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weaverbeaver
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Default Jun 03, 2021 at 03:35 PM
  #1
So tonight I am finally done with therapy and my t after 7 years.
Everything I said, she argued with me and said well if keep making those choices you will end up here. She also showed no empathy and didn’t even try to understand my situation.
If I said black t would sag white. I got so angry I couldn’t speak. T asked if I was shaming myself but realistically I was thinking of how angry I was. T really did not get why I was so upset. I cried all the way home.

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comrademoomoo
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Default Jun 03, 2021 at 04:21 PM
  #2
How have you recovered from these fractures before?
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Default Jun 03, 2021 at 04:47 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by comrademoomoo View Post
How have you recovered from these fractures before?

By shutting up and not saying anything. Usually I just go back the following week but thus is different

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Default Jun 03, 2021 at 04:54 PM
  #4
That doesn't sound much like recovering from or working through anything. Could you try something different this time? Stating your position or describing your pain might be a way to stay with your experience rather than moving to her and centering her responses.
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Default Jun 03, 2021 at 05:21 PM
  #5
Perhaps something very basic in you has been triggered?

What is it? Do you know? She is not there for you. She doesn't understand. She seems not the slightest intestered in trying to understand. You got so angry you could not speak -- it's like the anger was at a basic level where words don't exist. She didn't understand, she argued with you, and that was intolerable.

Why intolerable? Yes -- I have felt that, too, and I still do, even 6 years after the last therapist terminated me. But it's seeming a little bit curious to me why I have that reaction. I still have it -- just that there is a little bit of wondering what it is about. And, after several years of wondering, it seems like I have a bit of a clue. But the feeling is still there.

I will personally, me, myself, never trust therapists again. But having had that horrible therapist rejection/abandonment experience did trigger, I believe, abandonment and rejection feelings that I had numbed out in childhood. I still simply cannot feel abandoned and rejected and also OK. And not feeling OK is NOT OK. Instead it is excuciating - intolerable. So, numbing out in childhood probably helped me get through childhood. Produced other problems as an adult, of course -- or it can.

How to tolerate, or deal with, the intolerable? I never got any help with that from therapists. The most they did was push me into feeling it. I'm not sure that is necessarily a positive thing. "It gets worse before it gets better". How long, and how much, worse? Lifetimes have a limit -- they don't go on forever. "It takes as long as it takes." If that's longer then a person lives, then what's the point of that?

Nevertheless, it sounds as if you are at the point of feeling that the relationship and/or the therapist is intolerable. Can you tell her that? Perhaps that might lead somewhere? Or not. It's not something I ever thought of doing when I was in therapy.

What has helped me some with the oxymoron of tolerating the intolerable is meditation. Not very much and not very quickly. But in the midst of an intolerable storm I can sometimes remember to sit, and focus on the moment, and moments pass. . .
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Default Jun 04, 2021 at 05:28 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by here today View Post
Perhaps something very basic in you has been triggered?

What is it? Do you know? She is not there for you. She doesn't understand. She seems not the slightest intestered in trying to understand. You got so angry you could not speak -- it's like the anger was at a basic level where words don't exist. She didn't understand, she argued with you, and that was intolerable.

Why intolerable? Yes -- I have felt that, too, and I still do, even 6 years after the last therapist terminated me. But it's seeming a little bit curious to me why I have that reaction. I still have it -- just that there is a little bit of wondering what it is about. And, after several years of wondering, it seems like I have a bit of a clue. But the feeling is still there.

I will personally, me, myself, never trust therapists again. But having had that horrible therapist rejection/abandonment experience did trigger, I believe, abandonment and rejection feelings that I had numbed out in childhood. I still simply cannot feel abandoned and rejected and also OK. And not feeling OK is NOT OK. Instead it is excuciating - intolerable. So, numbing out in childhood probably helped me get through childhood. Produced other problems as an adult, of course -- or it can.

How to tolerate, or deal with, the intolerable? I never got any help with that from therapists. The most they did was push me into feeling it. I'm not sure that is necessarily a positive thing. "It gets worse before it gets better". How long, and how much, worse? Lifetimes have a limit -- they don't go on forever. "It takes as long as it takes." If that's longer then a person lives, then what's the point of that?

Nevertheless, it sounds as if you are at the point of feeling that the relationship and/or the therapist is intolerable. Can you tell her that? Perhaps that might lead somewhere? Or not. It's not something I ever thought of doing when I was in therapy.

What has helped me some with the oxymoron of tolerating the intolerable is meditation. Not very much and not very quickly. But in the midst of an intolerable storm I can sometimes remember to sit, and focus on the moment, and moments pass. . .

You know, I felt like you understood me more than my t did after all these years.
I think I was triggered, I have been thinking about it all day and it was the not understanding me and dismissing my problems. It was almost like I was sitting there with my mam again.
I text her today to say I wasn’t going back and got no response but I didn’t think I would.
I feel similar to you in that I will never trust a t again. I feel like I have her too much power and she abused it and almost used everything I gave her against me.

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