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ArtieTheSequal
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Default Jun 17, 2021 at 07:06 PM
  #921
hugs, chihiro and those are really pretty! i love earrings.
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Default Jun 17, 2021 at 07:37 PM
  #922
I steamed broccoli florets in my IP this evening, I have a hard time getting broccoli the level of done-ness that H and I like so thought I'd give it a shot this way. we're both trying to eat healthier again. Put it in my steamer basket with water under it, sprinkled on some seasonings, per instructions I found online set the IP on high pressure for 0 minutes. It came out perfectly. Yay! It seemed weird setting it for 0 minutes but apparently just the getting it up to pressure is enough to steam it.
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Default Jun 17, 2021 at 11:22 PM
  #923
Tonight I am indulging in a will and grace marathon.

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Default Jun 17, 2021 at 11:50 PM
  #924
Seth Meyer just said "...and Jason Sudeikis as the Cicada."
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Default Jun 17, 2021 at 11:52 PM
  #925
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Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
Tonight I am indulging in a will and grace marathon.
Thats fun. I catch them once in a while late at night, and somehow it is always satisfying.

Eta - i am gonna be fully vaccinated like the same day my state opens up. Its like i timed it. But our city is so international, idk how much its gonna change what i do.
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 01:22 AM
  #926
Pretty earrings, chihiro.
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 02:35 AM
  #927
Hi couchies,

Bad news about the friend I live with. Her health issues are worse and she's going into hospital in July. Eventually she's going to need a wheelchair, and monthly immunoglobulin therapy.

She's rehoming her 3 beloved cats because she's not going to be able to care for them until they die. She's got next to no savings, her income doesn't meet her needs, and eventually she'll be unable to work.

Our country's disability security net is a joke - she needs to be unable to perform 3 out of 6 activities of daily life, and even then the payout is little and time limited.

I hope her social worker keeps advocating for her with regards to other forms of public assistance for living expenses, her recurring medical expenses,a suitable wheelchair.

Feel like you're screwed if you don't have family to help, which of course she doesn't have.

Complex trauma is the curse that keeps on giving, seriously.
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 03:30 AM
  #928
Oh man, QM. That's terrible news.

I hope she's able to get some support, however small it might be.

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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 04:19 AM
  #929
I feel so useless. I couldn't have left my abusive family if she had not opened her place to me.

There's nothing much I can do to help. I'm just trying to be available if/when she wants to talk. She doesn't do feelings (I respect that, I don't probe) but she did express frustration about how it's really tiring to always have to be strong because she's no other choice. She's talked a little about the rehoming.

I'll be getting some supermarket vouchers from a friend. It won't solve her long-term needs, and I see why she's rehoming the cats. Even that is difficult despite how she's not taking an adoption fee, as she needs to assess each offer to see if there's a good fit.

Cat groups in our area can be very harsh to people seeking rehoming, they basically interrogate about the "validity" of reasons. Not to be bitter and of course animal welfare is important, but there's so much more care towards the pets compared to the human(s) in need.If the human owner was given help, maybe they'll be able to keep their pets you know?

She hesitated but eventually made the rehoming post because yeah, she'll eventually be fully disabled.

The calico would best being the only cat in the household. Despite having the other 2 around for years, she marks with urine lol. She's 11, and the most intelligent. Tries to sneak into my room and various other games. She's going to get the most offers because she's really pretty.

My favourite of the 3, he's also 11. Black, slow to trust, but incredibly affectionate once he trusted me. He's sleeping on my bed now, snoring and relaxed. Not very smart but can be trained with patience.

The 3rd is a ginger gray tabby. Least adoptable - it's the most unwanted stray breed. She's like 5 years old but has chronic ptsd and/or anxiety. Extremely skittish, doesn't like most humans. Friend is one of the truly rare souls who can carry her in her arms.

I care about my friend's well-being of course. Just trying to let go of my attachment to the cats.

Currently she's tried to apply for some other government schemes for help but got denied. Our social safety network is so patchy and piecemeal. The application processes can be quite insensitive, really. I was asked what exactly gave me PTSD and had to justify why I can't go to my abusive family for help when I needed help with bills for my wisdom teeth stuff.

Last edited by Quietmind 2; Jun 18, 2021 at 08:12 AM..
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 07:05 AM
  #930
That sounds so difficult, QM. Is it possible you could take on the care of the black cat? And will she be keeping her place, like will you be able to continue living there?

And I'm sure she appreciates your just being there and listening.
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 07:07 AM
  #931
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Originally Posted by Quietmind 2 View Post
Hi couchies,

Bad news about the friend I live with. Her health issues are worse and she's going into hospital in July. Eventually she's going to need a wheelchair, and monthly immunoglobulin therapy.

She's rehoming her 3 beloved cats because she's not going to be able to care for them until they die. She's got next to no savings, her income doesn't meet her needs, and eventually she'll be unable to work.

Our country's disability security net is a joke - she needs to be unable to perform 3 out of 6 activities of daily life, and even then the payout is little and time limited.

I hope her social worker keeps advocating for her with regards to other forms of public assistance for living expenses, her recurring medical expenses,a suitable wheelchair.

Feel like you're screwed if you don't have family to help, which of course she doesn't have.

Complex trauma is the curse that keeps on giving, seriously.


I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Does she think it was an adverse reaction to the vaccine she got recently?

Has she been able to update her social worker?

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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 07:10 AM
  #932
C it was so lovely of you to get gifts for everyone. I can imagine how bittersweet everything is.

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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 07:28 AM
  #933
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I love watching Katie Ledecky swim. She’s so far ahead, she’s going one way while the rest of the field is going the other in the previous lap.
Of potential interest, @@
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 07:59 AM
  #934
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That sounds so difficult, QM. Is it possible you could take on the care of the black cat? And will she be keeping her place, like will you be able to continue living there?

And I'm sure she appreciates your just being there and listening.
I can care for the cats when she goes to the hospital for the 1 week stay. I've been their sitter for 3 days in the past.

She'll keep her place, so I can continue to live there, but it's really up in the air until after her tests are reviewed by the neurologist. I know her eventual plan will be to live with her god sister and renting out the whole place as a unit so she has some income to live on. So it depends on her prognosis.

The rental market is also getting expensive, the amount I pay her is on the low end. Also, I can cook and in addition to a higher rent, it's not common for landlords to allow tenants to cook anything. The ability to cook saves me a solid chunk of money. So I'm honestly worried about how I'd afford living expenses if I've no choice but to move out. Especially as covid drags on.

Another reason for now that I'm less depressed, my anxiety is high again, and I'm going to push my partner to be more realistic on me working part-time.

We've had so many (not heated) arguments. I've been wanting to work, I just back down each time because he starts having panic attacks, says he can't handle the stress if I even mention that desire.

So sometime back, I told him since he's the one "refusing" to let me work, then he should help me pay my rent. He said yes several months ago, but never did it.

I mention that fact, he got triggered, says I still have savings, I shouldn't use him for money, that I've more savings than him. He has a house and a car and a solid income. I have nothing except my savings, and about 6 boxes of my belongings. Why should I drain my life savings, while I get anxiety attacks from that, just to ensure he doesn't panic? When even a part time job with decent pay and hours will help me feel less anxious?

I know his mum will see me as a gold digger (she's implied) but I'm not refusing to work. Shouldn't he get professional help? I'm not the one refusing therapy. I work hard in and outside therapy. I'm sick with worry about my functioning even though T says I need to learn to rest and relax and not over compensate with "being useful". I use "beer money" sites, freelance when I can. Pennies per hour when a part time job is at least $7/hour if he'd just be more realistic. Everyone wants a work from home job, I'm sure. Me too. But hell, they either pay badly or are really stressful.

Heck, swab testers are paid more than 2x per hour than my best paid full-time job. Yeah I'm going to push. Sorry for the long rant.

Last edited by Quietmind 2; Jun 18, 2021 at 08:14 AM..
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 08:07 AM
  #935
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I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Does she think it was an adverse reaction to the vaccine she got recently?


Has she been able to update her social worker?
Hnm, not sure if it's a vaccine adverse effect, I did ask but she's unsure. I think she's not yet updated her social worker as she's waiting until she's got clear information. Eg the memo after the tests determine stuff and the necessary treatment.

To give her social worker credit, a few years ago when it became clear her condition(s) were affecting her nerves significantly, he used the memo (from the same neurologist) to do whatever he could to "automatically" renew some financial assistance. He put in extra time and effort to save her some interviews and visits to various agencies.
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 08:12 AM
  #936
QM, i really dont understand what your partner's panic attacks have to do with anything. They are acting like your parents in order to control you? What is their motivation? Support or restraint?
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 08:30 AM
  #937
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QM, i really dont understand what your partner's panic attacks have to do with anything. They are acting like your parents in order to control you? What is their motivation? Support or restraint?
I know right? Quick summary would be supportive in a really misguided way.

I get why my partner is afraid, I was actively self harming, extremely suicidal in my last job, with poor management and some very entitled stakeholders, and I just kept working. So I burned out. Partner is really scared I'll permanently fry my brain.

But it honestly wasn't just the job, it was my parents too, and seeing my perpetrator sibling every day. I couldn't even sound sad or stressed, I had to suppress my feelings. I would get berated for never telling them anything but anything I shared got me criticised etc.

I know my partner is trying to be supportive but yes they're restraining me out of their (perhaps irrational) fear. I'm honestly much better in my current living situation even though yes I'm experiencing huge complex ptsd. And work or help with bills would help me.

Last night or something, I said I got my 1st vaccine jab and we need to schedule a talk soon about me finding work. They apologised to me, saying they'd promised me the money yet had not kept the promise, and that they realise it's unfair to me. We've set a date in the next few days.

I'll hold them to it. I understand I've dysfunctional traits of my own but I hold myself accountable and work on them.
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 09:09 AM
  #938
Today I'm wearing a blanket like a cape, and wishing my brain would slow down.

Possible trigger:

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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 09:53 AM
  #939
Hugs, QM. I hope your roommate gets good news.


Why are tenants not usually allowed to cook? Is it, say, fear of them setting a fire? Cooking smells? I'm just curious.

With your partner, could you make some sort of deal that you can try having a job for x amount of time (3 months, 6 months, something like that), and if it's causing you too much stress, then you'll leave it? It just doesn't seem fair or right that he's restricting your working over fear of how it would affect you. When your living situation is much different now than it was before.
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Default Jun 18, 2021 at 09:54 AM
  #940
Hugs all around to those who want.

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