[AncientMelody]

So. This isn’t technically psychotherapy — but I’ve seen my primary care doctor for ten years so she knows me pretty well by now and has seen me through a lot of stuff. Honestly as a family practice PA, a lot of primary care involves an element of therapy in one way or other. Anyway I am posting here because I think va lot of good advice is given on this forum versus others on here that are not well trafficked.

Anyway- my point. So I kind of hold my doctor on a pedestal. I’ve done this with various authority figures in my life (other females with only one exemption) I wouldn’t say obsessive. But I would say I can get quite fixated thinking about her when life is stressful. There’s definitely an emotional component to office visits , particularly because there is almost a mentoring aspect as well as the doctor patient relationship . She’s about 20 years older than me and she’s experienced the stresses of juggling medical practice and motherhood etc.

I don’t know if my attachment is obvious or not. If my health is good, I only see her once a year but we text periodically. Whenever I text I’m anxious in awaiting a response. I always worry that I’m going to annoy her with my needs even though she’s been very kind and helpful to me.

So: I’ll be seeing her in July for my physical. (I have happened to be seeing her more frequently than usual this year due to a handful of medical issues)

I want to discuss with her my toxic relationship with my sister. To be frank, there has been a long history of my sister being emotionally abusive to me; my mother and sadly now her son.

There are two reasons I think for wanting to share with her.
1. If she does notice that I seek her emotional support / have a strong attachment to her, I think knowing this information would go a long way towards her understanding that aspect of me. It’s weird that I suppose I must be a fairly capable woman : I have a loyal patient base of my own, my kids and husband are happy and healthy . Yet I still sometimes feel when under duress like an indecisive little kid. In general I think these things are good for a family DIC to know.

2. The emotional stress of my relationship with my sister has intensified lately. She lives with my parents and my heart breaks to see that she’s playing the same mind games with her son that she did with me. I know how he feels because I lived it. There have not been big cases of physical abuse, but she did push him hard off the bed once and my mom has essentially said they will never ask her to move out because they are afraid that element might escalate . It’s sad to say, but she is a better aunt to my kids than she is a mom to her own son. I recognize that’s not my fault but still feel bad about that. Not having a relationship with her is not an option due to the living arrangement and because it’s important to have my nephew in mine and my kids lives. A lot of old wounds for me have really opened back up

So, any advice on how to open this conversation? It’s hard for me to acknowledge that it was abuse because it was 1. My sibling not parent, and because it (mostly) was not physical. Just not sure how to discuss it with her

(I know one suggestion might be therapy— I’ve actually had a couple years of therapy previously and we did discuss it) but again, this is about getting this part of my psychological history out to this specific person

[ScarletPimpernel]

My situation is very similar to yours. I, too, have an attachment to my primary doctor. Definitely not as intense as I do with L, but an attachment nevertheless. I see my PCP at least every 6 weeks. Not because I need to, but for support. I really only need to see her every 3 months for my diabetes. She knows about my mental health issues mostly because she has access to my Pdoc's files (they are part of the same clinic). It's good for her to know about my mental health because it does affect my physical health: the meds I take, self care, etc.

My abuse growing up was not physical or sexual. It was emotional neglect. It can be worse than the other two because you can't prove or show emotional abuse. But regardless, abuse is abuse.

Possible trigger:

My sister has 3 kids (ages 1, 2, 3). The 3 year old can do no wrong. She is clearly my sister's favorite. The 1 year old can do no wrong because she's her father's first baby. But the 2 year old is left out, ignored. She is disciplined more than the other two. For example: on Monday we were all at the pool. Towards the end, after about 2 hours, the middle niece was grumpy and tired. It irritated my sister, so she threw her into the pool. Thankfully, my niece was laughing, but everyone else saw what was really happening. Now when my sister was changing the oldest, the oldest decided to pee on the cement right outside the pool. My sister was laughing and didn't discipline her.

Maybe just tell her you'd like to discuss things that are bothering you because you feel like she's a trusted person in your life.

Thank you for posting on my thread too!

[TishaBuv]

I don’t have an emotional attachment to my primary doctor, although I like him and have seen him for several years. I have confided in him regarding the relationship issues and how they affect me (severely emotional). I confided this information with every medical doctor in addition to psychology doctors because I am desperate for a helpful solution. My primary doctor was very helpful in prescribing me a medication that actually worked that none of the psychology doctors ever did! Plus, he also does ask questions during my check ups about my personal life as part of his thorough exam.

In addition, in your experience, you also want to share this with your doctor because you feel a personal connection to her. You may want to tell her you feel she is important to you and sharing about this is more than just medical, it’s also moral support. (You don’t have to sound like you are overly emotional about her.). It’s nice to feel care on a personal level.

I think with me, I keep all the doctors on a strictly professional level. Even with therapists, I do not think of them in any way that would cause transference. Maybe I am unlike others who do feel a deeper connection or maybe this is self protection from possible rejection or fear.