Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVI

Mountaindewed · 01:41 PM

Transference T hasn’t been running through my mind much lately. Although my favorite tea reminds me of her and I drink it when I want to remember her. But it’s more of a subliminal thing that I do without really thinking of it. Because I really do like the tea. I also got 5 mint Aero candy bars today because they remind me of her. So I’m not sure if I want to forget her or if I want to remember her but just in subliminal ways.

Current T I’m glad I don’t feel the need to email you anymore and that I worked through my anxiety on my own yesterday. But I wish we could continue working together. Hopefully the therapist you recommended and are switching me to will be helpful.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 31, 2021 at 04:56 PM

Hey L. I'm going to do things a little differently this week, and not bring so much in with me next time. My goal, actually, is to not even bring my notebook or any printouts or anything else - just myself. And we can just talk, I'll do a sand tray, whatever. I think maybe we need a little time to adjust to the recent shift in our relationship that we've both noticed, don't you? Without pushing ourselves as much as we did yesterday. I'm sorry for doing that to you again. I was just so excited (again) about all of my processing since the previous week - I didn't pay as much attention as I should have to how low your energy was. I'm recalling it now and I feel badly about not paying more attention to it than I did. When I asked you how you were and when you said that you'd actually gotten a full night's sleep, I didn't pursue it and now I wish I would have. I hope you are okay. I promise to take it easy on you next week. Get some rest and take care of you, okay?

Love,

me

LonesomeTonight · Jul 31, 2021 at 07:35 PM

Dear T,
Tonight (while on a date night, no less), I started to have this feeling that you care about my well-being more than H does. Based on his reaction to a few things I said. Like, trying to open up to him. But then I felt shut down. Maybe he's just bad at expressing it? Glad I kept tomorrow's session, though will be awkward having it at 9 am virtually, as would be a difficult time for H to get D out somewhere, and she might be upset about it because it's an odd time.
Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · Aug 01, 2021 at 11:40 AM

I want to be able to wear my new flannel hoodies and my new boots and my new bootcut jeans to our fall sessions.

Please say you do in person sessions. I literally have my fall wardrobe planned out mainly for therapy since I don’t plan on going anywhere else.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 01, 2021 at 01:25 PM

Maybe we can do something fun on Friday. Like, that thing you said the other day. I mean, it would be fun of course, but I think it could also very much bring out some stuff to talk about. So, both enjoyable and useful therapeutically (or whatever you call what we are about these days).

Lemoncake · Aug 01, 2021 at 03:23 PM

Possible trigger:

I self harmed for the first time in months, but the thing is that it doesn't even hurt enough.

Two year anniversary of my grandmother's death is coming up in 6 days.

I spent most of today struggling with suicidal thoughts and I feel so done.

PC always used to be my safe space but even here I've just been feeling disconnected, like I can't relate to it all anymore.

No idea how many days since I last had a session with you. I feel like I just repeated a pattern I've carried out since I was a child. Get super attached/ obsessed, then watch everything go down in flames.

Am I glad that I spent so many hours obsessing over you? No.

CantExplain · Aug 01, 2021 at 05:17 PM

Anniversaries are powerful, Lemoncake.

atisketatasket · Aug 01, 2021 at 08:25 PM

Dear Info,

I wish someone would rush to take care of me. (Not you.) But sometimes I want to be the squeaky wheel or the damsel in distress, you know?

ATAT

(Please do not respond.)

Elio · Aug 01, 2021 at 09:43 PM

Dear Dr. S,

I will not email you tonight.

I do not like these changes - they are scary. I wish I could see you earlier tomorrow than our scheduled time. I wish I had more. I'm tired.

Love,
me

just2b · Aug 02, 2021 at 01:35 AM

With what happened when I went to visit my mom, with my son with me. I know we talked already, Partly I want to be held by you. To sob in your arms. i partly dont want that. I just want you to sit next to me. Maybe with your hand on my back or shoulder. And no. just want to sit across from you and feel the presense in the room, feel that your near. This telehealth therapy encourages my need to disconnect. I hate having urges to be close to you. I cant talk about that anymore with you, not ever. I had asked you a question about attachment, and decided that I dont want to talk bout it. Not sure if its because of what happened with my mom, but strangely, I dont feel like talking about anything.

Mountaindewed · Aug 02, 2021 at 12:24 PM

I thought when we first met you seemed unsure if you’d be the right fit for me. Just by the way you were talking. You seemed wary about taking me on as a client. So I guess I read the situation correctly. The way you just randomly had the name of another therapist when we talked more deeply at the second session was a pretty slick move.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 02, 2021 at 12:35 PM

Well, L, I wouldn't be me if it didn't.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 02, 2021 at 12:52 PM

And, so very much has just been clicking for me in the past month, it's almost hard to keep up with. I'm gonna be chill Friday though, and not talk your ears off, I promise. Thinking about what we can do that's fun but also therapeutic. I liked that one thing you said. Maybe that.

Waterbear · Aug 02, 2021 at 03:39 PM

Dear T,

Saw another lady this afternoon. She seems ok. She seems like maybe someone I could work with. Maybe. I still want you back though.

Waterbear · Aug 02, 2021 at 04:32 PM

Dear T,

Would you write me a letter, I wonder. From you. From the heart. If we are ending. Would you write me a letter?

LostOnTheTrail · Aug 02, 2021 at 04:42 PM

The purpose of the email I sent today was to 'get something away from me', but it's also something we need to talk about properly when the opportunity arises. Of course I have questions, but now I know I wouldn't benefit from the answers.

It's the same damn scenario - I didn't ask what happened, and I found out anyway.

Waterbear · Aug 03, 2021 at 01:52 AM

It would have been our session today. It should have been our session today. I wonder where you are and what you are doing. I want to text you to tell you that I am missing you, but you said that you would be in touch. I will try to be patient and wait, but we both know that patience really isn't my forte. So anyway, I am thinking of you and hoping you are well, and hoping that maybe you are thinking of me too, sometimes.

Love you x

comrademoomoo · Aug 03, 2021 at 03:18 AM

Do you know what's really annoying? You champing on and on about wanting to meet me for an in person session. That's annoying. Doubly annoying is me conceding and suggesting we meet. Triply annoying is you ignoring my emails attempting to make arrangements. Quadruply annoying is everything else about you and your rotten personality.

SlumberKitty · Aug 03, 2021 at 11:31 AM

Dear J--I'm nervous about our chat appointment today. I'm not sure what it will be like and since I will be at work I can't guarantee that I won't be interrupted. I'm going to try to take it on my work lunch break but I am interrupted on my lunch break all the time. I'm not sure what I should talk about. You're response saying, lets discuss this in session made me feel a little shut down after you seemed out of your way to talk to me yesterday. I am having trouble imagining that you will be helpful but am I intentionally putting up walls? Hmm. I have to give you a fair shot. So far I have two negative marks against you. I have yet to see you in action so we'll see if they cancel each other out. I hope you are a good therapist who can actually help me this time. Kit

velcro003 · Aug 03, 2021 at 12:50 PM

Dear T, I hate last minute session changes. You had to cancel last week, and now is moving today’s session to thursday. What if it turns out thursday doesn’t work? I’ll have to wait ANOTHER week.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVI

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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,223 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,778 hugs given	Aug 01, 2021 at 11:40 AM #964 I want to be able to wear my new flannel hoodies and my new boots and my new bootcut jeans to our fall sessions. Please say you do in person sessions. I literally have my fall wardrobe planned out mainly for therapy since I don’t plan on going anywhere else. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,772 hugs given	Aug 01, 2021 at 01:25 PM #965 Maybe we can do something fun on Friday. Like, that thing you said the other day. I mean, it would be fun of course, but I think it could also very much bring out some stuff to talk about. So, both enjoyable and useful therapeutically (or whatever you call what we are about these days).

CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 12 19.7k hugs given	Aug 01, 2021 at 05:17 PM #967 Anniversaries are powerful, Lemoncake. __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,149 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Aug 01, 2021 at 08:25 PM #968 Dear Info, I wish someone would rush to take care of me. (Not you.) But sometimes I want to be the squeaky wheel or the damsel in distress, you know? ATAT (Please do not respond.)

Elio ............... Member Since Sep 2006 Location: in my head Posts: 2,911 17 8,779 hugs given	Aug 01, 2021 at 09:43 PM #969 Dear Dr. S, I will not email you tonight. I do not like these changes - they are scary. I wish I could see you earlier tomorrow than our scheduled time. I wish I had more. I'm tired. Love, me

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,772 hugs given	Aug 02, 2021 at 12:35 PM #972 Well, L, I wouldn't be me if it didn't.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,772 hugs given	Aug 02, 2021 at 12:52 PM #973 And, so very much has just been clicking for me in the past month, it's almost hard to keep up with. I'm gonna be chill Friday though, and not talk your ears off, I promise. Thinking about what we can do that's fun but also therapeutic. I liked that one thing you said. Maybe that.

Waterbear Magnate Member Since Feb 2016 Location: England Posts: 2,408 8 1,316 hugs given	Aug 02, 2021 at 03:39 PM #974 Dear T, Saw another lady this afternoon. She seems ok. She seems like maybe someone I could work with. Maybe. I still want you back though.

Waterbear Magnate Member Since Feb 2016 Location: England Posts: 2,408 8 1,316 hugs given	Aug 02, 2021 at 04:32 PM #975 Dear T, Would you write me a letter, I wonder. From you. From the heart. If we are ending. Would you write me a letter?

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,714 5	Aug 03, 2021 at 03:18 AM #978 Do you know what's really annoying? You champing on and on about wanting to meet me for an in person session. That's annoying. Doubly annoying is me conceding and suggesting we meet. Triply annoying is you ignoring my emails attempting to make arrangements. Quadruply annoying is everything else about you and your rotten personality.

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Aug 03, 2021 at 12:50 PM #980 Dear T, I hate last minute session changes. You had to cancel last week, and now is moving today’s session to thursday. What if it turns out thursday doesn’t work? I’ll have to wait ANOTHER week.