Couch 227 - The Safe Couch

It’s not snowing here. Also I saw galoshes tucked under her desk.

She told me to watch some movie called “The Kid” starring Bruce Willis. Never heard of it, has anyone?

I unexpectedly have the rest of the day off, they offered if anyone wanted to take PTO so I did. Woohoo! I just cooked breakfast for me and H and he's watching the Giants game on tv. Maybe I'll crochet for a bit. Crocheting with baseball on tv takes me back to sitting with my grandma a long time ago while we both crocheted and my grandpa watched baseball. I need to finish my brother's slippers and then make a pair for his wife. Late birthday gifts for both of them (his was in Feb, hers was earlier this month). Actually I also need to spend some time starting to clean out and organize closets. We're still looking at moving at some point in the not too distant future and I don't want to bring a bunch of junk I don't need to the new place.

It's not snowing here either, although it's very windy today! We have a red flag warning (for strong and gusty winds) until 8pm tonight. It's 80 degrees F though.

I would not react well if my partner placed her hand over my mouth during a discussion about how we communicate.

Yeah, I realized the stupidity/irony as soon as I did it. But paradoxically it worked?

I don’t plan to ever do it again, though. I think that’s one of those, “you get one” things.

Hi Couch,

I have a Couch etiquette question - I'm wondering whether I jumped the gun. So, is it 1000 posts, or 100 pages that is the cap?

Thanks,

Lost

Lost, I think you are fine. I think it is 100 pages. HUGS Kit

My coworker unexpectedly brought me a DutchBros coffee today when she went on her morning break. I wasn't expecting it and it was very good. They are a newish coffee place in town. I had never heard of them before they moved in. They are always really busy so I have never gone there myself. I might have to now because the coffee was really good. No wonder they have long lines! I heard they only take cards though and I like to pay in cash. It helps me keep track better of my spending money then when I use my card. When I use my cash, when it's gone, it's gone. On my card, it's like, unlimited money. Yeah, I wish!

It's 1000 posts. Everyone's pages are unique to themselves, as you can set the parameter (for how many posts per page) in your profile.

I don't understand why people call me a bubble headed paper clip?!

Is there an option to get gift cards for there, maybe? I imagine you'd have to use a credit card to put money on the card, but then you could have a set amount to spend?

Thanks, that's a good idea.

A 1000 posts but some people *cough*unaluna*cough* start new Couches as soon as we’re within 50. So no worries, there is precedent.

I appreciate people starting them whenever! I only start them early sometimes so folks arent stranded couchless in the middle of the night. I never know when someones gonna go on a jumping on the couch binge!

So Dr. T has been giving me a reduced rate (reduced beyond his normal reduction) for the past...9 months or so maybe? We came to an agreement on it for like 3 months, then he's extended it a couple times when I asked. It's due to end May 1, and he had said when he gave that extension that we'd agree to have it go up May 1. In my post-COVID-shot weakened state, I was sort of saying I wished it could be extended for a month or two--well, actually to have an amount between the reduced and regular rate--but that I wasn't asking. And he said, "I said we wouldn't renegotiate." Which made me feel really bad. Not so much that he said he wouldn't, but that I felt bad about even bringing it up at all.

I'm just not ready to stop 3x a week yet (he's fine with that), and going back to the other rate will make it considerably more expensive a week. It's just difficult for me because he's mentioned basically having more clients than he can handle right now. And he'd said how if I had canceled today at the last minute (due to shot side effects), it wouldn't have affected him financially at all. So that sort of hit me in a weird way...

But then after session, I felt guilty about even bringing up the money thing, so I sent him an apologetic email. Saying how I know he's been more than generous with both money and time with me (he hasn't charged for any emails--for any clients--since the start of the pandemic, for example). But that in a way, it felt like a rejection, that he said no renegotiation, even though I know it wasn't one. How I understood if he was irritated or even angry with me for bringing it up, that I hoped the apology would help dampen those feelings. How much of this is really about my anxiety of things changing (like going back to seeing him in person, reentering the world in general post-vaccine, etc.).

So, now I likely wait until morning for a reply, unless he realizes how bothered I'll be and decides to reply this evening (he typically will read emails throughout the day but mostly replies the next morning).

Hugs, LT. I can understand how him saying "I said we wouldn't renegotiate" would sound harsh, especially considering you had just said you weren't asking. I would have felt like a scolded child hearing that. Probably my own "stuff" but when I read that I heard it in a condescending, annoyed tone. I sincerely hope he did not say it the way I 'heard' it in my head!


Conversations between L and I involving money have always been the most anxiety-provoking (for me anyway). I have a firmly entrenched money complex that doesn't want to budge. I'm working on it but it remains.

HUGS LT, I can imagine that was a difficult conversation and I'm sorry you are feeling guilty. What is it with money that brings up feelings of guilt? If I'm not giving it away I'm feeling guilty about money. Sometimes to my own detriment. I hope that you still feel held and secure in your connection to Dr. T. HUGS Kit

LT, your saying how you were feeling but also that you weren't asking - reminds me of something. I have been seeing L in person again for a little while, for which I am hugely grateful, but without our usual hug as I'm leaving of course. I really miss those hugs. But I've been afraid to tell her that, just to talk about it, even though, like you, I would not be asking for them again, because she might interpret my talking about how I feel about it as asking even if I'm not.

(well that was a comma-heavy sentence haha)

Thanks, Artie and Kit. There is definitely something about discussions on money that brings up guilt. I also really struggle to have discussions with H about anything financial. Like he can just say, "Hey, what were the charges on this credit card?" like to just put it in the budget spreadsheet, and I start apologizing. And he'll say he doesn't care, he just wants to know what they are.


I think it's also difficult to discuss with therapists because it brings up the whole nature of the relationship. That they're ultimately providing a service for money. And the thought of, how, if we could no longer pay them, they'd stop caring (even though they'd likely still care--at least I hope they would--they just could no longer meet with us).

I understand being afraid to tell her that. I think she'd understand though? Especially if you say you know that you can't right now because of COVID (I assume that's why, right?) But I get what you mean, how if you mention it, it will still *seem* like you're asking for it, even if you say you aren't.


I think it's going to be difficult for me to start seeing Dr. T in person again next month without being able to shake his hand, but I have no idea when, if ever, he'd be comfortable with that again. He intends to meet without masks (though clients can request he wear one), and will only meet with vaccinated clients. But he also intends to stay 6 feet apart, which of course would make it impossible to shake hands.

Me too, Kit. I think that's what my money complex is filled to the brim with - guilt. I don't know where it comes from specifically, except something from my childhood. That's why I'm struggling so much with H and I's plan to move to a newer house. I feel guilty wanting that, even though it makes sense to want to live in a newer home as we are both approaching retirement. Less maintenance, etc. Our current house is like 35 years old.