advertisement
Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,753 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 12:53 PM
  #461
Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete View Post
I opened a pouch of that barilla pasta the other day and it was black. It looked like someone had sliced too far into the cardboard box they came in at the grocery store and cut right through the pouch. Thankfully it didn't smell, but it was quite off putting. I'll have to look a little closer next time I buy some.
Oh thats not good! Im so sorry to hear that. I want to refund your money!

I get mine by the box from amazon. My kitchen has never been this messy This stuff is a lifesaver.
unaluna is online now  

advertisement
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 12:54 PM
  #462
QM, the thought of tapioca pearls horrifies me, whether in tea or in actual tapioca pudding. It's a textural thing for me. I used to enjoy iced chai tea lattes from Starbucks, so I get the idea of the early grey latte! Well, now I want an iced chai tea latte...
LonesomeTonight is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,753 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 12:56 PM
  #463
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
A problem results when not everyone agrees on what constitutes being nice etc and un-named expectations are often not usual. I did X expecting Y when the other person has no idea/expects A and B.
A solution results when somebody offers someone else a hot beverage.

We're doing Sheldon quotes, right?

Eta - sorry, im being an idiot. My head is foggy these days.

Last edited by unaluna; Jun 04, 2021 at 04:22 PM..
unaluna is online now  
 
Thanks for this!
atisketatasket
chihirochild
Magnate
 
chihirochild's Avatar
chihirochild is trying
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
5 yr Member
4,865 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 01:01 PM
  #464
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
A problem results when not everyone agrees on what constitutes being nice etc and un-named expectations are often not usual. I did X expecting Y when the other person has no idea/expects A and B.
I think you’re correct here, SD.

I wonder how I can adjust my expectations and behaviour to avoid this kind of experience in the future. Maybe I should do less “being friendly and nice” and then expecting that in return? Bc then I am super annoyed when people aren’t that way.

I’m not saying I ought to be a jerk, just that I maybe shouldn’t go out of my way to be nice.
chihirochild is offline  
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,753 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 01:01 PM
  #465
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
QM, the thought of tapioca pearls horrifies me, whether in tea or in actual tapioca pudding. It's a textural thing for me. I used to enjoy iced chai tea lattes from Starbucks, so I get the idea of the early grey latte! Well, now I want an iced chai tea latte...
Then how do you do chia? Those pudding pictures, which are ALL OVER the internet, with NOOOOO warning!!!!
unaluna is online now  
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,753 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 01:07 PM
  #466
Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild View Post
I’m not saying I ought to be a jerk, just that I maybe shouldn’t go out of my way to be nice.
I wonder if that particular person had someone else in their ear a lot (as Scarlet said), and this third person saw an opportunity to manipulate you the way they manipulate the new roommate.

That doesnt excuse the behavior, but it may explain why it came in from left field? Cuz she sounds indecisive from what you said in the later posts. I would almost say wishy-washy.
unaluna is online now  
stopdog
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,704 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
1 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 01:17 PM
  #467
Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild View Post
I think you’re correct here, SD.

I wonder how I can adjust my expectations and behaviour to avoid this kind of experience in the future. Maybe I should do less “being friendly and nice” and then expecting that in return? Bc then I am super annoyed when people aren’t that way.

I’m not saying I ought to be a jerk, just that I maybe shouldn’t go out of my way to be nice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I wonder if that particular person had someone else in their ear a lot (as Scarlet said), and this third person saw an opportunity to manipulate you the way they manipulate the new roommate.

That doesnt excuse the behavior, but it may explain why it came in from left field? Cuz she sounds indecisive from what you said in the later posts. I would almost say wishy-washy.
I dealt with this sort of thing in divorces (and other areas -divorce was just a clear example of it) - each person starts off being "nice" with the expectation that their definition of "nice" is going to compel the other person to be the same definition of "nice" = it never worked. Everyone got more upset because each believed the other was taking advantage and emotional baggage came into play and I would have to tell clients that it would be cheaper to pay a therapist to listen to how spouse done them wrong than it was to tell me. I don't think this woman is being a jerk nor that it was third party pressure to manipulate etc (really most people don't go to that much effort really) nor that Chiro is being a jerk - I think it is mismanaged expectations. If you are only being nice because you are expecting X in return - it often fails from what I have seen (and results in a lot of litigation). Clear boundaries and reasonable expectations can help, I think. I find that people are often more self focused and just not thinking that much about the other person rather than intentionally trying to screw you over. A clear boundary without excessive emotion helps, in my opinion.

__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
stopdog is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, unaluna
chihirochild
Magnate
 
chihirochild's Avatar
chihirochild is trying
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
5 yr Member
4,865 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 01:30 PM
  #468
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I wonder if that particular person had someone else in their ear a lot (as Scarlet said), and this third person saw an opportunity to manipulate you the way they manipulate the new roommate.

That doesnt excuse the behavior, but it may explain why it came in from left field? Cuz she sounds indecisive from what you said in the later posts. I would almost say wishy-washy.
Entirely possible.

And/or she’s in her early 20s; maybe she agreed to the terms I set out and then her parents were like, “that’s not fair, you shouldn’t have agreed to that” and she was trying to save face or retroactively take their advice.
chihirochild is offline  
 
Hugs from:
unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2, unaluna
stopdog
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,704 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
1 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 01:31 PM
  #469
I really think it is possible to spend too much energy trying to understand why this stranger is doing something. Set your boundaries and go on with your life. Plus there is a philosophy of it doesn't hurt to ask. Why are you taking her asking so personally?

__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
stopdog is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
atisketatasket, unaluna
stopdog
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,704 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
1 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 01:32 PM
  #470
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Then how do you do chia? Those pudding pictures, which are ALL OVER the internet, with NOOOOO warning!!!!
Chia seeds are tiny compared to boba. I ate some chia oat pudding for breakfast. I like tapioca too

__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Last edited by stopdog; Jun 04, 2021 at 02:32 PM..
stopdog is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2, unaluna
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 02:05 PM
  #471
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Then how do you do chia? Those pudding pictures, which are ALL OVER the internet, with NOOOOO warning!!!!

I'm horrified by that as well!
LonesomeTonight is offline  
 
Hugs from:
unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2, unaluna
atisketatasket
Child of a lesser god
 
atisketatasket's Avatar
atisketatasket I may be @@, but please dont @ me.
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,137 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
12.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 02:19 PM
  #472
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
I really think it is possible to spend too much energy trying to understand why this stranger is doing something. Set your boundaries and go on with your life. Plus there is a philosophy of it doesn't hurt to ask. Why are you taking her asking so personally?
I solved this problem (mostly) long ago by deciding 25% of the human race is total **** and another 72.7% is either incapable of logical thought and consistent behavior or isn't paying attention or is lazy or all three. The remaining 2.3% are the people I like.

Extreme, but overall it's lowered my blood pressure.
atisketatasket is offline  
 
Hugs from:
unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, unaluna
stopdog
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,704 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
1 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 02:22 PM
  #473
Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
I solved this problem (mostly) long ago by deciding 25% of the human race is total **** and another 72.7% is either incapable of logical thought and consistent behavior or isn't paying attention. The remaining 2.3% are the people I like.

Extreme, but overall it's lowered my blood pressure.
I don't disagree in general. I do believe most people are just not paying attention to others. God knows my reaction to things is not what people are often expecting - and their reactions baffle the bejeezus out of me as well. But it is rarely intentionally to jerk the others around. I am in my own little world as much as everyone else is.

__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
stopdog is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, unaluna
stopdog
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,704 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
1 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 02:25 PM
  #474
My 80lb blind dog is now freaking out about climbing stairs. It is getting to be a problem because I am old and carrying him up the stairs is getting to be a bit of a challenge. He can still go down them which is good. But he is terrified of any ramp I try (and there have been several) and I am getting worried about leaving him with dog sitters plus he is only 7 so we have a few years of this left. And going out and telling him to just come in already in an exasperated tone is not having the desired effect of spurring on to self - sufficiency

__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
stopdog is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
chihirochild
Magnate
 
chihirochild's Avatar
chihirochild is trying
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
5 yr Member
4,865 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 03:35 PM
  #475
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
I dealt with this sort of thing in divorces (and other areas -divorce was just a clear example of it) - each person starts off being "nice" with the expectation that their definition of "nice" is going to compel the other person to be the same definition of "nice" = it never worked. Everyone got more upset because each believed the other was taking advantage and emotional baggage came into play and I would have to tell clients that it would be cheaper to pay a therapist to listen to how spouse done them wrong than it was to tell me. I don't think this woman is being a jerk nor that it was third party pressure to manipulate etc (really most people don't go to that much effort really) nor that Chiro is being a jerk - I think it is mismanaged expectations. If you are only being nice because you are expecting X in return - it often fails from what I have seen (and results in a lot of litigation). Clear boundaries and reasonable expectations can help, I think. I find that people are often more self focused and just not thinking that much about the other person rather than intentionally trying to screw you over. A clear boundary without excessive emotion helps, in my opinion.
That’s some wisdom right there, SD. I’m going to have to marinate in this one for a bit. Thank you.
chihirochild is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 03:48 PM
  #476
Ugh. Getting my hair done this weekend. Highlighted and cut/styled. That's like 2.5 hours of small talk! I can't do this. Well, I can, I don't want to. But I want to get my hair freshened up so I have to endure it.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 04:06 PM
  #477
Kit, it's like we're on the same schedule for things. Both got mammograms this week, both getting our hair done this week, though mine was just a haircut (and stressful enough on its own!). Hope the salon visit goes well. If you don't want to spend that much time, could you just do the cut/style and not the highlighting?
LonesomeTonight is offline  
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 04:15 PM
  #478
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Kit, it's like we're on the same schedule for things. Both got mammograms this week, both getting our hair done this week, though mine was just a haircut (and stressful enough on its own!). Hope the salon visit goes well. If you don't want to spend that much time, could you just do the cut/style and not the highlighting?
Twinsies!
I would get the hair cut one weekend and then highlight the next but next weekend on Sunday I am volunteering with Compassion International in Temecula CA which is about 2.5 hours away from me one way, so my day will be pretty much taken up. So I want the Saturday to relax. So same is true this weekend. I will do the whole hair thing on Saturday, then just Church on Sunday and get to relax all day Sunday afternoon. Oh and I have a religious class Saturday morning but I am going to make sure I don't have it next week so I can have a full day off. My hair stylist is so excited that I am coming in. I don't know why. She likes me in a platonic way. Unfortunately I have to come up with stuff to talk about. I'm just not that interesting!

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,753 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 04:27 PM
  #479
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
My 80lb blind dog is now freaking out about climbing stairs.
You need a lever.
unaluna is online now  
 
Thanks for this!
atisketatasket
atisketatasket
Child of a lesser god
 
atisketatasket's Avatar
atisketatasket I may be @@, but please dont @ me.
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,137 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
12.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2021 at 05:02 PM
  #480
Info was especially annoying today. She tried to teach me how to have a dialogue between parts. Of course, the first step there is to admit that there are parts...(and yes, I know some of you agree with her that there are, that's fine, I'm not starting an argument here, just venting about my therapy appointment).

She also wanted me to enter a screen name, so I just put in The Client, because she was being especially rote and unimaginative today: "what does that bring up?", "a piece of that may be...", "what would it be like to be...?"

You know, I'm half-seriously considering writing a scene of how rote appointments with her can be, with two characters, The Therapist and The Client, and making her read The Client role in the next session. Maybe she'll even recognize her patterns.

None of this helped with the topic, which was about regretting sending those poems to my writer's group and what to do about that regret.

Also I had to define autonomous for her, like an autonomous car. (She had the parts driving around in a car at one point.)

Fashion report: black sleeveless blouse, lots of ruffles around the neck. Silver double hoop earrings. Couldn't see anything else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
You need a lever.
Or a block and tackle.
atisketatasket is offline  
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:12 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.