advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
East17
Veteran Member
 
East17's Avatar
East17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 516
10 yr Member
35 hugs
given
Default Jun 08, 2021 at 05:31 PM
  #1
So I've not had any sessions with (ill) xT since end of March. I'd contacted 3 other Ts and had initial sessions with 2 of them, but they all want to do video calls rather than telephone. I totally shut down the last time I tried video call and haven't spoken to that T in nearly a month.

Then today out of the blue, I get a 'how are you' text from xT. I wonder whether to lie and tell her I'm fine, or be honest and risk making her feel bad. But I reason that she contacted me and I always said I'd be honest with her, so I told her I wasn't doing great and missed her. I expected either no answer or a polite brush off. Instead she replies that if I haven't been able to access alternative support, she now feels able to offer me weekly sessions as before. Wtf!?

I replied that I would love to speak to her again but was confused and asked what's changed, as she was definite about stopping working due to her illness. She said coming to terms with a serious dx takes time and that although she wasn't taking on new clients, she now felt able to take on a few who need ongoing support.

The part that was so glad to hear from her and missed her so much is telling me to go back to working with her. But I'm also scared that she will become unwell again and have to stop sessions abruptly like she did before. Although it's lovely to hear from her, a small bit of me feels she's really not being fair getting in touch, it's taken me the best part of 10 weeks of having no contact, to start to get over how losing her suddenly left me feeling, and now she suddenly gets in touch.

My head doesn't know which way is up and I feel like I'm being screwed with....but I've been in such a bad place, the temptation to go back to working with her is overwhelming.
Any thoughts anyone, please?

Sent from my TA-1012 using Tapatalk

__________________
To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world.
East17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Lostislost, Mystical_Being, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty

advertisement
Lostislost
Veteran Member
Lostislost has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: Uk
Posts: 557
3 yr Member
890 hugs
given
Default Jun 09, 2021 at 07:47 AM
  #2
It sounds like you do trust her, as you told her the truth when she asked how you were. From what you've said, I would want to see her again. I know it's scary she may get sick again and leave, but that's true of any therapist even if they haven't been sick before. Would be good to talk to her about that as well.
Lostislost is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
East17
Rive.
Magnate
Rive. has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2021 at 09:09 AM
  #3
Ultimately it's about how *you* feel about it. As you wrote, you don't have support, have been (still are?) in a bad place... and she is offering you support. It also seems you were working well with her?

Yes, there is the possibility she might stop and/or go off due to her health and that is a consideration (risk) you have to consider.

Do you want her support even if temporary or would you rather keep searching for a good T fit? What do your guts tell you?

You could even do both i.e. go back to her and interview others as well.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
East17
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2021 at 10:35 AM
  #4
I had an ill former T. She is recently practicing again. I asked her if I could continue/resume with her and she said no. It was very hurtful. Though I understand. She said she wasn't in the same place as a T that she was with me. And that it wouldn't be fair to me to start a newish therapeutic relationship without being able to be the same T that she was. Even though I've grown since I've seen her and maybe don't need the constant support. I definitely understand the desire to go back. There are no guarantees in life. Even a healthy T can get sick. I would say if you were working well with this T to go back to the T. Just talk about the feelings of being scared that you will have to stop again because of the T's illness. Wishing you well. HUGS Kit

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*
 
Thanks for this!
East17
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
5 yr Member
7 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2021 at 11:57 AM
  #5
Are you able to internally and personally tolerate a therapy situation that could be interrupted by unavoidable health events? It really comes down to that. It isn't so much about trust - the therapist isn't betraying your trust by being ill - as much as it is about being able to tolerate uncertainty and sudden change. Not everyone can do that or is in a position to do that. It isn't wrong if you don't feel like that is a scenario that will work for you personally.

I don't see your therapist as being unfair though. She's letting you know the process she has been going through, and she's giving you the option to decide for yourself whether to return to therapy with her if you wish. To me, unfair would seem to be more that she goes back into seeing clients and doesn't let former clients know she is available again. But you need to thing in terms of your own ability to tolerate possible change and uncertainty and listen to your gut. Best of luck to you either way.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty, Taylor27
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, East17
*Beth*
catches the flowers
*Beth* is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind, body, spirit.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
23.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2021 at 12:44 PM
  #6
Oh, I relate so well to your situation. My T of nearly 3 years is frequently out sick. About every month, she's out for one or two weeks. My therapy is interrupted and it sets me back. I know that she really is sick; she obviously has a chronic health problem. Regardless of whether it truly is or not, when a therapist keeps being gone it feels like a betrayal. At least it does to me.

I'm not saying you shouldn't continue with your therapist, but I will say that you would do well to continue with her with the caveat that she might be away again. If you can do therapy with that in mind, then continue with her.

__________________




*Beth* is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
East17
ArtieTheSequal
Writing my way through...
 
ArtieTheSequal's Avatar
ArtieTheSequal is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
 
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,149 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
5,708 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2021 at 02:42 PM
  #7
I messed up my knee somehow swimming yesterday, dang it. Think I'll take it easy and not go today, rest up and try it again tomorrow after work. I need to do something with these bananas that are past where I like to eat them, maybe make some banana bread or something. And go to bed early... been working 5a-2p this week in live chat. This being alert enough to work at 5am kicks my booty! haha.
ArtieTheSequal is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Taylor27
healing from trauma
 
Taylor27's Avatar
Taylor27 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
24.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2021 at 04:30 PM
  #8
This is something I can relate too. My current therapist has been away on sick leave since the end of March. She is expected to return to the clinic next week or the week after. I honesty am very worried therapy wont be the same because of her age and being unwell for a few months. It's good she is giving you options and letting you decide if going back is the right thing for you. Hugs
Taylor27 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
East17
satsuma
Grand Member
 
satsuma's Avatar
satsuma has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 913
5 yr Member
469 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2021 at 04:57 PM
  #9
Maybe you could start working with that T again, and ask her to help you start looking for another ‘reserve’ or ‘back-up’ T, in case she goes off sick again? I mean she could maybe recommend people and/or talk about how to find someone and what to look for, and maybe you could even have one or two taster sessions, so that with T’s support you can get a plan B in place for in case the same thing happens again.
satsuma is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty, Taylor27
 
Thanks for this!
East17, ElectricManatee, SlumberKitty, Taylor27
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:14 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.