it helps to have a different perspective on a situation. Most of the time, there is a real possibility that I am beating myself up for no reason. I am aware of this, and yet find it difficult to stop.

I feel it is easier to understand what is going on in my head if I can voice it in the presence of somebody who cares and wants to understand. I have had experience with therapists who do neither, and that doesn't help.

When I cannot articulate the thing that is bothering me, it wears me down. Doing this in the presence of a compassionate other brings something that feels like peace.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 03:04 PM   #9
atisketatasket
Child of a lesser god
 
atisketatasket's Avatar
atisketatasket I may be @@, but please dont @ me.
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 18,033 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
12k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

I find Info most useful when she lets me rant or otherwise get things away from me. Generally speaking her responses are not useful or helpful, though she occasionally surprises me. She is just a bit more effective as a listener than a cat or a wall.

I don’t know if that is exactly what you mean by talking, though. Do you mean conversation? The exchange of ideas? Validation?

ETA: I would actually not be surprised if therapists had any real idea (that would satisfy someone as logical and fact-oriented as yourself) how therapy helped, precisely.

Last edited by atisketatasket; Yesterday at 03:22 PM..
atisketatasket is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 03:25 PM   #10
Salmon77
Poohbah
Salmon77 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,332
5 yr Member
103 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

Talking with my T helps me to notice when I am making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, or my thinking is distorted in some way. I think these are hard things to realize without another person's help. In general I think it helps to have another person to challenge my perspective, otherwise (like many people) I tend to confirm my own biases and preconceived ideas, even if I'm trying not to.

My T also encourages me to spend time talking about emotions, ideas, fantasies, etc. that I tend to shut down because I think they are uncomfortable or unrealistic. This helps me to understand how I really feel about things and consequently to live in a way that is more honest and generally makes me happier.
Salmon77 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 06:33 PM   #11
chihirochild
Magnate
 
chihirochild's Avatar
chihirochild is trying
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,284
3 yr Member
4,794 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

One way my T helps me is by pointing out the dysfunctional interpersonal crap I do (e.g. “punishing” someone I’m upset with by retreating from them and sulking privately and forever holding resentment) and helping me find less-stupid ways of handling things (e.g. waiting until I am calm, talking to the person about what happened that made me upset, and making a plan for navigating similar issues in the future).
chihirochild is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 06:58 PM   #12
CantExplain
Big Poppa
 
CantExplain's Avatar
CantExplain is Captain Therapy
 
Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 19,478 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
19.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

Speaking you emotions brings them out of the cellar and into the workshop where they can be processed and broken down for disposal.
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc.

Have you tried strapping a potato to it?
CantExplain is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 08:36 PM   #13
stopdog
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 33,509 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
I find Info most useful when she lets me rant or otherwise get things away from me. Generally speaking her responses are not useful or helpful, though she occasionally surprises me. She is just a bit more effective as a listener than a cat or a wall.

I don’t know if that is exactly what you mean by talking, though. Do you mean conversation? The exchange of ideas? Validation?

ETA: I would actually not be surprised if therapists had any real idea (that would satisfy someone as logical and fact-oriented as yourself) how therapy helped, precisely.
Ranting about my person's illness was one useful thing because it didn't matter what the therapist thought or was feeling and I could just tell her to stop saying idiotic things unlike people I actually care about when they said stupid things about it.
I did not particularly find the therapist validating but I wasn't looking for that. I am not certain I could say the woman was more effective than my cat.

I appreciate the responses but if what is being described is all those people are selling - it would not have been something I ever tried if they had explained what you all are describing.
__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde

Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
"And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper
stopdog is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old Today, 04:14 AM   #14
Waterbear
Grand Poohbah
Waterbear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: England
Posts: 1,710
5 yr Member
882 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

My basic reaction to your basic post heading question is "it doesn't". Therapy is much more than talking for me. Now, to read your actual post and the comments.....
Waterbear is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Today, 05:04 AM   #15
ChickenNoodleSoup
Poohbah
ChickenNoodleSoup has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 1,238
3 yr Member
1,108 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

For me, there's two parts. One is that I get insight into why I do certain things and how I can change them from somebody else, for which I have to share a lot by talking.
Two is that I find that repeated talking about traumatic memories decreases the amounts of flashbacks I have. Probably because my brain gets used to going over it again and again while not being completely emotional about it.
ChickenNoodleSoup is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Today, 05:15 AM   #16
VabGirl
Junior Member
VabGirl has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2021
Location: virginia
Posts: 20 (SuperPoster!)
5 hugs
given
Default Re: how does talking help?

Talking helps me alot. Makes me focus.
VabGirl is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Today, 10:14 AM   #17
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,282 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
7 hugs
given
Default Re: how does talking help?

Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
This is a real question I have - for those of you who feel therapy is useful - do you know how it helps? Sitting and talking to a stranger made no sense to me and I have no idea how it was supposed to help. It didn't but I don't know what was supposed to be going on. I asked the therapist and she just flat lied and said she did not know.
I went into therapy primarily to have an objective set of eyes on my depression and other symptoms. I knew that at the time, I probably wasn't always as self-aware as I needed to be, and I didn't feel comfortable putting that kind of burden (not quite the right word maybe) on people in my personal life.

I found therapy to be about more than just talking. I talk all day, but therapy was more about verbalizing what was going on inside me that I normally wouldn't talk about. Getting those unspoken thoughts out of my head and into objective ears (meaning a person with no personal stake in my life), was cleansing to me. It was sort of like a relief valve on a pressure cooker.

Having the added benefit of those objective ears being someone who had training in psychology, gave me a person who could help direct me toward insight for those unspoken thoughts, so they weren't just a tangled mess of thoughts anymore. It helped me untangle them and make some sense of them because, for me, they were so voluminous and overwhelming, I didn't know where to start on my own.

Over time, I got better at being able to read and understand my thoughts and untangle them on my own, and eventually I worked my way out of needing those objective eyes to help me.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Today, 10:45 AM   #18
LonesomeTonight
Title goes here
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 16,706 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
63.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
I found therapy to be about more than just talking. I talk all day, but therapy was more about verbalizing what was going on inside me that I normally wouldn't talk about. Getting those unspoken thoughts out of my head and into objective ears (meaning a person with no personal stake in my life), was cleansing to me. It was sort of like a relief valve on a pressure cooker.

Having the added benefit of those objective ears being someone who had training in psychology, gave me a person who could help direct me toward insight for those unspoken thoughts, so they weren't just a tangled mess of thoughts anymore. It helped me untangle them and make some sense of them because, for me, they were so voluminous and overwhelming, I didn't know where to start on my own.
This is very similar to my experience. I think I've even used the phrase "relief valve" with my T before to express how some sessions, I just needed to get some thoughts and emotions out. And then I would feel lighter afterward. And could go back and manage with my daily life obligations.

In being able to share those thoughts in a therapy session, it also helps keep me from dumping them all over my personal relationships all the time. I mean, sure I dump my share, but I'd like to think it's a more manageable amount, particularly for my H. T has referred to it as "outsourcing" before, like outsourcing some of my needs to therapy (and friends).

Also, I can share things knowing they will be kept confidential. I might share some thought that I know sounds really awful, but I know it won't, say, get back to a family member. And my T doesn't react as if they're awful (well, I imagine he has some limit!) and is accepting and validating of most of what I share (with some exceptions, and he will definitely challenge my thinking at times).

I guess, in a way...he's sort of like a diary that talks back? And that I don't have to worry about someone finding under my mattress.* But also, as you mentioned, someone with psychological knowledge who could help identify and process some of the thoughts I'm having.

*That's continuing the diary analogy, to clarify!
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Today, 11:43 AM   #19
stopdog
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 33,509 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Re: how does talking help?

Telling the therapist things I would never tell other human beings was not a relief or release for me. And when the therapist responded - I felt even more like an idiot for saying them. There was no making sense or untangling of anything. I do believe the therapist thought it happened -she one time made reference to working through something and I responded with wth are you talking about because my experience was definitely not that. The only thing that therapy left me with was confusion and a feeling of being duped (these are not how I normally react to interactions with other human beings).
__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde

Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
"And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper
stopdog is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Today, 11:51 AM   #20
Lostislost
Member
Lostislost has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: Uk
Posts: 354
1 yr Member
543 hugs
given
Default Re: how does talking help?

Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
Telling the therapist things I would never tell other human beings was not a relief or release for me. And when the therapist responded - I felt even more like an idiot for saying them. There was no making sense or untangling of anything. I do believe the therapist thought it happened -she one time made reference to working through something and I responded with wth are you talking about because my experience was definitely not that. The only thing that therapy left me with was confusion and a feeling of being duped (these are not how I normally react to interactions with other human beings).

I'm sorry therapy didn't help you, it's definitely not for everyone! In a perfect world, if you could invent a type of therapy that would've helped you, what would that look like?
Lostislost is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:17 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun on Psych Central in 2001. It now runs as an independent community, overseen by a group of volunteers & Dr. John Grohol.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.