Couch 228--The Wellness Couch

Long threads get closed at 1000 posts or so.

Source: former moderator.

And the last Couch was 100 pages for me @ 10 posts/page.

Morning couch. Hugs and sparkly healing energy to those who want!


We got through a lot of paperwork yesterday - like a huge amount. I literally was saving things like stubs from gas and electric bills that were paid in 2010.

I did go swim laps for an hour though, then sat in the spa for about 10 minutes. I have been sleeping really well since I've been swimming every day. See L today at 1pm. Right now I'm air frying bacon for breakfast...

Hope your session goes well and well done on the clear out.

Also congrats on the swimming artie bean!

I'm curious why the post limit? Not questioning it, and not expecting you to know why, just wondering if there's some technical thing behind it.

Doughnut Friday at work today. I was trying to abstain because of Noom but my boss brought me my favorite kind to my desk so I just inhaled it. Lol

Less than 2 hours until my doctor's appointment. Pocket riders requested.

I'll ride along, Kit (but will just stay in the waiting room, as you'd prefer). I hope it goes OK.

Interesting--I didn't know we each chose our post counts per page. Apparently mine is 20 per page.

Thanks LT!

We're with you in spirit, Kit! You got this!

Thanks NP_Complete. I am determined to complete the exam this time. I don't want to go through this again for another three years.

Lavender Jane Loves Women - Alix Dobkin has died.

Today, Dr. T, in talking about parenting then equating it to therapy, was saying how you need to have both a velvet glove and an iron fist. With parenting, the velvet glove is unconditional love and support, more like unconditional positive regard in therapy. With the iron fist, for parenting, having to also teach kids that their actions have consequences. We were talking about it in the sense of how I want him to support my reducing drinking. Where he said in general, his approach to me has been more the velvet glove, because of how I react at times to negative comments/criticisms (not just about the drinking, but anything).


I said I feel like I need something in between. Me: "Could you maybe put the velvet glove over the iron first?" Dr. T: "Well, that would make it a velvet fist, so would defeat the purpose." Me: "A metal softer than iron, maybe?" He asked if I felt like I was capable of having a secure enough base with him to do the more iron-fist part. I said I definitely felt closer to that now than I did even a year ago. He seemed to agree. I said I wanted to think more over the weekend about how I might want him to support me, as it's not fair to ask him to strike some perfect balance. He said he'd do his best to follow whatever I suggested.

Adding on to my previous comment--I know it really ultimately down to what I ask of and expect from myself. But I'm also incredibly hard on myself. And tend to not have enough faith in myself to accomplish difficult things. Which can lead me to not try as hard as I could (with other things in life, too). So having an outside person who can help with both the having faith (which he said he did) and the pushing, I think could help me. Even though it all comes down to me in the end.

20 is the new default. It used to be ten. Unlike una, I like a short page.

I assume a thread with 1000 posts gets unwieldy and hard to follow or load.

Must be down to loading times, as multiple threads over 1000 posts would likely slow things down quite a bit.


Not that I know much about this kind of thing.

I don't have experience with substance abuse, but I do have experience with using maladaptive coping mechanisms, which I think is maybe how you've said you tend to use alcohol. I don't know if it's a willpower thing as much as a need to find other ways of coping to where you don't really feel the need to drink as much. (Obviously there could also be physiological aspects of withdrawal, which would be a different thing.)

I would just be concerned if the pressure to "not let Dr. T down" would be more of a stressor and source of shame, which could make you want to drink more. I think it could be more helpful for you to find ways to get more skills or strategies to help yourself in the moment when you run into triggers that make you want to drink, since you'll be the one there to help yourself in the moment.

Back from my appointment. I survived. I didn't have a panic attack. I did have two Xanax and per Comrademoomoo's suggestion, a comfort item, my blanket. My doctor was sympathetic to the fact that I was FREAKED OUT!


trigger warning for women's health procedures

I did get to keep my shirt on, yeah! Which means I didn't have old SH scars showing. Nothing new anyway because it's been almost 16 months since I've engaged in any SH but I don't like showing my scars if I am in a vulnerable position. It didn't hurt as much as last time (it was a different doctor last time and she looked freaked out that I was freaked out. This doctor who I've had for a while was like, you're going to be okay. It's not that bad. I'm not going to hurt you. Etc. She kept saying that kind of thing when we were in the room together. She has a new male nurse and I was scared she was going to have him come in and that was going to be a deal breaker but she did it herself. So I was like THANK YOU GOD.

So I'm not sure I had the exam or not. I guess I'll find out if I ever get results back. Not sure. But I went there and was sticking it out through the whole thing and doing my breathing and staring at the light so I could dissociate and holding onto my blanket for dear life.


Thanks everyone for your suggestions and support. And for LT and NP Complete accompanying me to the waiting room in my pocket!


To add insult to injury though she gave me a paper to go get a mammogram done. But I'm less freaked out about those. She said my BP was a little high. You think? But it shouldn't have been with the Xanax so she is increasing my blood pressure medication. By 10 mg. I'm overweight and everyone in my family has blood pressure problems so yeah, not surprised. Usually I am eerily calm when I go to her office so my blood pressure is low and I have to convince her that it is high because when I take it at home it is high and other places like blood banks and stuff have told me it was high.


Other than that, I go back in November unless I get sick. She was glad I got the Covid shots.

I'm proud of you for getting it done Kit even though you were scared.

The last bit is a proven thing called "white coat syndrome".