[LostOnTheTrail]

Hi, all.

I hope you are doing as well as possible in these weird times. I've lately realised that I feel quite protective over my relationship with my therapist.

Although I am quite open about my life in general, I don't discuss my therapy experience or the reasons that I am in therapy widely.

I wondered whether this sense of guarding that relationship above all others was something out of the ordinary or not.

I would be interested in your experiences.

Thanks,

Lost

[zoiecat]

Not quite sure what you mean by the relationship. I am not attched to my T at all and I openly talk to all of my friends about my therapy and my feelings regarding my T when he frustrates me or provides useful insight.

[LostOnTheTrail]

By 'relationship', I mean the way you work together, the things you speak about.

[Lostislost]

I'm protective about some things we talk about Or do in therapy, I would never tell anyone those things. But for other things I will talk about them freely with people, if they want to listen or if I think it makes interesting conversation.

I totally get why you wouldn't want to share everything though. Something about the vessel being contained for it to all work.

[ScarletPimpernel]

There are certain aspects that are almost sacred? in my relationship with L. I cherish them so much. They are mine, and I don't want to share with anyone: not my family or here.

There are other things that I will share. I actually share mostly general topics that we talk about, but even then, some things I keep to myself.

None of this is because I'm ashamed. I openly admit I have a T. I just want to keep special things as my own.

I think this is a healthy approach to privacy and I imagine is quite common.

[RoxanneToto]

I wouldn’t say I’m protective as such - I’ve probably shared a bit too much in the past in other areas of life, actually, but when it comes to counselling, I prefer to maintain a more appropriate level of privacy. The only person, if anyone, I’d really share with is my sister in law - she’s discreet (I’m having my sessions in secret), has had counselling herself and knows about most of the issues I’m talking about already.

[Echos Myron redux]

Yes. There are some things I wouldn't talk about to most people because I am afraid people would criticise him. I don't want him to be criticised because I care about him and because I know he means well and that the work is effective and useful for me, even if others wouldn't be able to see it.

[MobiusPsyche]

Yes. Some of my friends know I'm in therapy, but they don't know what we talk about or anything about the strength of the connection. I think one time I did mention "I talked about it with my therapist" because my friend seemed to think I was making a big decision without much thought. That put her mind at ease. But other than that, I don't share the contents of the relationship with anyone except occasionally (not recently) here on the forums.

Even though all of my friends are in professional mental health and would understand...I don't think they would, really. They live in a world of limited resources and 6 to 12 sessions per client, or getting seen once every 3 months. Especially early on, when I was going twice a week, they would not have understood that at all and would have believed it to be pathological. So I keep it to myself.

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[Merope]

My mum once made a comment that she saw no improvement “in your personality since you’ve been with this doctor” and I saw red. I shut the topic down immediately, it’s too sacred to talk about.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I can relate to that, Merope. The strangest thing for me is that so much of what happens in the therapeutic relationship is shared only between therapist and client.

There have been times when I have opened up in an appointment, and then the next one feels so far away, knowing that the only person who could possibly understand what happened was the T.

[*Beth*]

I talk with my husband a very little bit about therapy, but I don't discuss it with anyone else. In the distant past when I did mention therapy people seemed disinterested (or envious?). So I dropped the subject.

[daisydid]

Based on what you’re describing, I wouldn’t say that I am. I’ll talk about pretty much everything that happens in session. I don’t necessarily enjoy this but it’s part of the way I process.

[ArtleyWilkins]

No. I'm not quite sure about what you mean by being protective of the relationship.

Did I discuss my therapy with other people? Rarely, not out of protecting the relationship, but because it just wasn't something I would discuss with other people. I don't think of that as being protective though, just private.

[RoxanneToto]

Originally Posted by Merope

My mum once made a comment that she saw no improvement “in your personality since you’ve been with this doctor” and I saw red. I shut the topic down immediately, it’s too sacred to talk about.

I still live with my mum and didn’t tell her for similar reasons that I’d started counselling (again). I’d mentioned I wanted to go after I broke up with my last boyfriend (5 years ago) and she totally shamed me, saying that “if I felt bad it was my own fault and I was just wallowing in self pity”. In reality I was relieved about the break up, I just couldn’t continue ignoring the unhealthy patterns I had noticed/experienced in my romantic relationships. I didn’t explain to her that was why I wanted to go, because she wouldn’t understand. Plus, my dad’s behaviour was at the root of some of my issues - hers, too, but she won’t see anyone. I can imagine her being apoplectic if she knew how much I’d told T about him

[Mountaindewed]

My mom knows I see a therapist and I don’t know who she tells but I’m not open about it because I find it to be no ones business. Also people who talk a lot about their mental health problems or any problems for that matter, start to sound like attention seekers after awhile. Whether that’s their intention or not. So yeah I’m a very protective and private person regarding therapy. At least irl and on Facebook. On MSF I’m more open.

[SlumberKitty]

Yes I feel protective of my relationship with my T. It's not open for discussion, well a little bit here on MSF. But if my parents ask how my session was, I'll usually just say Fine. I don't discuss what is said in session outside of session with pretty much anyone except sometimes Pdoc if it's relevant to what him and I are talking about. Even the not so great T's I still feel protective of the relationship. It's like personal. Just between me and them.

[Rive.]

It is not so much about being protective (at least from the definition I get from your post) as it is about privacy. Simply put, it is no one's business if/that I am going to therapy and/or what I am going for.

[stopdog]

No I was not - they were strangers I handed money to for sitting there and doing nothing - they were not special in any way. I also never spoke to real people about the therapists - why would I? It had nothing to do with anyone I am friends or family with and it was not interesting at all.

[Lostislost]

Sorry, I know I've already posted an answer in this thread but I was thinking about it some more. I am quite a private person.

Sometimes in session me and T would talk about something, and then afterwards sometimes the same day... He will post something on his public Twitter or Facebook account that relates to what we talked about in session. I found that really hard - why should other people benefit from what we talked about? Why can't he just message me those things privately? Why did every one have to know. Not feeling well so sorry if this doesn't fit or make sense.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I can see why that would be difficult, LIL.

I'd say it fits perfectly.

[Salmon77]

Whenever I discuss therapy with someone who hasn't got much experience with it, I feel awkward and like they probably think I'm really messed up, or like I'm airing my dirty laundry and they probably don't want to hear about it. I definitely don't get into talking about my relationship with T. Most people I know don't talk about their own relationships much in general anyway.

However, a couple times people have asked me about therapy because they were considering it for themselves and then I try to answer as best I can.