Afraid to go to therapy

I have never been to therapy before and I know nothing about it... but still I feel I need to go.

Basically I have reached a point in my life where I have no friend or family and I need to bounce my life off an independent observer who can tell me if I am on a disturbed path or if I am normal and this is just a blip.

But I can't bring myself to pick the phone up and make an appointment.

Any suggestions?

Some therapists offer a free 15-minute consultation (usually by phone, maybe video chat or in person). Do you think maybe that would help, so you could get a feel for the therapist before making an actual appointment? If you search for therapists on the Psychology Today website, they'll usually mention if they offer a consult. Even if they don't officially offer one, you could likely talk to them on the phone for a few minutes to ask more about them.

Also, if picking up the phone is the issue, you can generally email the therapists via Psychology Today or their own website, so maybe that would feel easier? You could just ask if they're taking new clients and include this "Basically I have reached a point in my life where I have no friend or family and I need to bounce my life off an independent observer who can tell me if I am on a disturbed path or if I am normal and this is just a blip."

The first step is always the hardest.

Before contacting them, I would also research people's profiles carefully and be sure to know what questions to ask, what your expectations or goals are, how they work etc.

What is it you're afraid of, exactly? What do you think therapy would be like?

I think therapy takes courage, at least committing to serious self exploration and reflection takes courage. It's exposing and hurtful to be at your most vulnerable with another person. It is hard work.

Consider the kind of person you want to work with. Do their characteristics matter to you? For example, do you want to work with a woman or man? What about their age? Also read up about different therapy modalities. There is a huge difference between cognitive based therapies such as CBT and humanistic therapies such as Gestalt.

Do you have a good sense of your gut instinct? If so, trust it and if someone doesn't feel comfortable don't feel cornered into continuing with them.

Good luck!

Thank you, I did send the email. Honestly, I just want someone who is going to listen to me and offer some feedback. I don't know what is wrong with me, if anything, but I want to present my current problems to someone so they can get me what they think.

I am afraid of
- not contacting the right person about the right thing.
- Truly being open and vulnerable.
- Not sure what therapy is like
- having the therapist judge me.
- not getting anything out of it but a waste of my time.

These seems like realistic fears -- not reasons not to try it but reasons to be careful.

I went to therapy off and on for over 50 years. How could one be so stupid? I think I know a little bit about why now, but I didn't then. And the pain and damage of failed therapies is real. So paying attention to your fears seems to me like a good idea!

It very hard when your life isn't working to know what the problem is or who to contact. And being truly open and vulnerable is -- frankly -- NOT always a good idea.

It sounds like you have a good idea of what you would like more of in your life -- friends and family -- community in general? I think that would be a better focus to ask a potential therapist about than whether or not you are on a disturbed path. Despite the hype, my experience was that therapists are NOT that independent or impartial. Still, having somebody to bounce ideas off of could be a big help. Or not. But the first appointment isn't a big risk.

And if it doesn't seem like the first one - or two or three or four -- is the right one and you don't talk about the right things or there is a hint they might be judgmental -- try another? It may be a waste of time and money, but you can carefully consider the risk in each case and not waste YEARS hopefully. Unless, on the other hand, you do find someone who is worth that.

Well contacted her on Tuesday and got a response today that she isn't accepting new patients. Grrr.

I'm sorry... I know with the pandemic, at least in my area, therapists are pretty booked. So you may need to try a few. Did you send her an email? Asking, because if so, then you could copy/paste and send it to a few others? I've found it's best to contact a few at a time.

That's frustrating and (unfortunately) not uncommon. Sometimes it helps to reply and ask if that therapist knows anybody who is taking new clients. I also agree with LT that it can be helpful to contact a few therapists at once. Keep trying and maybe eventually you will find somebody who you feel like you can work with.

That's a good idea, to ask if they know anyone. My T is currently book and said that he gives a few other names to anyone who contacts him (though he said many therapists won't do that, but worth a try!)

Yes I sent her an e-mail. I will ask her if she knows anyone else. But honestly not expecting much as her e-mail was kind of terse and I am guessing if she had someone she would have suggested it.

Why is everything so hard lately? I am without my regular doctor because she moved to another state and thinks it is ok to care for me from another state with video and the ER... and there are no other primary care doctors taking patients in her practice.

Yet my job is open full hours and then some.

Hi again, Natalie, and I'm sorry to see that your first choice didn't work out. Not sure if you've tried already but it might be worth looking at the Psychology Today listings for therapists in your area and, as others said, contacting several who seem like they work with people like you, and like you could build a good rapport with them.

Looking at your answer to my earlier question:
These are all reasonable things to worry about, especially if you've never been to therapy before. I would answer that
- most therapists deal with multiple issues, and anxiety/depression/loneliness (from your post I'm guessing this may be part of your situation) are unfortunately fairly common ones. This is another thing that looking at the person's profile or website might help with, their descriptions of their work can help you determine if they work with people with problems like yours.
- It is really hard to be open and vulnerable. It may take a long time before you're able to do that.
- What therapy is like will vary so it's hard to answer this. For me it's like having a very honest conversation with someone who is on my side.
- In theory a therapist should reserve judgment and focus on helping you. If they don't, they're doing a bad job. Also remember your opinion of yourself is far more important than anyone else's.
- I'd say that if nothing else, you would know you tried this way of changing your situation even if it didn't work for you.

I hope you can find someone to meet with who can help you! Therapy has helped me a lot. But it isn't a great fit for everyone and a lot of that does depend on finding the right person. While you're searching for someone, it might help to look into mindfulness/meditation type stuff you can do on your own. Even if it seems a little cheesy at times it can be helpful.

I encourage you to try it.Therapy has been the best thing I ever did for myself. I am so much healthier and happier than I ever have been.

I’d try to call like a psychological or therapy clinic type of thing where they have several therapists.

When I was looking for t I called a clinic and said I think I like to see a t. They asked me what type of issues I might want to look at and what kind of t I’d like. I described a bit and they said so and so sounds like a fit and scheduled an appt. it worked out, otherwise I’d keep looking.

Therapy is something you could try but not obligated to continue if it’s not working or a bad fit.

I have to say things aren't going well. I contacted 4 other therapists on Thursday and I haven't received one response. IMHO that is unacceptable. I am only given 24 hours to respond to things at my work.

I hope you hear back from one soon. It's not unusual for them to take a few days to reply to a potential new client, in my experience. It's also possible one or more were off work, so they haven't seen the email yet.

Yeah we also have 24 hours but it’s a little different with therapists because they don’t necessarily work every day 8 or how many hours or they might be on vacation or out of town and 24 days do not apply here. Give it few days.

Therapists make their own rules and then each individual makes up more of their own. They tend to think they are super special. There are things that one can do that are not therapy - qi gong, meditation, reiki, etc - all of which I found more useful and less harmful than I found therapy to be.