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Veteran Member
East17
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Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 516
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#1
So I've not had any sessions with (ill) xT since end of March. I'd contacted 3 other Ts and had initial sessions with 2 of them, but they all want to do video calls rather than telephone. I totally shut down the last time I tried video call and haven't spoken to that T in nearly a month.
Then today out of the blue, I get a 'how are you' text from xT. I wonder whether to lie and tell her I'm fine, or be honest and risk making her feel bad. But I reason that she contacted me and I always said I'd be honest with her, so I told her I wasn't doing great and missed her. I expected either no answer or a polite brush off. Instead she replies that if I haven't been able to access alternative support, she now feels able to offer me weekly sessions as before. Wtf!? I replied that I would love to speak to her again but was confused and asked what's changed, as she was definite about stopping working due to her illness. She said coming to terms with a serious dx takes time and that although she wasn't taking on new clients, she now felt able to take on a few who need ongoing support. The part that was so glad to hear from her and missed her so much is telling me to go back to working with her. But I'm also scared that she will become unwell again and have to stop sessions abruptly like she did before. Although it's lovely to hear from her, a small bit of me feels she's really not being fair getting in touch, it's taken me the best part of 10 weeks of having no contact, to start to get over how losing her suddenly left me feeling, and now she suddenly gets in touch. My head doesn't know which way is up and I feel like I'm being screwed with....but I've been in such a bad place, the temptation to go back to working with her is overwhelming. Any thoughts anyone, please? Sent from my TA-1012 using Tapatalk __________________ To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world. |
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*Beth*, Lostislost, Mystical_Being, SlumberKitty
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Veteran Member
Lostislost
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Member Since: May 2020
Location: Uk
Posts: 557
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#2
It sounds like you do trust her, as you told her the truth when she asked how you were. From what you've said, I would want to see her again. I know it's scary she may get sick again and leave, but that's true of any therapist even if they haven't been sick before. Would be good to talk to her about that as well.
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East17
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Magnate
Rive.
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Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
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#3
Ultimately it's about how *you* feel about it. As you wrote, you don't have support, have been (still are?) in a bad place... and she is offering you support. It also seems you were working well with her?
Yes, there is the possibility she might stop and/or go off due to her health and that is a consideration (risk) you have to consider. Do you want her support even if temporary or would you rather keep searching for a good T fit? What do your guts tell you? You could even do both i.e. go back to her and interview others as well. |
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East17
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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#4
I had an ill former T. She is recently practicing again. I asked her if I could continue/resume with her and she said no. It was very hurtful. Though I understand. She said she wasn't in the same place as a T that she was with me. And that it wouldn't be fair to me to start a newish therapeutic relationship without being able to be the same T that she was. Even though I've grown since I've seen her and maybe don't need the constant support. I definitely understand the desire to go back. There are no guarantees in life. Even a healthy T can get sick. I would say if you were working well with this T to go back to the T. Just talk about the feelings of being scared that you will have to stop again because of the T's illness. Wishing you well. HUGS Kit
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*Beth*
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East17
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Magnate
ArtleyWilkins
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Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
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#5
Are you able to internally and personally tolerate a therapy situation that could be interrupted by unavoidable health events? It really comes down to that. It isn't so much about trust - the therapist isn't betraying your trust by being ill - as much as it is about being able to tolerate uncertainty and sudden change. Not everyone can do that or is in a position to do that. It isn't wrong if you don't feel like that is a scenario that will work for you personally.
I don't see your therapist as being unfair though. She's letting you know the process she has been going through, and she's giving you the option to decide for yourself whether to return to therapy with her if you wish. To me, unfair would seem to be more that she goes back into seeing clients and doesn't let former clients know she is available again. But you need to thing in terms of your own ability to tolerate possible change and uncertainty and listen to your gut. Best of luck to you either way. |
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SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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*Beth*, East17
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catches the flowers
*Beth*
is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind,
body, spirit.
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#6
Oh, I relate so well to your situation. My T of nearly 3 years is frequently out sick. About every month, she's out for one or two weeks. My therapy is interrupted and it sets me back. I know that she really is sick; she obviously has a chronic health problem. Regardless of whether it truly is or not, when a therapist keeps being gone it feels like a betrayal. At least it does to me.
I'm not saying you shouldn't continue with your therapist, but I will say that you would do well to continue with her with the caveat that she might be away again. If you can do therapy with that in mind, then continue with her. __________________ |
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SlumberKitty
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East17
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Writing my way through...
ArtieTheSequal
is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,149
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#7
I messed up my knee somehow swimming yesterday, dang it. Think I'll take it easy and not go today, rest up and try it again tomorrow after work. I need to do something with these bananas that are past where I like to eat them, maybe make some banana bread or something. And go to bed early... been working 5a-2p this week in live chat. This being alert enough to work at 5am kicks my booty! haha.
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healing from trauma
Taylor27
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Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
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#8
This is something I can relate too. My current therapist has been away on sick leave since the end of March. She is expected to return to the clinic next week or the week after. I honesty am very worried therapy wont be the same because of her age and being unwell for a few months. It's good she is giving you options and letting you decide if going back is the right thing for you. Hugs
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SlumberKitty
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East17
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Grand Member
satsuma
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Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 913
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#9
Maybe you could start working with that T again, and ask her to help you start looking for another ‘reserve’ or ‘back-up’ T, in case she goes off sick again? I mean she could maybe recommend people and/or talk about how to find someone and what to look for, and maybe you could even have one or two taster sessions, so that with T’s support you can get a plan B in place for in case the same thing happens again.
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SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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East17, ElectricManatee, SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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