advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Mountaindewed
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed NoahsArk30
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 35,842 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
8,655 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 11, 2021 at 05:05 PM
  #1
That things aren’t working out anymore without sounding like I’m just being a judge mental racist asshole? I don’t want her to get upset at me or feel hurt or like I’m judging her. But her personality rubs me the wrong way and her comments and actions don’t make me feel right or good. I’ve been seeing her since March 1st and only one session was ok and not weird or confusing. I want to switch to someone else but I want to do it the right way. I was told with my last therapist that they don’t take it personally when clients want to switch to someone else. But I feel like she might take it personally. Since it kind of is.

But how do I do this assertively and correctly? The last one took awhile but once I got the guts to do it it was easy to talk to her because there was transference going on. I’m not having any transference with this one.

I’m just kinda confused on how to handle this.

__________________
Ridin' with Biden
Mountaindewed is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, RoxanneToto, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty

advertisement
ScarletPimpernel
Wise Elder
 
ScarletPimpernel's Avatar
ScarletPimpernel has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,393 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
6,350 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 11, 2021 at 05:13 PM
  #2
Not all transference is positive.

You don't have to make it complicated or personal. You don't even have to explain. It can be as simple and straightforward as you like. You could even write it out first so you have a plan going in.

__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
ScarletPimpernel is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Favorite Jeans, LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
ElectricManatee
Magnate
 
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
5 yr Member
4,704 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 11, 2021 at 05:15 PM
  #3
I would just say, "I don't think we're a good fit together, and I would like to be referred/transferred/[whatever thing you need from her]." This is true and doesn't get into the specifics of whatever things bug you about her personally. If she asks for more, it's fine to be vague, like that you don't feel like you click with her and it's hard for you to open up without that.

I think therapists generally shouldn't and don't take this kind of thing personally, but if your gut tells you that she's likely to get upset, then it's fine to omit the details about her being kind of weird.

ETA: Plenty of people also terminate therapy by canceling the next session and never going back. It's not the "preferred" method generally, but if you haven't seen her that long, then there might not be very much to wrap up with her anyway.
ElectricManatee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,696 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 11, 2021 at 05:19 PM
  #4
You could simply say, I'm not sure this is the right fit for me. You don't even need to go into details. If you feel it would be awkward to say in person, you could simply email it to her, leave a voicemail, text, however you're able to communicate with her. If you don't want to be without a T until you find another one, maybe start the search now, then you could keep seeing her until then. But I think you said you were considering someone in her office, right? If so, then I'd go ahead and say something to her, that the fit doesn't feel right and you'd like to try someone else.
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Mountaindewed, SlumberKitty
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 11, 2021 at 05:20 PM
  #5
Oh breaking up with a therapist is hard to do!----but not always!

My ex T that I had before Dr K, I just told her I thought I needed more help than she was giving me but I was open to coming back to her after I had gotten a few sessions elsewhere. I don't really plan on coming back unless things really don't work with Dr. K. But I think I am making more progress with Dr. K than I was making with ex-T.


I think like the others said, short, sweet, and to the point. You don't have to get into specifics. BTW, my ex T took it well. She just wished me well and said she was open and willing to see me if ever in the future she could meet my needs.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Lemoncake
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
5 yr Member
7 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 11, 2021 at 06:20 PM
  #6
I've been known to just simply stop making appointments and going to a therapist that wasn't working out for me. I don't particularly feel the need to explain myself to them, particularly if I've only been seeing them for a short time.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
Lemoncake
Luna's offical mini me.
 
Lemoncake's Avatar
Lemoncake Adult female human
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,646 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 12, 2021 at 02:34 AM
  #7
Maybe just send a email saying

" Dear XYZ,

I would like to cancel our upcoming session and not reschedule for the time being.

Best wishes

__________________
"Love, like life, flows
Through the heart.
Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."

Lemoncake is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto
Mountaindewed
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed NoahsArk30
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 35,842 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
8,655 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 12, 2021 at 12:10 PM
  #8
I think I’ll just tell her “I feel like our personality’s clash and I am wondering if you know of someone in the practice who’d be a better fit for me.” I’ll probably first say “don’t get mad, but…” she actually talked awhile ago if switching me to someone younger then her would be a better fit. So she has thought about it too. But last session I could tell she could tell I was uncomfortable with her.

I’ll talk to her in person on Wednesday about it.

Thanks for the suggestions they were helpful.

__________________
Ridin' with Biden
Mountaindewed is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
RoxanneToto
Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 yr Member
6,991 hugs
given
Default Jun 12, 2021 at 02:32 PM
  #9
If she’s already mentioned the idea of switching you to someone younger, I don’t think you telling her you want to leave will come as a huge surprise to her. It’s good that you want to be mindful of her feelings, though. I agree with the others, it might be personal, but you don’t need to be so direct - you didn’t click with her (truth) and it’s inevitable that therapists will have clients that don’t.
RoxanneToto is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed
daisydid
Member
 
daisydid's Avatar
daisydid has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: the astral plane
Posts: 493
5 yr Member
375 hugs
given
Default Jun 12, 2021 at 02:59 PM
  #10
For me, not seeing the therapist that long, I would just send an email. If I had developed more of a rapport with my therapist I would want to have a last session to discuss. But both of the therapists that I terminated with after a few months just got an email.
daisydid is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed
Rive.
Magnate
Rive. has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 12, 2021 at 03:23 PM
  #11
You don't have to tell them anything. Either don't book a following appointment or say you want to take a break or simply say you want to stop therapy. You can give as much or as little information as you want.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed, RoxanneToto
Mountaindewed
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed NoahsArk30
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 35,842 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
8,655 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 13, 2021 at 12:56 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
Not all transference is positive.
So is it possible there’s some type of transference going on with this therapist? What would that look like? I’ve only ever heard of transference as a type of attraction towards your therapist. I did have one therapist who I was always trying to please despite her not responding to me positively. Maybe that was transference too.

I just think my current one is weird and she makes me uncomfortable. She’s not like toxic or anything so I didn’t think I was having transference.

__________________
Ridin' with Biden
Mountaindewed is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,696 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 13, 2021 at 01:25 PM
  #13
There can also be negative transference. Ex-T reminded me of my mom in some ways, and it led to some negative maternal transference. Where I would react more negatively to something she said or did than seemed to fit the situation because it reminded me off something with my mom would have said or done. And it did interfere with the therapy some.
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:51 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.