What things have you asked that your T said no to?

Yesterday I asked my T for something and she was very iffy. I’m curious about other people’s experiences of this, and how it felt? Also can I pm someone the details of my session yesterday, I don’t want to identify myself on here to my T, but I’d love to share the thing she was iffy about, and have others opinions?

I'm happy for you to pm me if you wish.

I would be interested to speak about this over private message. I have an experience of my therapist saying no to something seemingly innocuous and would be similarly interested to share experiences. I rarely ask for anything, directly at least, because I struggle with accepting that I need others so the experience of asking has stayed with me.

My former T said no to a hug. It was very traumatic at the time but i did stay with her and adjust.

I asked him if he would go to court with me while I read a victim's impact statement. He said no. I felt crushed and embarrassed that I had asked. We got past it though.

My T said no to a hug as well. I think I avoid asking him for much because I'm pretty sure I'll just get a no from him, and it hurts me too much.

Although once I asked if he would help me make a piece of art, and that involved me touching him and he said yes to that.

I'm always open for a pm if you want to.

Current T to email outside contact. It was my preferred mode of contact with long term T because I feel they are less invasive. Current T never really checks her emails plus feels they are too unsecure. She allows texts. She has one phone with 2 different numbers. She only checks her work number when she is able to be in the work frame of mind.

Long term T told me no once over a text. I asked if we could talk on the phone or schedule an earlier appointment. She thought it would be better for me to talk to EMDR T because she thought it was related.to my EMDR work. She was wrong and so we discussedthat at my next appointment with her.

Thanks Rive, I tried to pm you, but I think maybe you have set up your account so you can’t receive PM’s?

My old T eventually said no to outside contact. Current T says mostly no to outside contact.

I’ve asked before for double sessions and have been told no. I also have asked before to reschedule for later in the week and she told me no she was booked.

Basically I never asked for much of anything from old T besides emails. I did ask constantly for in person sessions and I was told no but it really wasn’t up to her.

I haven’t asked current T for much but she has offered me a lot without me asking. She has a lot of resources for me that I didn’t even know existed and she knows how to set these things up. She even has a lawyer that works for her that can help me with some minor personal things.

Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I enabled PMs but forgot to 'save' the changes. They're open if I can still be of help..

Need to give background, or it won't make senses. So, with my T, the way we used to end sessions is that he'd get up, sit down at his computer, take my credit card payment and email my invoice, then shake my hand as we said goodbye. I'd then open the door myself and leave, all while he stayed seated. This had bothered me for a while, as ex-T and ex-marriage counselor, plus random T's I'd seen, had all stood up when I left, generally opening the door for me (and ex-MC, he'd be standing while we shook hands).


I finally brought up to my T that I'd like him to stand for us shaking hands and when I left, figuring he'd say, "OK, sure." No. He refused and also wouldn't tell me why. It led to a rather harsh email exchange (harsh from both sides) about it, with him talking about not wanting to have his actions managed, and stuff like that. Led to rupture.

He eventually admitted it was because he was having back issues, and didn't want to have to stand up an extra time. Had he just said that to begin it, it would have saved a lot of drama, and hurt feelings on my part. We eventually changed it so that he took my payment (still standing) at the beginning, then at the end, he'd stand up, open the door, we'd shake hands, and I'd leave. I'm not sure why he also couldn't have just suggested that to begin with... (Now I haven't seen him in person in almost exactly a year, just virtual, and I wouldn't care if he stayed sitting if I could see him in person....)

Feel free to PM me.

I don't think there's very many things L has said no to. Somethings I just don't ask. She's saying no to daily reminder emails, but she's agreed to taper down: reminder emails > holding in mind emails > I'm here emails. She said no once to a personal question I asked about her therapy, but later realized I wasn't asking for specifics, so she answered generally.

T told me no when I asked if she loved me. I guess that's a different kind of question. She also said no originally when I asked for a stuffed animal as a transitional object. For some reason she thought I wanted a big stuffed animal, but when she realized I wanted a small one, she got me one.

My T said no to a hypothetical hug. He hugs some clients. He explained it, but I don't remember. Oh well.

I frequently ask him if he can have hard conversations with other people for me. He always says no 😆

Nothing, ever - except once. She had an adorable doll in her office and mentioned that a client had made it. I asked if the client had bipolar disorder (T and I had just been having a discussion about bipolar disorder and creativity). My T said, "Uhhhh...I really don't feel comfortable disclosing that!" She had never snapped at me before, and I was terribly upset. I agonized about it all afternoon, felt sui. I think I did call her that time and tell her of how upset I was, because I really felt I was in an unsafe place. She apologized and said she realized afterward that she'd come off too strong about protecting another client's confidentiality.

She's probably forgotten all about the incident, but I never have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel I don't think there's very many things L has said no to. Somethings I just don't ask. She's saying no to daily reminder emails, but she's agreed to taper down: reminder emails > holding in mind emails > I'm here emails. She said no once to a personal question I asked about her therapy, but later realized I wasn't asking for specifics, so she answered generally. T told me no when I asked if she loved me. I guess that's a different kind of question. She also said no originally when I asked for a stuffed animal as a transitional object. For some reason she thought I wanted a big stuffed animal, but when she realized I wanted a small one, she got me one.

Did it hurt when she said she didn't love you? That would have devastated me. It was courageous of you to ask.

Wow he said no to a hug, but hugs other clients? That sounds hard to understand and painful. I’m not sure what you meant by hypothetical, did you mean the image of it? I’ve had the image of a hug In my head and have found the image helpful.

That sounds great that your T has never said no, except that once., and that she apologised after for the way she spoke that one time., and that you were able to call her after. I too have huge emotion about my T saying no to me about this thing.

I really like reading your posts about your therapy. It seems courageous to me to ask for that as a transitional object, I would find having that useful too, but would never ask as the emotions if she replied no would be very painful, and I would also battle emotions at asking for such a thing at my age. I also think it’s courageous to bring up the subject of love.

I can’t believe he didn’t tell you that from the start. Was he somehow ashamed to admit it? His back must be really bad for him to not want to stand up.

Ex T said no to charging up a marble of mine...

Current T, no touch except a goodbye hug.