[DelusionsDaily]

Trauma therapy is God awful. If it wasn't for neurofeedback I don't think I could do talk therapy for trauma. After reading more about trauma therapy I probably should have found a more somatic approach. I guess not knowing really what I was getting into made it hard to determine. I didn't have the full extent of the trauma, we only knew who and the umbrella under which it happened.

Anyway, now that the pieces of the puzzle are there, the emotional side is starting ever so slowly to catch up. I have a feeling my therapist might only be able to get me to a point. I guess the good thing is I have someone in mind in the event we get stuck.

Well, assuming she'd be willing to work with me I worked with her years ago and needless to say it didn't go well or end well. Although, for a few reasons, I believe our stand still at the very end, may have also been contributed to by her intuition of a trauma history (that info largely wasn't available to me at the time).

That old therapist has been on my mind soooo much lately. Urge to send her a letter but refraining because the words are hard to find and it has been so long since our work together. Also, not sure it is appropriate at this point, unless it would be to see her, if she would work with me and I am not there as so far therapy with the current is good.. There has been a HUGE shift in my perspective of our time together for the positive versus the utter disdain I had for her most of the last 8-11 years.

[Waterbear]

I totally get the whole not being able to just do 'talk therapy for trauma'. No way, hose! I have been doing much more creative work, along with talking, writing etc. We sit at a desk and have used figures, games, drawing, creative arts etc. I've just lost my T unexpectedly so am in the process of finding someone else who can work in this way.

I hope you can find a way forwards, now and in the future, and isn't it interesting how our perspectives can change depending on where we are at the time. Probably a useful thing for most of us to remember sometimes!

[DelusionsDaily]

I'm frustrated right now. I haven't felt a whole lot while pulling all the pieces of my trauma together which seems odd.. I'm not even really sure why. It's like I'm numb or disconnected from them.. I guess I really haven't thought about it much but I should really bring it up in therapy Tuesday. Ugh! Exhausted. I don't even know if there is anything she can do but it seems silly to do trauma and not also deal with the emotions of it all. I do think that is the more that I kept feeling like was coming. It seems right now that the only time I can let myself cry, if it's gonna happen, is therapy and occasionally on the phone with mom. I have NEVER been good at the emotional side.. Dang it.. it was a lot maybe it is just pure overwhelm right now and it will come in time. Now I'm just blabbering...thanks.