[SlumberKitty]

Hi All,

I have an appointment with New T today--Dr. K. I'm a bit nervous even though it won't be my first time with a new T....it's just my first time with THIS new T. I filled out a mountain of paperwork and emailed it in so I hope he has looked at it. I would be upset if he is flipping through it as we are meeting because there was a lot to it.


We are meeting virtually through Doxy.me. I've not used that platform but I watched a Youtube video on it and it seems really easy. It seems similar to one my Pdoc uses Simple Health or Simple Practice something like that.


I'm nervous because if he asks what my goals are I kind of know what they are but I don't really know how to articulate them so I'm trying to sort that out in my head now before I meet with him (at 2). And I'm nervous in case he just thinks I'm wasting his time or something. I've been fairly stable for a little while but it wasn't that long ago that I wasn't stable. When I am stable I often feel like why am I in therapy but when I'm not stable then I know why I am in therapy.


The only other male therapist I had was my pastor and obviously I already knew him. This guy used to work with my Pdoc so that makes me feel a little better. Usually I have older women but maybe it would be better to have a whole different perspective.


I'm just a little nervous. Anyone has some words of wisdom to share? Thanks HUGS Kit

[SlumberKitty]

Oh and plus I haven't told Regular T that I am looking around at other T's and I am supposed to meet with her on Saturday. I feel guilty.

[Rive.]

Good luck with your appointment. There's no need to feel guilty... you are doing good self-care. There is nothing wrong in seeking consistent, helpful, support.

As for

I'm nervous because if he asks what my goals are I kind of know what they are

How about you list what you think those goals are on a piece of paper. Then refer to it. You can also work on goals together... goals can always change and evolve etc

I hope it works out and that he is a good match. You've waited a long time for this..

[LonesomeTonight]

I hope your appointment goes well, Kit.

I would suggest telling him exactly this: "I've been fairly stable for a little while but it wasn't that long ago that I wasn't stable. When I am stable I often feel like why am I in therapy but when I'm not stable then I know why I am in therapy." And I think one goal would be to try to stay stable, or to recognize the signs that you're becoming less stable an have a plan to deal with them. Not just like a safety plan, but something that kicks in sooner than that.

As for working with a male T, I find I actually tend to prefer them. But it's always been a bit easier for me to talk to males, for whatever reason.

So, he will likely have your paperwork in front of him and may reference things from it. That doesn't mean he didn't look at it before. But with this being the first time you're seeing him, he won't have the memory from working with you for a long time. And he may have questions about specific things you said. That's what Dr. T did the first session in part, went through some of my answers with me, asked questions, etc.

Some T's also have a standard way that they do intakes, especially if he works for a clinic. Like certain questions they ask all new clients. He may want to go through and take a general history, like, say, when certain symptoms and conditions started, what sorts of treatment (not just medication, but types of therapy, mindfulness, etc.) you've tried. A general sense of what your childhood was like, what your current living and working conditions are, things like that. And he'll likely explain how he works. He should be open to your asking any questions. It's a time when you could ask, say, whether he allows outside contact or extra sessions.

Or it could be that you sign on and he just asks what led you to come see him and it's a more open conversation. It really just depends on the therapist's style.

One thing I would say is, unless you really dislike him or he says he has little experience treating your conditions, I would give it at least two sessions to decide. The first can be very businesslike, you're just getting to know each other. The fact that it will be online could make it more challenging to get a true sense of him--some therapists are much better online than others (I'm lucky in that mine is one of the good ones with that). And I assume he'd eventually meet clients in person again?

Also, I used doxy.me a couple times with D's T, and I think it's what I used for a consultation with another potential T. It was fairly easy to use, from what I recall, where they just send you a link.

Will be thinking good thoughts for you!

Sorry, that ended up being a novel!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

...

I'm nervous because if he asks what my goals are I kind of know what they are but I don't really know how to articulate them so I'm trying to sort that out in my head now before I meet with him (at 2). And I'm nervous in case he just thinks I'm wasting his time or something. I've been fairly stable for a little while but it wasn't that long ago that I wasn't stable. When I am stable I often feel like why am I in therapy but when I'm not stable then I know why I am in therapy.

...

Hi Kit, Almost anyone would be nervous, seeing a new T. Sheesh, I've been seeing mine for 2 years and I still get nervous.

I think writing down the above paragraph and either reading it to him or remembering to bring up the pertinent points would be a really good start, because you've outlined your presenting concerns in those sentences.

I hope your appointment goes really well. Let us know!

[Breaking Dawn]

Hi, Kit! I've had really good & not good Ts, both male & female. I admire you for searching for a good one, even while feeling nervous. I don't have a T at the moment & I really need one. I'm looking forward to your report about how this first session went. Hugs!!

[unaluna]

Hope it went well!

[velcro003]

I hope it went okay, Kit!

[RoxanneToto]

I also hope it went well and that they’re a good match for you.
I’ve been seeing my T for a few months and still get nervous, felt like I was going out of my mind waiting for the first Zoom call with her haha, so it’s totally understandable that you felt like that.

[SlumberKitty]

Appointment with new T went well. He says he agrees with current T that I am doing well, however, he can see the value of having a crisis reduction plan so I'm not suffering so much when I am in crisis. He is CBT oriented which is not my favorite orientation of therapy, but I think I may try him for a few months and then I can always go back with regular T, try someone else, or quit. I just need to cancel my appointment with regular T this coming Saturday, as I don't know that my insurance will pay both plus it will be nice to have a Saturday off with nothing to do. Dr. K does Doxy.me which was easy to use. At first it was weird but I got used to it pretty quickly. He said with my diagnosis the medication is going to do most of the heavy lifting. He asked me if I was on medication which annoyed me because it was in the packet of paperwork I filled out, but it doesn't mean he didn't read it, maybe he just forgot. He also said CBT isn't the best modality for my diagnosis but we'll see if we can't get something worked out for when I am in crisis and to keep me out of the hospital. His voice was very soothing which I appreciated. He also looked nothing like his psychology today profile. Ha. Must have been an old picture or something. I'm still not entirely sure how to say his name, so Dr. K. it is. I have an appointment in two weeks. The only bad thing is that it is in working hours so I have to take sick leave to go to see him. Thanks everyone for the support and well wishes. HUGS Kit

[*Beth*]

Thanks for the update, Kit. Sounds like overall, your appointment went well. What is your diagnosis?

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thanks for the update, Kit. Sounds like overall, your appointment went well. What is your diagnosis?

My diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder depressed type, general anxiety disorder, and ADHD inattentive type. I was also at one point diagnosed with Aspergers but that is no longer in the dignosing manual except for under Autism Spectrum disorder. My pdoc doesn't have it listed under my current dx's. So I'm not sure if it still applies to me or not.

[LonesomeTonight]

Also glad it went well. CBT can be used for Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I have), so maybe it could at least be used to help with that aspect? No idea on schizoaffective disorder--do you know what type of therapy is generally used for that? Maybe you could work with him for a bit, then try to find a T who works more with that disorder or with ADHD.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Also glad it went well. CBT can be used for Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I have), so maybe it could at least be used to help with that aspect? No idea on schizoaffective disorder--do you know what type of therapy is generally used for that? Maybe you could work with him for a bit, then try to find a T who works more with that disorder or with ADHD.

Thanks, LT. From what I gather, the frontline treatment for Schizoaffective disorder is medication, not therapy. The medication either works or it doesn't work. Mine mostly works but I have "breakthroughs" into psychosis where the medication doesn't work. Usually it then gets adjusted. But since there is a depressive aspect to Schizoaffective disorder some of my past T's have treated that. Like Former T. (Oh how I wish she would take me back!) The schizoaffective is what cripples my life the most so I imagine that is what I most need treatment for.

[Taylor27]

I am so glad to hear the appointment with the new therapist went well. I really. cbt can be useful for anxiety hopefully he has other ways of helping you. My therapist does allot of cbt, and trauma therapies. Hugs

[Breaking Dawn]

I am also so glad, Kit, that things went pretty well for this first appointment. And the soothing voice is a plus, I think, when we're feeling anxious. Harsh voices can feel intimidating to many of us. I look forward to hearing how you feel after your next therapy session.

This sounds like a bit of a mixed bag to me. Are you happy to continue with him or are you settling for something which falls short of your needs? Really check out with yourself what you want. I know from my own experience that psychosis requires real skill and care from a therapist.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

This sounds like a bit of a mixed bag to me. Are you happy to continue with him or are you settling for something which falls short of your needs? Really check out with yourself what you want. I know from my own experience that psychosis requires real skill and care from a therapist.

Thanks @comrademoomoo I was a little disappointed in that he is very "stuck" on CBT when his psychology today website listed at least two other modalities. That said, I live in an area that is impoverished for T's, moreso for T's who bother to take insurance. But I think one session isn't enough to know whether or not he will be helpful long term so I think I'll give him a go. I can always go back to current T (have to give her another name soon....ExT I guess) if it doesn't work out with Dr. K. She said I can come and go as I please and I am always welcome back.

[*Beth*]

My diagnosis isn't all that far from yours. My T works with CBT and when she started using it I was so disappointed, I almost quit. I felt hopeless when she began with the CBT exercises, but I decided I'd do them, anyway. Turns out I'm finding it helpful, especially for my very worst symptom (imo)- anxiety.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Thanks @comrademoomoo I was a little disappointed in that he is very "stuck" on CBT when his psychology today website listed at least two other modalities. That said, I live in an area that is impoverished for T's, moreso for T's who bother to take insurance. But I think one session isn't enough to know whether or not he will be helpful long term so I think I'll give him a go. I can always go back to current T (have to give her another name soon....ExT I guess) if it doesn't work out with Dr. K. She said I can come and go as I please and I am always welcome back.

I totally understand your dislike of CBT. For me it seems invalidating and like my therapist is saying everything I do or how I handle things is wrong... it makes me feel stupid sometimes. While I trust her enough to know, intellectually, that is not at all what she thinks or is implying, it often triggers those feelings from childhood.

[ArtleyWilkins]

My therapist used a mix of approaches, and he definitely had a behavioral bent at times. It took a long time to internalize those behavioral skills like CBT, but they really helped me with anxiety and depression (particularly the impulsive behaviors I was prone to during severe anxiety and depression).

CBT skills are sometimes the only thing that gets me through those moments of severe anxiety, that feeling of being overwhelmed by whatever is going on. It helped me to frame those skills as a means toward personal autonomy and control - it took a while for me to understand that. By having a means to make choices about how I am perceiving and responding to what is going on, I am able to advocate for myself, make choices for myself, and feel some sense of personal control in times when my emotions would like to be totally out of control. CBT skills have gotten me through many a crisis since I left therapy - they are perhaps the part of therapy I refer to most frequently now because they can be applied to so many daily situations.

I know some people think they are stupid or obvious or fake or something like that, but in my case, they were skills that weren't obvious to me. I didn't naturally know how to calm my thinking so that I didn't go into an anxiety attack or impulsively try to hurt myself to make those emotions stop. CBT skills (and other behavioral skills) can be really helpful for those of us who really do need to directly learn those skills that may seem to natural or obvious to other people.

Give it some time and see if the approach has some merit for you. I've never seen a therapist that was purely behavioral (and I doubt that would work for me), but hopefully this new therapist will also incorporate other modalities and this could be helpful for you. Best wishes.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I totally understand your dislike of CBT. For me it seems invalidating and like my therapist is saying everything I do or how I handle things is wrong... it makes me feel stupid sometimes. While I trust her enough to know, intellectually, that is not at all what she thinks or is implying, it often triggers those feelings from childhood.

This is why I like DBT waaaay better than CBT. DBT gets at some of the same things as CBT but in a way that is much more validating. I can actually get on board with following the philosophy without feeling angry and belittled.