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wheeler
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 07:17 AM
  #1
I have been seeing my therapist for 5 years. She has helped and I don’t want to change. Since Covid we have been doing remote therapy.

I just got an email yesterday from her that said she’s moved to the next state over, which is about a 3 hour ride. Which means that she will basically only be offering remote sessions, maybe once every couple of months in person.

Reading this email was like getting punched in the gut. I don’t even know where to begin.

I hate that she lives so far away. It was comforting knowing she lived in the same community and never far away.

I wonder why she moved. Did she split from her husband? I know her adult son lives in the state she moved to so is that why?

I see her today so we have spoken about all of this yet. But will she tell me why she moved? Sometimes she shares things other times she doesn’t. How will I react/feel if she doesn’t tell me.

I have learned to be very comfortable with remote although part of me was looking forward to going back in person.

Thanks for reading. My mind is out of control

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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 10:22 AM
  #2
That's a sudden move without notice. I don't see any harm in asking her. She might not answer but it is still worth discussing the impact on you.
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 11:53 AM
  #3
Hug's I am sorry your t e-mailed you and did not tell you earlier about moving to another State. There is nothing wrong with asking her. Hopefully she will answer.
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 03:36 PM
  #4
I'd let her know that doing this without giving you fair warning, is unacceptable. Let her know how angry and hurt you are. Maybe there was a family emergency that prompted her to move. I hope you get an apology.

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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 04:59 PM
  #5
I understand how hard it is. My therapist and I are normally in different countries.however she has been here almost a year because of covid, so it has been so good to have her only an hour away. Its been good to get to go visit her like I use to.
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Default Apr 09, 2021 at 05:17 AM
  #6
Thanks for everyone’s feedback and hugs.

We met last night, virtually, and other than telling me the city she moved to, she wouldn’t tell me why. She said it was personal and not her story to tell . I was crushed. She said it shouldn’t matter to me. Things happen in her life all the time that I know nothing about.

Very sad and hurt. I don’t know if I’ll be
Able to continue to work with her. And I know
I wouldn’t start this process over again with someone else.

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Default Apr 09, 2021 at 11:26 AM
  #7
Sorry to hear that wheeler. She does not have to say why, fair enough. Yet, what an uncaring way to shut you down. It shouldn't matter to you?! Erm, has she been to 'therapy school'? Sheesh.

Totally understandable that you would not want to keep working with her. That was very insensitive and rather deluded for a T to say.
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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 06:08 PM
  #8
Wheeler, I'm in the same boat. My therapist moved 3 hrs away, same state though. Right now her office was 12 minutes from my home. Covid hit and we went remote. And now she will be moving and there is no possibility of ever seeing her in person. She has not even offered an in person appt when this pandemic starts to change things. I am afraid that it will have to come to and end. She will get in person clients there in the new city and drop her remote clients. That is my fear. Her house has sold and moving week starts next week for her, she mentioned that she might have to cancel our appt because of it. She asked if I felt she was being deceitful? At the time she asked, I had no reason to think differently. Now that I have, yes, I think she has known she was going to move, Her words when she told me is that it was unexpected, how can it be if you have your house already on the market and sold?? She is moving to be closer to her grandkids. She has 2 boys and one girl. I, at first, took it rather hard, and it would still be difficult, if i have not become so numb and untrusting of people, I guess have a wall up that is like steel. Like right now I want to feel sad but can't, its just not there. She even tried to bring up her move in session, and I was like I'm fine. but was talking about snapping at my kid and feeling anxious about other things. She also made some comments on how stuff leaks out in strange ways, but I ignored her comment. I just dont want to address it. its pointless to me now. Sure it will hit me later.

I have felt the same way, that after her, I will not work with anyone else. I will have to deal with my unresolved trauma and not work through it. I have DID so we work on being present and stull like that. Parts of me have written her and delete messages and I know I write and delete without sending her but some things in my head I am not sure if I really sent and so I know she is aware of younger parts of me feeling very strongly towards her and this has devasted them. I cant access and really dont want to now those parts of me. Just trying to move on. all for another day.

Sorry, Wheeler!! Hope that remote therapy can work for you.
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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 07:01 PM
  #9
I am really sorry for those experiencing this. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. I met a woman this week who works in a clinic in another state. She and her family had been considering moving home for a few years but the timing was never right. Her spouse's job was severely effected the pandemic and had to find a new one. The best fitting job was at home. The only needed support with their young family. The therapist has tried to find way to continue seeing her clients virtually but the clinic will not allow it after she fully moves here. She is definitely torn.

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Default Apr 17, 2021 at 05:22 AM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by wheeler View Post
Thanks for everyone’s feedback and hugs.

We met last night, virtually, and other than telling me the city she moved to, she wouldn’t tell me why. She said it was personal and not her story to tell . I was crushed. She said it shouldn’t matter to me. Things happen in her life all the time that I know nothing about.

Very sad and hurt. I don’t know if I’ll be
Able to continue to work with her. And I know
I wouldn’t start this process over again with someone else.
My experience with that phrase - “it’s not my story to tell” - is that it is used out of respect for the person it pertains to. In other words her reason for moving may be because of something going on privately with a loved one, and she does not feel that telling their private issues to other people is respectful of her loved one’s privacy.
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Default Apr 17, 2021 at 11:22 AM
  #11
I am so, so sorry. What a horrible shock you've had. But please know that I believe you will cope with your T's move and that there may be an even better situation for you eventually.

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Default Apr 25, 2021 at 09:29 PM
  #12
How are you doing, Wheeler? I think my T will be out of her home this week. Sad to think no in person visits anymore. She was all I see or go to. I started back up with my massage therapist, I think an attempt to compensate for the loss of my T. big Sigh,,,
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Default Apr 27, 2021 at 09:04 PM
  #13
Still working out all my thoughts and feelings around her moving. I have been able to talk with her about all of this and that has been helpful. Although I still keep hoping it’s been a bad dream.
Now the piece that I’m having the most difficulty is not knowing why she moved. It’s got to be a pretty big reason, she said it’s family issues but she won’t say anything more. That is driving me crazy.

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Default May 06, 2021 at 12:35 PM
  #14
Wheeler, I am too wishing it was just a bad dream. While our therapists have moved, and I know the reason, and you don't, let me say, it still is difficult for me to deal with. I can only seem to talk to her by way of writing about my week, and then reading it. this week was 7 pages typed on the computer, Last week it was 4 pages. I write my thoughts and feelngs, kinda like a journal, and just read. It takes away from having to focus on anything else and helpls. Nothing seems to take away how much I miss her though. I think it will hit harder when things start to ease back into normalacy., the in person visits. And here I am still doing virtual sessions.

I know not knowing is difficult and would cause so much anxiety. It would be a huge reason if she can not tell you, and hope that with her being near her family that things will improve for her. My T just wants to be closer to her grandkids, I don't blame her, I would probbably do the same. I would love to ask her if Covid played a part in her decsion or not? I dont want to ask, because it will not change anything. She moved. Its over. And i may not ever see her in person again. I also want to ask if she were to open a practice, an office, would she consider me coming once a month or something. I fear because I told her about my close call in following her that she would say NO. that for me its best we stay virutal. I dont think I could bring it up to her.

I hope that things improve for you, Wheeler. I hope that you will be able to figure out why its important for you to know, and be okay with it. Good Luck and have peace always.
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Default May 07, 2021 at 07:49 AM
  #15
Thanks Just2B. I’m sorry you understand how
Hard this is. My feelings have been all over the place. Sometimes I am in an ‘ok’ place with it and sometimes I just sit and cry.

We had a really hard/bad session last week. A few days later I sent her an email explaining myself better, and her response was lovely, so there’s hope I guess .

Like you, I’m gonna keep working on it and see where it goes.

Take care

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Default May 07, 2021 at 09:02 AM
  #16
I feel that sadness more after sessions lately. Last week, I really wish I could of hugged her or felt her presence. Though if we were in person I would not of asked. Thinking the distance is good in someways, but still feels bad.

Wheeler, glad to hear that your working through it.
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