Couch 228--The Wellness Couch

I had 3 separate dreams about L/therapy last night.

Hugs, Lost

Legally, the easier option to get approval to rent is the landlord staying in the unit.

More difficult option is renting out the whole unit but living elsewhere.

Most landlords live with family in the same unit, so they want the kitchen to just be for the family's use. Instead of having to schedule routines with the tenant(s), so usually they don't allow the tenants to cook. They can boil water in a kettle for instant noodles, nothing else.

If tenants are allowed to cook - my situation, or in most cases, the whole unit being rented out - I'm not exactly sure why the rent tends to be higher. Maybe because neighbours can and do complain about cooking smells, and I think my friend ever mentioned oil splatters over time on the walls...? And if allowed to cook, tenants must be given a fair amount of dedicated kitchen space, fridge space etc that the landlord can't use.

There used to be 3 of us, so I stayed in the living room for a few months in exchange for a lower rent. The other tenant didn't cook but she got her dedicated kitchen spaces. We negotiated a higher rent when she moved, and I took her room. Partly because no one wanted to rent the room with me in the living room!

Oh that's a really good idea on negotiating a job for x amount of time and leaving if it's too stressful. I'll put it on my list so I don't forget!

I know past conflicts have also involved him being afraid I'd stay even in a bad job, but I'm honestly different now and can assure him. I really can't pull the long hours and high stress I used to do. I'd be happy with like 20ish hours a week? (Part time here is up to 35 hours a week.)

Hugs, Lost.

HUGS Lost

Quietmind, you don't have to negotiate anything about your life choices. You need money so you need a job, that's the end of it. What is there to negotiate? Frankly, it's none of your partner's business. However, if you don't want a job and you find it convenient to hide behind your partner's attempt to control your decisions, that's a different matter. I say this without judgement and as someone who hates work and seizes upon the slightest chance to not work. Anyway, whether you do paid work or not, I think the important thing is that you are deciding and you are making the right decisions for you.

Also, if you don't do paid work, you are still working in other ways. Therapy itself is work and it's tiring, although of course these kinds of abstract work commitments are not paid. They should be. I would be a millionaire.

Well, I can now say I've had a session with my therapist in between his going to a funeral and sitting shiva.* (Yeah, I feel a little weird about that.) He was originally going to meet with me this evening (had to cancel due to the funeral this morning, I was struggling due to some stuff from Wednesday's session, plus some stuff going on in life, he offered session), but then texted to say he had a bit of free time this afternoon. He told me at the end that he thought he'd have to meet in the evening due to sitting shiva, but then the schedule worked out that he had some free time in between.

Session was really helpful--he took responsibility for what he said Wednesday about rescheduling other clients (from today), but being unsure about rescheduling me. And he said it apparently set off my "pain in the ***** alarm," where I was worried about being a burden to him. And he said if he'd explained differently then, maybe I wouldn't have been so negatively affected. Which I agreed with. I said how it's like it set off this rejection reaction in me that was difficult to turn off.

I expressed how I felt bad after asking him for a session, that once he offered me one, I felt like I should cancel. He said that it was his choice to offer one. That if he offered it without wanting to and then was upset with me for taking it and expressed that to me, if he were in my place, he'd have said, "You're a grown man. You're 50 years old. You can make your own choices." Which I appreciated.

He also said it had been very inconsistent for me lately, with meeting in person Monday for the first time in 15 months, then the next session was virtual and he told me at the start of that how he'd have to cancel the following session.

It just felt like he got it, what I was experiencing. And it all made me feel better. I'd had this fear this would all turn into a rupture, and that fear is calmed now.

*Jewish custom where for a few days/up to a week after a funeral, friends and relatives take turns sitting with the bereaved at their house to provide support (I'm not Jewish, but H's close friend who died was, so I've become familiar with the tradition, which I think is a nice one).

So glad it went well LT! I'm glad your fear is calmed now. That would be horrible to have that hanging over your head going into the weekend. I'm glad T could meet with you earlier too. HUGS Kit

I wish I could feel relief. I emailed my therapist about stuff between us and he hasn't responded. Ugh. We're supposed to meet in the morning before he goes away for two weeks (we're going to have phone sessions while he's gone, but it's not the same thing). Feeling nervous about it and it would be helpful if he'd just respond with anything.

I'm glad you averted a rupture, LT.

Helen (new cat) is doing better. She is taking her medicine like a champ now and last night she slept on my lap for about 45 minutes while I was in the living room. Introducing her to Amelia didn't go so well. Amelia was scared and wanted out of there. Helen just looked at her and didn't respond. I rewarded Amelia for meeting Helen with food but she's been pretty scarce around the house since she realized she's not the only cat there. She did sniff under Helen's door this morning which I took as a good sign.


Helen just wants to stay in her safe zone in the spare bedroom but I have to work on getting her to find safe zones in other areas of the house, particularly because my sister is coming for my birthday at the end of the month and Helen will need to vacate the room. So I have been trying to help her explore the house. I think it's hard with the Elizabeth collar on. She bumps into stuff and then backs up awkwardly and then starts again. Unfortunately, the Elizabeth collar can't come off until the 24th so she still has a ways.


This weekend I plan to work on Helen getting out of the room more, since I won't be at work. I plan to make that my number 1 priority. And she didn't make as big of a mess with her litter last night. She still managed to get a fair bit out of the box but it wasn't as huge of a pile as it was the past two days. So she's coming along. The nap on my lap was the best last night! Rarely would Esther sit with me on my lap like that. And Amelia has done so infrequently, usually in the morning when no one else is up. But for Helen to do so when Mom and Dad and Emma were in the room too was pure gold.

On the plane to the other coast.

BF got off work early and fed me lunch and took me to the airport. It was super sad.

Last night he was trying so hard not to cry. Today I was trying so hard not to cry.

This sucks.

HUGS @chihirochild

At least I have WiFi on the flight — good enough to watch Netflix. And apparently my new phone does this thing where I can watch Netflix in the corner while texting or posting here or whatnot, which is nice.

Thanks, Kit.

And glad Helen is doing better!

Hugs, Chihiro, that sounds so difficult... do you have any plans for when you can travel to see him or vice versa?

Hugs, NP. I hope the meeting tomorrow goes well. I'm glad you can still have phone sessions while he's gone.

And thanks.

Hugs Lost, Kit, QM, Chihiro, LT, NP and whoever else wants.

Had a pretty deep session with L today. I brought 5 dreams with me and I had already worked with all of them including drawings for a couple of 'em so we dove in. It's funny how she can tell immediately that I've been swimming recently - she said my energy is different (this is true, I feel it too). I took a lot of notes today, even though I'd already worked the dreams, discussing my work with them then going deeper into that with her I got even more good stuff out of 'em. Next session in 2 weeks.

H had a job up to Phoenix earlier today, it was 117 degrees (F) up there! Zoiks! It's "only" 110 down here.

Speaking of hot, i just ate kimchi for the first time. I got small cans from amazon and had the cabbage over rice. Sooooo yummy!