Couch 226--CCXXVI Couch

I am a member of so many support groups. When it comes to asking for support, I don't know where to post. I'm feeling steamrollered already, and I haven't even got to the difficult bit yet.


There will not be any answers concerning my ailing relative for a little while, so it feels mildly pointless to bring that into session. Tomorrow ends one series of grief anniversaries, and the 15th marks the anniversary of the discovery of the deception.

I have no frigging idea where to start...

Feel free to post here, Lost. My T once referred to these forums as a big support group.

Ugh, I'm really unsure how to deal with some things Dr. T said today... I understand his point, but... Maybe I should have just listened to the voice in my head that questioned whether I should bring this up or not...


He said at the end that he wondered if this would be another "conversation grenade," and I worry that it will be.

Sorry to hear that, LT. I hope you can figure it out. Even if it is a 'conversation grenade', I hope you can work through it.

I am fairly loose on cleaning stuff. I don't usually wash my cast iron even with water (there are a few rare exceptions) - I scrub with salt and reheat with oil. But every time cleaning cast iron comes up on some of my cooking forums - it is the biggest xxxx show. I am most amused by the hyper clean people who insist on soap - the soap insisters get all unhinged at everyone else - even though they are not eating from those skillets.

I'm eating lunch and all 3 cats are laying around me on the couch and table. They all want my sammich haha

Thanks, Lost. I think it just sort of makes me wonder if I should keep seeing this T. We've worked through lots of things. And he's been great through the pandemic. But it also gets tiring to have to deal with the same issues again and again...

I have trouble dealing with cast iron because of the fact that you aren't supposed to use soap on it. The OCD part of me struggles with that. Plus, they're really heavy!

I personally don't think you should have to censor yourself in therapy.

Why not see another T for one or two sessions?

Thanks, Lemon. I did send Dr. T an email. I was looking at T listings last night in anticipation of this. There were a couple I contacted before who seemed like possibilities, though no idea if they'd have availability now. And I feel bad that one I contacted and had a 15-minute consult with, then said I might be interested, then never said anything else. This was in October maybe? Or August? Last mini-rupture.

Hope you can message and ask if they have availability at the moment.

I've also used the "I'll email you" line but didn't. It was easier that way. I'd also feel guilty, but there's no obligation to continue and they could charge if they really wanted too and offer no free mins.

I might wobble every now and then, but I genuinely do wish that I had actually left much sooner and not kept going back again and again, believing that we could work it out. I stayed because I was super attached and dependent on him. Now nine weeks out of therapy it feels liberating taking back that control and no longer having to deal with "the relationship" drama, of feeling like he didn't really understand it and making me feel like I was crazy for reacting the way I did. You're much stronger then you think you are- you don't knowt until you look back.

I’m surprised that there are people in the world who would use soap in their cast iron pan. That defeats the whole purpose of the pan.

Good energy to those of you who are struggling at the moment. I’m in the boat as well. Maybe we can make tshirts

Lemon, I worry that if there was a T I said I'd contact but then didn't, that they'd hold it against me. But I'd like to think they wouldn't. Because I'm sure that's really common among potential clients.

I would wear the tshirt.

I was just on a group text with my mom and 2 sisters and my one sister said something that totally triggered something in me and i snapped back "i will just shut up then" and turned off my phone. now i feel like an idiot. what the hell is wrong with me?!

Hugs, Artie. Nothing is wrong with you. You were triggered and stepped away to protect yourself. You were taking care of yourself.

Texts can be hard to judge tone.

Isn’t he also dealing with the same issue again and again? On the other side from you, of course. Maybe you can talk about that.

He is who he is. Either that benefits you or not. Your therapy isn’t about changing him, it’s about helping you handle life. Maybe the conversation grenades give you more insight into other issues in your life, or maybe they’re useless. Only you can really know.

Totally separate issue: I have 4 hours between classes, so I spent it walking a couple miles around the campus lake and I was thinking about how there’s the rule of thumb, 7 animal years = 1 human year. What’s the ratio of therapy years to real-life years? Like I feel it’s only now after 3 1/2 years that Info is becoming regularly useful. And I’d know that a lot faster in real life. So I posit 1 year in therapy = 1 month of real life.

Got my first shot! 6 more weeks and L says we won't have to wear masks with each other anymore!

Tomorrow I "see" T. I'm so nervous!

I texted my sister back and we worked it out, I let her know that I've been kind of a mess lately struggling with stuff and that I reacted to what she'd said from that place. She said she's struggling too and hadn't meant to upset me. I think I'm more than a little nervous also about getting my 2nd covid shot day after tomorrow.


I need to get out of the house. I'm off work tomorrow, have physical therapy in the morning. Maybe I'll go do a short hike tomorrow after that.

I'm gonna go cook dinner now (fish and air fried potatoes and maybe green beans or corn not sure yet).

I get my second shot on friday. So far, most of my friends (all older than I am and have gotten theirs before me) have not had too much trouble with it - sore arm again and feeling a little blah the next day but not much more than that

I am looking over my student evaluations from last term. Is it good to have an online course compared to a Netflix docuseries? (I don't watch them so I have no idea what they're like.)

At least they didn't compare it to a mockumentary.

I don't know what a netflix docuseries is. I don't watch much netflix.

Yes, this is part of what I'm trying to figure out. That we keep having similar issues. So is what he's giving me helpful enough to balance those out? The sort of relationship issues we've had lately have all branched into discussing other relationships in my life (even including on here at one point), so I think it's helping me in that respect. Because I have certain patterns in all relationship.

The thing today is that he recognized how some issues I've dealt with regarding him and our relationship have helped me with my outside life (like, I have similar concerns in my relationship with him that I do regarding friends and family). But he said he'd rather I leave him out of it if possible, to just skip that step in talking to him if I have a realization about something.

And in a way, I get that, but if talking about the step in between (involving him) helps me, then I don't see what's so bad, aside from his personal discomfort, about mentioning it in the process of talking about things. Do I really need to protect/take care of the therapist that much? Isn't that part of the point of paying them? For them to take care of their own stuff? Otherwise, how is it that much different from a friendship, except that I'm also paying for it?