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Just2ofme
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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 07:53 AM
  #1
Hi,
I don't know if I am posting in the right place. Well here goes it has been about 4 weeks out from back surgery and 5 weeks out that my therapist has left me. I was seeing this therapist for about 3 years now and we had such a good connection. He has taught me so much and brought me out of my shell. He worked at this state run mental health center that I go to because it is cheaper, but 4 weeks ago, just one week before my back surgery he calls to tell me he is leaving, one week just one week, who does that. I couldn't contain my emotions and I lost it I couldn't stop crying, I know that you are not to get so attached to your therapist but this therapist and I connected he got me. He is the first therapist that I really could tell him everything and I did, but my whole life is turned upside down. Here it is 5 weeks later and I haven't had one phone call from this place to help me find a new therapist that works there, I am suicidal, that is all I think about is wanting to die, I am so very lost the only thing keeping me going is getting out of pain from surgery with PT. I feel so abandon, mad, hurt. I would have liked to have talked a couple more times with the therapist but I have to wish him the best really he is good at what he does. I am in my sixties and it took me so long to find a good therapist, I don't see me finding another one. I can't go on like this without someone to talk to and I am so very lost.
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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 12:42 PM
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This sounds like such a difficult situation. I know you said that you do see yourself finding another T but it might help just to have a few sessions with someone as sort of the closure you didn't get with your T. Maybe you could call the place you were getting therapy at to see if they have someone you could see. I'm sorry he didn't give you any referrals. That kind of left you in a lurch. I'm sorry about the back surgery too. I hope you are healing okay. HUGS if wanted, Kit

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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 01:20 PM
  #3
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Hugs if wanted.


I don't understand how t's just really don't seem to grasp how hurtful doing this is to people. how can they not know?! It's awful.
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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 04:03 PM
  #4
In theory it's easy to tell ourselves we shouldn't get too attached to our therapist. Much harder not to in practice, especially when they just 'get us'.

I am also going through the loss of my therapist at the moment, but for different reasons to yourself. It's so hard to imagine finding someone else and working with them.

I agree that the mental health centre should be helping you with finding another therapist, that's part of their job I would have thought. Sometimes we have to advocate for ourselves though and give people a nudge. If you are struggling and feeling suicidal, please get in touch with the centre and demand some help.

I really hope you get sorted out with some support soon, I know how difficult it is feeling so lost and alone.

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Default Apr 17, 2021 at 02:47 PM
  #5
@Just2ofme I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am concerned about you feeling suicidal. Please contact the crisis line and ask for a mental health worker to come out and meet with you. Please call 1800-273-8255. Here is a link for support: Lifeline
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Default Apr 17, 2021 at 03:47 PM
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I know a lot of people who have lost their Ts have said that they can't imagine starting over with someone else.

When ex-T left me, I rushed to find a new T. I knew I couldn't survive what I went through on my own. First T I saw was a flop. But second T I kept (for 6 years now). I didn't really start over. We worked on the abandonment of ex-T for pretty much 2 years straight (of course mixed with daily and/or relational issues). But it wasn't focused on my childhood. When T went on her maternity leave, I started with L. And again, we haven't really gone back to focusing on childhood stuff. It does come up in the context of my personal struggles.

My point is that you don't have to start over. You can pick up right where you are. You still have all the knowledge, experience, and lessons you have learned. There's no need to go backwards unless you choose to.

Please reach out to someone. Crisis lines, therapist, even the hospital if you need to. There is help out there and you don't need to be alone through this.

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Default Apr 17, 2021 at 05:26 PM
  #7
I’m sorry this has hit you so hard, and that you haven’t been given a new referral or anything, yet. It sounds like a very difficult situation and how you feel right now is totally understandable.
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 03:30 PM
  #8
I have now lost 2 therapists that at one time meant the world to me. It was 2 of the hardest times of my life. I was also very suicidal when I lost them (one just disappeared knowing my extreme abandonment fears) and could not ever imagine starting all over and trusting another therapist again. What I learned through my dark times of grieving them is that I am so glad I didn’t end my life over them. I am worth more than that. Also like others said, you can start where you are. It is possible to work with someone else. I am sorry you know this pain and are going through this. Your feelings are valid and its so hard to navigate such a devastating loss. It does get better and the pain gets better over time. I know its hard to see in the midst of such pain and loss but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Gentile hugs if wanted.
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 05:02 PM
  #9
Just2ofme, how are you doing?

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Default May 05, 2021 at 07:29 AM
  #10
Hi, Everyone who commented on my last post. I am sorry but I have been very busy and I didn't realize this many of you commented, thank you for your concerns and your help.
I am now 8 weeks out from being dumped by my therapist and 7 from back surgery. I still haven't heard from the therapy place but I did make two phone calls and left messages, still no one has called me. I have been two busy with doctor visits and Pt and things are not going good I am walking on my own, but my legs are numb and my knees are hurting a lot. See I am also dealing with my rheumatoid arthritis, the doctor has taken away 3 of my RA medicines because they slow my healing down. So I am dealing with a lot of physical pain as well as mental. I just saw the doctor yesterday and they letting me have only one of my RA meds back, I am so happy one is better then none, so I hope that my walking will improve. Right now I am putting all of my energy into getting better I am having a lot of ups and downs and I am also hoping that adding this one med back will help with the pain. About mental therapy I am not sure about starting over just the thoughts of seeing a new T is giving me more anxiety then just concentrating on getting better from surgery. I think for now I will do just that, I hope in the mean time my mental health stays ok, I am still crying when I don't know where to turn when I get very upset. I will post after I see my lung doctor today.
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Default May 05, 2021 at 05:34 PM
  #11
I am so, so sorry that happened. Its so unfair. My first therapist dumped me one night out of the blue. No warning, no reasons, just that she was done with me. No clue what I did wrong as I was always a good client. It left me scarred for years and years. I am so, so sorry that you’re going through this.
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