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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 06:22 PM
  #1
I feel like it’s a lot different talking about it with someone in their 30’s vs 60’s. This is the oldest therapist I’ve ever had and I need to talk to her about some stuff that I deal with a lot but I’m not sure how. I don’t know if she allows contact outside of sessions. Because emailing would be the best way to tell her. But I also am not sure I want to get involved with emails again after fiasco with the last T.

How do you talk about these things?

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 06:36 PM
  #2
I just plunged right in last session with my 67-ish therapist. I figure, at 67 she's been around the block a few times and is more experienced in thinking and talking about sex than a 30-year-old therapist.

I try to ignore my embarrassment or hesitation on any topic if I really want her help.
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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 06:44 PM
  #3
The same way you would talk to anyone. I am in my 60s - we old people still know about sex.

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 06:50 PM
  #4
What about kinks and other weird stuff? Are they ok with that too? I don’t mean normal sex. I mean strange things and topics that might make people uncomfortable. I don’t want her firing me or anything because I weirded her out.

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 06:56 PM
  #5
Yes - old people know about those things too. Kink did not just come to be in the last 20 -30 years. It has been going on since the beginning of time.

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 06:56 PM
  #6
I guess I have discussed these things in the past with older therapists. One said it was ok as long as it was only a sensory thing. One was weirded out and asked why I was telling her these things. Then I didn’t bother telling my 58 year old therapist any of that stuff. My last T who was younger was accepting and just said “if your into that stuff cool.”

I told my high school therapist who was 30 and she would joke about it with me.

Basically I’ve had mixed reactions my whole life. One treatment center didn’t care. Sometimes they thought it was funny. The next treatment center was so uncomfortable with it and wanted to do some form of electric shock to get me over it and they were also worried about my roommate being in the same room with me.

I am literally telling everyone the exact same thing.

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 06:58 PM
  #7
Discomfort would be due to personal therapist hang ups - not age

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 07:02 PM
  #8
Best thing would be to just ask if she’s ok talking about kinks - she might surprise you by being ok with it. I obviously don’t know how likely it is that she’s engaged in or is generally ok with the concept of non-vanilla sex acts, but I wouldn’t say it’s 100% impossible.
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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 07:08 PM
  #9
If you are going to talk to a therapist about it, I would not think it odd if they asked how you felt about it or why you were talking about it - like what was the reason you brought it up = that seems a fair question for a therapist to ask.

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 08:06 PM
  #10
Hahaha, Md, sometimes you crack me up

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Default Mar 18, 2021 at 01:56 PM
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I hinted at it today but didn’t tell her. I told her I had stuff to discuss with her later. I started off talking about my weighted blankets and how helpful they are. and I said I had a lot of sensory issues and she said “yeah I was going to ask that and ask what your coping skills are” I said I have coping skills but they are weird and I wasn’t comfortable telling her yet. She looked kinda confused/amused and said something along the lines of if a coping skill is not hurtful it’s fine. she asked me if she could ask my old therapist through email. I said “yeah.” So I don’t know what’s going to come out of it. Based on today and her knowledge of autism I don’t think she’s going to have an issue with the things I use just for sensory relief. But I don’t feel like full out telling her about other stuff right now.

Oh yeah now I remember. She was asking me why I was doing the session in a closet and I explained that it was a sensory thing and she asked me if I liked that closed in feeling and I said yeah and then she asked me what other coping skills I used.

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Last edited by Mountaindewed; Mar 18, 2021 at 02:08 PM..
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Default Apr 01, 2021 at 06:26 AM
  #12
Problem is I was raised to never talk about it with anyone. Even if the therapist wasn't awkward about it or uncomfortable with it I wouldn't be able to get myself to.
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Default Apr 01, 2021 at 09:53 AM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginger Mary View Post
Problem is I was raised to never talk about it with anyone. Even if the therapist wasn't awkward about it or uncomfortable with it I wouldn't be able to get myself to.
That was me as well. Add that to being Catholic and my abuse. Sex is a terrifying topic for me to bring up. The couple times I have talked around this issue with my therapists they are wonderfully still.

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Default Apr 01, 2021 at 10:10 AM
  #14
We didn’t really talk about sex on Tuesday but I mentioned the transference with my old T and I told new T I had a crush on old T and I thought she was “hot” so I guess thats a start.

At least I can freely admit my feelings now so I can get them out of the way.

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Default Apr 06, 2021 at 04:15 PM
  #15
I didn’t mention anything really weird. But I told her about the oral sensory stuff I have. And at first I thought she was not ok with it. She asked a couple questions. Then I said that my last T said if it wasn’t hurting anyone then it was fine to use. Then she was ok and agreed. Then later she told me I could bring it into our in person sessions.

The other stuff I’m not sure I will ever mention. But the important stuff I did talk about.

But the only downside is now I think she thinks I’m crazy autistic instead of just the mild Aspergers type I always thought I was. Hopefully after a couple more sessions she’ll realize I’m high functioning. I so wish I could email her because I am much better In emails then talking verbally with people.

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Default Apr 06, 2021 at 04:24 PM
  #16
I have an older therapist and sex is a major issue for me, so that’s what we talk about. I am very open about talking about sex. I almost feel he thinks I’m too open and vocal about it. He seems very open and with a fun, kinky attitude about sex. He’s gay and just married his long term partner. That fact about him makes me feel more comfortable about talking about sex with him. He has a lightness to him regarding taboos and I like that about him.

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Default Apr 07, 2021 at 01:29 PM
  #17
Actually yesterday I did mention to my therapist something that my gynecologist had said to me. I said “my gynecologist asked me if I had sex with women. Why didn’t she just say am I sexually active?” And my therapist said “yeah that is weird.”

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Default May 12, 2021 at 07:18 PM
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She’s been pretty straightforward about sex. Sometimes it’s kind of awkward. She was asking me about what I fantasize about when I masturbate and she thinks I’m bisexual and I was saying “dude, it’s the frigging 3rd session and your asking me super intrusive questions.” But then she apologized for making me uncomfortable and said we’d go at my own pace afterwards. It’s been interesting with her. She sure is a character. But she’s very open minded and non judgmental which makes me happy.

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Default May 12, 2021 at 11:27 PM
  #19
In my experience, it’s awkward at first but the more you discuss it, the easier it gets. I also think the rapport between you and the therapist plays a big role. I had a therapist 30 years my senior and because of some paternal feelings that I had toward him, talking about sex is awkward. My therapist currently is about 10 years older than me, but decidedly he feels much more like an adult than I do. So many of my issues revolve around sex, so I kind of just had to jump in. I don’t feel any bit of awkwardness now at all.
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Default May 13, 2021 at 12:11 PM
  #20
My T is a man near my own age. I think I'd feel more comfortable talking to him about sex if he were a lot older than me. Older people are more matter of fact about these things IME.
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