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Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 158
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#1
I think that most of the therapists I’ve seen have been over confident about their ability to handle the complexities of the therapeutic relationship. I think that therapists should be more humble and that their first action in a rupture should be to examine and own their part in it, and that they should openly discuss that, as therapists, they will fail you in some way some, or maybe much, of the time. I’ve been reading some books about therapy recently and in the books the clients seem to be blamed for ruptures, and it seems to be assumed that therapists are perfect.
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*Beth*, Yaowen
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Apollite, atisketatasket, Echos Myron redux, Favorite Jeans, Mystical_Being, Yaowen
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
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#2
Dear Brown Owl 2,
I think there is a lot of truth in what you say. Thanks. Humility, sadly is not something taught in Medical School . . . if it can be taught. I could certainly use a lot more of it. Sincerely yours, Yao Wen |
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Brown Owl 2
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Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 158
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#3
Thanks. I think maybe it can be taught - maybe it comes from a philosophical understanding of the uncertainty of all knowledge and of inbalances of power in relationships.
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Quietmind 2
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,431
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#4
I think that owning her responsibility in our current rupture, is whats actually allowing me to move forward. I think what held me up was her explaining away or being defensive about what she did/didn't do.
However, I think "fail" is too big a word for mistakes. To me, failure is abandonment, abuse, exploitation, malice, etc. L used the words "fail" last night and it actually hurt to think that she thinks she failed me. She didn't. She let me down, didn't attune to me, was too logical and not enough emotional to create a rapport, etc. She did some things wrong, but she is not all to blame either. I did things wrong too. As L would say, it's a dance. And we each need to take ownership for our parts. She didn't "fail" me. She was human and made a mistake. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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SlumberKitty
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Brown Owl 2, Quietmind 2
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Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 158
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#5
Quote:
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corbie, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,431
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#6
Quote:
L has been very different. Yes, I feel she got caught up in trying to preserve her ideals until she realized what she was actually doing. She has already apologized for two things that happened. We're working through it all slowly and thoughtfully. She is just human. She's going to make mistakes. What matters is that she owns and takes responsibility for those mistakes, and not just chalk it up to some excuse, look to blame something or someone else, or not take actions to try to prevent these things in the future. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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SlumberKitty
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Brown Owl 2, Quietmind 2
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
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#7
The woman I hired (who was an idiot) used to tell me she was an excellent therapist - if she actually was, she hid it very well
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Brown Owl 2, Mystical_Being, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Dec 2015
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 443
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#8
I completely agree with this. I think therapists often forget that clients come to them with attachment issues and its their job to be aware of how their behavior impacts the client. I am not saying that the therapist should be responsible for everything, but they are the ones who go to school and get trained while the client is coming to them for help for their trauma.
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SlumberKitty
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*Beth*, Apollite, Brown Owl 2, Mystical_Being, Quietmind 2
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#9
I don't believe that most therapists recognize and accept how big of an influence they have upon their clients. That they don't acknowledge it causes me to feel wary. It seems to me that most T's are overconfident about the "method" of therapy they use, yet lack confidence with regard to their client's attachment to them (the T).
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corbie, Mystical_Being, Otheraccountt17
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: US
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#10
Quote:
And (to add to what you wrote) some of them lack self awareness and act confident even if they have no clue what they are doing or are using the client to fill there own needs. |
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*Beth*, Apollite, unaluna
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Member
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: the astral plane
Posts: 493
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#11
This hits home today. My therapist did something stupid today and I called him out on it. Later on he said that I was projecting my anger onto him. “Or, you know, maybe you screwed up.”
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*Beth*, Mystical_Being
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Favorite Jeans, unaluna
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Member
Member Since Dec 2015
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 443
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#12
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*Beth*, Apollite, daisydid, Mystical_Being, stopdog, unaluna
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: In my head
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#13
Quote:
Books that therapists write about therapy tend to be just so much self-congratulatory drivel. It’s like a watching movie that you know will have a tidy, happy ending. I’m always shocked at how I can never find research that focuses on clients’ experiences of therapy. |
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*Beth*, SlumberKitty, stopdog, unaluna
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