Couch 227 - The Safe Couch

Oh yep, I should have said that, we stopped the hugs because of COVID. And we still stay 6 feet apart and she took the water pitcher/glasses out of her office.

Maybe you can do an elbow bump instead of a handshake? I've seen people doing that in various places like at physical therapy.

Although even an elbow bump would be closer than 6 feet so....

I kinda like this having half a day off in the middle of the week. I started on the 2nd slipper for my brother (made the first one back in Feb), went through a box of junk from a closet and threw out most of the stuff that was in it, and ate a bowl of ice cream. Now I think I am going to go read or maybe play a computer game.

Info tried telling me yesterday that she paid me. I couldn’t let that go by, so “how?” Answer: “I pay you with my time and attention.”

Um, no. That is not how it works. Or does she think I randomly give her money for being awesome?

Challenged that this was not logical, she responded “Only if you use adult logic.”

LT, what your post suggests to me is that to you money is a way of keeping score in your relationship with your therapist: does he care enough to do x money-wise? If he doesn’t need your money, maybe he doesn’t need you.

ETA: there’s no real reason for a therapist and a client who are both vaccinated not to hug or shake hands, especially since they’ve just spent 45 minutes together indoors. Info’s been offering hugs at the end of session. (Maybe that’s how she “pays” clients.)

Speaking of guilt, though not about money in this case, I am feeling guilty about being hospitalized for mental health when I've had to be hospitalized on a 72 hour hold.


I want to visit my sponsored child through Compassion International (I don't mean right now when the pandemic is going on but afterward when they are back to doing trips again) but you do have to pass a background check (which I appreciate for the safety of the children and the team members) only I wonder if PSYCH HOSPITAL would come up on the check and disqualify me? I don't have any arrests or anything like that, just stays in a psych ward. But since we are dealing with vulnerable children here, I wonder what all they check. I asked their customer relations team but they gave a non-answer. Something like, we are not able to assist you at this time, as we are not doing any trips, once we are on schedule to do trips again you can fill out an application and see what transpires. Turds. Like why can't you answer the question?


I'm saving up anyway. Sort of. Doing my best to. When they do trips they go to each of the countries they sponsor children with every two years so who knows when their trip to Ethiopia would be and I don't have an idea of the cost. So I'm just trying to save generally. Next year my finances will be much better off because I will have paid off my last credit card and my car. So then I will be able to save a lot quicker. If I don't give it all away to charity.

I just feel guilty now about my psych holds. And worried that it's going to keep me from visiting my sponsored child. And my anxiety won't be squashed until I pass the background check which could conceivably be months or years away from now. Bah.

They're all over Oregon. Guess they're moving south. I went once and they were way too friendly for my taste. "How are you doin'? You have any good plans for today?"

Good to know. That would annoy me too. Just give me the blankety blank coffee thank you.

Maybe you should both get those hands on a stick they use for dog training and shake with those. Like these: https://heathermackenzie.files.wordp...andsmedium.jpg

So what would have come next if he hadn't shut down this line of thought? You're worried about your ability to cope with fewer sessions? You're worried about negotiating the larger hit to the household budget with your H if you don't reduce session frequency? You're stressed about even having to make that decision? You'll miss your T and you feel shame about that? You wonder if the relationship with your T would change? You feel powerless around issues of money? I love hypothetical statements like that in therapy, and I'm sorry Dr. T made assumptions about what you meant (that you were asking when you explicitly said that you weren't) rather than exploring the meaning of the desire with you.

Well, I sent in my appeal for the rental assistance. Fingers crossed! It would help us with $17k.

I talked to L this morning. She helped calm me.

I, too, feel uncomfortable about talking money and finances with L. I feel bad not paying her full fee especially considering how much H spends. Like if we could afford xyz, why can't I afford her rate. She says she has it built into her practice, but I still feel a lot of guilt.

Wow, I wouldn't know how to respond to Info either (especially if she said it while she was wearing a shirt tucked into leggings...).

You make a good point about the "keeping score" thing. Before I read your post, I was having this thought (and started to type up an email addendum about it, then quickly deleted it) that it was like starting next month, he's charging me more to care and support me the same amount.

And good point on shaking hands or hugging. Plus, even if it was a risk, isn't it being in close proximity (within 6 feet) for 15 minutes or more? A handshake or hug would presumably be like 30 seconds (maybe a warmer hug could be like a minute? I'm not really a hugger...)

Plus, at one point, Dr. T told me he immediately goes and washes his hands after shaking hands with a client anyway. Which felt a bit...odd.

I hope the rental assistance works out--that's a lot of money!

And I'd try to take L's word that she has it built into her practice. Dr. T has said similarly, and from things I've read, therapists who offer a sliding scale set up their fees that way, where they know that not every client will pay the full fee.

I am 54 and i watch those only since i got a Switch and its mainly to find out if the game i am interested in is worth buying. I guess i was a little dis appointed that the tv show had no real commentary but i went back and watched awhile. It was hosted by a well known comedian in my country and looked like he was struggling to say something interesting.

Yes that is also why i watch.

After my bout of anxiety yesterday i didnt get the best sleep and from 1am to about 3:30 am my cat kept poking me in the face so i talked to him and when i started dozing off he would poke me in the face. Then i went into a deep sleep and slept past 7 am and i am feeling really groggy now.

I'm sorry you are feeling groggy. My cat Esther will poke me in the face if she is hungry. Usually on my nose. She will head butt me if she wants to be petted. Bossy little thing!

So, we did actually end up talking about some of those topics. I can technically afford, at least for a bit, continuing to do 3 times a week at this rate (thanks, stimulus payment). But I was saying how much of it was making decisions between therapy vs. other things. Though I said maybe it's good if I'm making those decisions. Because it's helping me determine what priority to put on therapy. And could help push me toward reducing sessions (Dr. T specifically clarified that he wasn't trying to push me into reducing sessions with the rate going back up, that he's fine with me continuing at this frequency).

But I did talk about my fear in reducing sessions. And wondering whether it's a need vs. a want right now. Like, have I just gotten used to this frequency? I said how some weeks, it will be session day, and I'll think, "I could have waited another day." But then other weeks, I'll want an extra or earlier session.

He said how I'd done well at twice a week for a long time. That he felt I could do that again. I said how if I went back to Monday/Thursday, it's not the stretch from Monday to Thursday I was concerned about, but over the weekend.

But then I said how much of that was due to how things have been during the pandemic. That weekends weren't much different from other times. How if I start going back into the "real world," that I'll be doing things on weekends again (even just going out to dinner with H, whether with D, or with her spending the night at a grandparent's). And that I'll start doing things like going to yoga class again, meeting a friend for lunch. How there could be things that would take the place of a T session.

But how right now, it's been over a year into the pandemic, so it's difficult to believe those things will happen, to remember how it was when they did. That Dr. T is one of my connections to the outside world right now. That I worry about losing that (with the current frequency).

And we discussed possible ways to work toward reducing sessions, but didn't really come up with good solutions. Like wouldn't want to try to set a deadline, as that would cause me stress. Though, there's the financial aspect... I guess I hope that as I start venturing back into the world, I won't feel the need to see him as much? Or that I'll want to spend the money on other things? I don't know...

I wish T where i lived offered sliding scale. The first uncomfortable discussion i had with my exT was asking for a reduced rate but i obviously didnt ask it properly because he thought i was asking for free sessions and then i felt guilty for that.
Is it because as kids we were told not waste money like turn the lights out it costs money etc.

I have a coffee now so it should kick in soon and the dogs want breakfast so they sitting here whining at me.

I also dreamed about my contact lenses. I havent worn contacts for a long time as i nearly lost the sight in one eye from an infection. The contacts in my dream were huge like the size of hand which makes me wonder if i had large eyes in my dream as it looked i was viewing everything through a fish eye lens