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Legendary Wise Elder
Mountaindewed
NoahsArk30
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
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#1
That things aren’t working out anymore without sounding like I’m just being a judge mental racist asshole? I don’t want her to get upset at me or feel hurt or like I’m judging her. But her personality rubs me the wrong way and her comments and actions don’t make me feel right or good. I’ve been seeing her since March 1st and only one session was ok and not weird or confusing. I want to switch to someone else but I want to do it the right way. I was told with my last therapist that they don’t take it personally when clients want to switch to someone else. But I feel like she might take it personally. Since it kind of is.
But how do I do this assertively and correctly? The last one took awhile but once I got the guts to do it it was easy to talk to her because there was transference going on. I’m not having any transference with this one. I’m just kinda confused on how to handle this. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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Wise Elder
ScarletPimpernel
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Location: US
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#2
Not all transference is positive.
You don't have to make it complicated or personal. You don't even have to explain. It can be as simple and straightforward as you like. You could even write it out first so you have a plan going in. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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Favorite Jeans, LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
ElectricManatee
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#3
I would just say, "I don't think we're a good fit together, and I would like to be referred/transferred/[whatever thing you need from her]." This is true and doesn't get into the specifics of whatever things bug you about her personally. If she asks for more, it's fine to be vague, like that you don't feel like you click with her and it's hard for you to open up without that.
I think therapists generally shouldn't and don't take this kind of thing personally, but if your gut tells you that she's likely to get upset, then it's fine to omit the details about her being kind of weird. ETA: Plenty of people also terminate therapy by canceling the next session and never going back. It's not the "preferred" method generally, but if you haven't seen her that long, then there might not be very much to wrap up with her anyway. |
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LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
LonesomeTonight
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#4
You could simply say, I'm not sure this is the right fit for me. You don't even need to go into details. If you feel it would be awkward to say in person, you could simply email it to her, leave a voicemail, text, however you're able to communicate with her. If you don't want to be without a T until you find another one, maybe start the search now, then you could keep seeing her until then. But I think you said you were considering someone in her office, right? If so, then I'd go ahead and say something to her, that the fit doesn't feel right and you'd like to try someone else.
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SlumberKitty
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Mountaindewed, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
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#5
Oh breaking up with a therapist is hard to do!----but not always!
My ex T that I had before Dr K, I just told her I thought I needed more help than she was giving me but I was open to coming back to her after I had gotten a few sessions elsewhere. I don't really plan on coming back unless things really don't work with Dr. K. But I think I am making more progress with Dr. K than I was making with ex-T. I think like the others said, short, sweet, and to the point. You don't have to get into specifics. BTW, my ex T took it well. She just wished me well and said she was open and willing to see me if ever in the future she could meet my needs. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Lemoncake
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LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed
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Magnate
ArtleyWilkins
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Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
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#6
I've been known to just simply stop making appointments and going to a therapist that wasn't working out for me. I don't particularly feel the need to explain myself to them, particularly if I've only been seeing them for a short time.
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Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Lemoncake
Adult female human
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#7
Maybe just send a email saying
" Dear XYZ, I would like to cancel our upcoming session and not reschedule for the time being. Best wishes __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
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Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto
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Legendary Wise Elder
Mountaindewed
NoahsArk30
Member Since: Jun 2016
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#8
I think I’ll just tell her “I feel like our personality’s clash and I am wondering if you know of someone in the practice who’d be a better fit for me.” I’ll probably first say “don’t get mad, but…” she actually talked awhile ago if switching me to someone younger then her would be a better fit. So she has thought about it too. But last session I could tell she could tell I was uncomfortable with her.
I’ll talk to her in person on Wednesday about it. Thanks for the suggestions they were helpful. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto
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#9
If she’s already mentioned the idea of switching you to someone younger, I don’t think you telling her you want to leave will come as a huge surprise to her. It’s good that you want to be mindful of her feelings, though. I agree with the others, it might be personal, but you don’t need to be so direct - you didn’t click with her (truth) and it’s inevitable that therapists will have clients that don’t.
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LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed
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daisydid
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#10
For me, not seeing the therapist that long, I would just send an email. If I had developed more of a rapport with my therapist I would want to have a last session to discuss. But both of the therapists that I terminated with after a few months just got an email.
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LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed
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Magnate
Rive.
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#11
You don't have to tell them anything. Either don't book a following appointment or say you want to take a break or simply say you want to stop therapy. You can give as much or as little information as you want.
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LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto
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Legendary Wise Elder
Mountaindewed
NoahsArk30
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 35,836
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#12
So is it possible there’s some type of transference going on with this therapist? What would that look like? I’ve only ever heard of transference as a type of attraction towards your therapist. I did have one therapist who I was always trying to please despite her not responding to me positively. Maybe that was transference too.
I just think my current one is weird and she makes me uncomfortable. She’s not like toxic or anything so I didn’t think I was having transference. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
LonesomeTonight
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#13
There can also be negative transference. Ex-T reminded me of my mom in some ways, and it led to some negative maternal transference. Where I would react more negatively to something she said or did than seemed to fit the situation because it reminded me off something with my mom would have said or done. And it did interfere with the therapy some.
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RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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