[junkDNA]

I've been working with my therapist in therapy for 10 years, going on 11. I do feel that this is unusual but I also know that my case is unusual. My therapist has not mentioned completing treatment, save for that time in 2019 that he said he was on the cusp of referring me out due to my harassment via email and text. Which I take full accountability for because it literally was harassment.

With covid happening I have not seen my therapist in person in 1 year. The last time I saw him was in Feb 2020. We talk on the phone 1 or 2x a week. I no longer text or email him. Stopping the outside contact was huge growth for me even though at the time it felt like a major loss. I was 100% dependent on him responding to my messages outside of therapy, and I was insistent that he do so. My therapist expressed multiple times that some of my messages distressed him and he didn't think it was healthy for either of us.

10 years is a long, long time. Sometimes I feel that I am ready to end therapy, but that feels scary as well. I also worry about how he feels about it, and if he thinks of the end also. I don't want to lose my relationship with him. I think that for a long time I was so terrified of losing it that I kept myself sick.

I guess i am asking for others experiences with long term therapy, and the ending of it. How did you feel about it ? How did you know when it was time ? Do you still talk with your therapist at all?

[Yaowen]

Dear junkDNA,

That situation sounds so difficult. I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in your place. Complex issues are so hard to see through and sort out. Hopefully others here with more wisdom will see your post and respond to it with something really helpful. I am so sorry that I could not be helpful to you but I hope that somehow . . . someway . . . that things will work out for the best for you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[ArtleyWilkins]

I was with my last therapist for 10 years.

I knew in that last year that we were nearing the end because I was generally just more stable, and when I had issues that came up, I was much more able to manage things on my own. I found our sessions were more about reflecting on how I had successfully managed through problems than actually needed his assistance on doing so. The need for the support and assistance in coping just wasn't that important to me anymore.

At first we considered reducing sessions to sort of "wean" away from them, but I found pretty quickly I didn't really need a gradual ending; I was ready to be done with therapy. I simply canceled my last appointment and did not return. He knew why and it was never an issue.

We left on good terms without really a closing session even. It just wasn't necessary. I have done quite well now for almost another 10 years without therapy. He and I have FaceBooked for about the last 5 years. We occasionally message about things going on (for instance, he's been checking in with me knowing my husband has been in the hospital for the last 6 weeks), but mostly we just keep in touch.

I know if I needed to go back into therapy, he would be quite willing to see me again in that capacity. It hasn't been, but he has stayed open to that if it should happen.

[LonesomeTonight]

I've been in therapy for more than 9 years straight now, first 6 years with ex-T, now more than 3 years with Dr. T (with ex-MC in the middle and overlapping). I've talked to Dr. T about the long-term nature of therapy, as I'd initially had the sense that he tended to see clients on a shorter-term basis. But he said that some clients just need long-term therapy based on their mental health concerns. He said he's had a long-term client (more than 8 years) switch to monthly sessions, which the client referred to as a "tune-up." So just sort of check-ins. Other clients have left then returned periodically as they needed more support. Or left, saw another therapist for a bit, then returned to him. All of that made me feel better.

So I wonder if it would help to not think of it as capital-T termination? But to either gradually reduce sessions or to think you're just taking a break, with the option to return later, whenever you feel the want or need? Even to just do a check-in every few months or so. It seems like something your T would be open to, based on the length of your relationship and how dedicated he's seemed to you.

[LonesomeTonight]

Oh, and to answer the question about "knowing when it's time," whether to reduce or terminate entirely, Dr. T has said it tends to be obvious if a client consistently doesn't have much to talk about in sessions. Not just one or two sessions where things seem to be going OK, but a few in a row, where it's like "What do you want to talk about?" And then they fully address the topic within 15 minutes and are just chatting about random stuff the rest of the time.

[SlumberKitty]

I saw former T for 10 years. The reason we stopped is because she got sick with MS. I had been thinking it would be time to maybe go every other week or something before she got sick but then she got sick and my whole world flipped upside down. She stayed with me until I could find a new T. I can text her or email her but she rarely responds. I don't text or email her very often. At first it was like once a month. Now it's once every few months. I've been with current T for 2.5 years. We see each other usually every other week but occasionally back to back weeks. That seems to work pretty well except when I'm in crisis. I tend to think that I am ready to quit T and then I end up in crisis again and then I realize that I need T.

[ArtieTheSequal]

I've been seeing L for going on 10 years now. We've taken what ended up being breaks here and there but I've always gone back. We have started decreasing sessions to every 2 weeks recently, and I've been doing pretty well with it, been finding on my own ways to keep my work going between sessions. That was one of the issues with my breaks from therapy in the past - I wouldn't do any 'work' on my own and would just go back to all the old thoughts/patterns/behaviors then I would call her when I fell apart. This time is different. I'm feeling more centered in my Self, continuing my work on my own in the in between 2 weeks, and our sessions are different now. We mostly work with my dreams these days, and talk about the work I do between sessions, etc. I don't know if we'll go to every 3 weeks, or monthly or what next. I don't think I'll ever completely stop therapy... at least while L is still around.... what I envision at some point and that we've talked about before is getting to a point of having infrequent check-in phone calls. Time will tell. L has always told me when I ask the "how will I know" question - that I will just "know". Also she says that my dreams will tell us. Actually that's why we started reducing sessions - I had a dream that clearly spoke to that.


I wish you all the best, JDNA, whatever you and he decide.

[Mountaindewed]

I’ve been in therapy for 15 years with various therapists. I had 2 before I moved to treatment centers. The ones I had in treatment centers were just temporary since I was only there temporarily. Then I’ve had 3 since 2011. 6 if you count my school therapist and the 2 guys I tried out in the summer of 2018. For the most part in the last 10 years it was my choice to move on. Now I’m pretty sure I need a therapist for other things besides just therapy. Like to get certain stuff covered by my insurance I think I need to be seeing a therapist. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say honestly.

[junkDNA]

Thanks everyone

[ScarletPimpernel]

L tells me we have decades. I hope that's true. I truly want her to be my last therapist. We do talk about how there will be different seasons of our relationship including a time when I might not need her as much.

[Taylor27]

I have been in therapy for 18 1/2 years now with 7 therapist. I had a 2 year break after i saw one for 6 years and got so attached to her. I also had one male therapist and a addiction counsellor for 5 years that only touched the surface for my issues. I now have a good therapist who is trained in trauma therapy. I have been with her for almost two years. We have just recently increased my sessions and so far it's been great to have the extra support. She tells me that im no where close to being done therapy that it's okay to go at a pace that is comfortable with me.

[coolibrarian]

junkDNA, I've been in therapy, with a break of 15 months, with the same T, for over 30 years. We have already been talking about her retirement, which won't be for two or three years. I am in the process of trying to leave my place of employment after almost 36 years. The Pandemic made everything worse; I can't imagine being with another T, but she has said she is already thinking about people she could refer me to. I don't want to have transference toward another therapist, but I guess it's inevitable.