[pixiedust72]

Big trigger warning for suicide.

I’m having thoughts lately and really feeling like I’m just not meant to be here. It’s scary because it’s not that I think the world is so bad, it’s just that I am and I fail at everything I try. I wish I could talk to my T about this but I’m nervous because I’ve brought up suicidal ideation in the past and we either move on from it really quickly or try to distract. It’s a little bit like it’s not taken seriously which just makes me not want to bring it up at all. Not sure how to make it seem serious or “real”. Especially because I struggle to connect to my emotions while talking so I might not cry or show emotion while talking about it.

If you had a positive experience bringing it up, what did you do or say?

[ElectricManatee]

I find that talking about these feelings can really take the power out of them, so your instinct to talk about them with your T is a good one. I might start by just saying what you said here, that you have these thoughts that you aren't meant to be here and that you fail at things and you're worried about not being taken seriously. I hope your T is really able to listen and talk about these feelings because it can be such a hopeless, difficult place to be in.

[Rive.]

I would tell your T exactly what you wrote here. Be honest and explicit with her: i.e. you need to talk about this as you are struggling and it is serious.

Can you copy your post and show/read it to her?

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I've talked to my T about such thoughts many times in the past. Sometimes he'd just check in, ask how frequent the thoughts were and how detailed. Other times we'd spend the whole session talking either about why I currently felt that way or as it's often the case for me that I have flashbacks to previous times where I felt like that, we talk about those.

I've always had good experience - regardless of what the exact topic is - with just saying very clearly what I needed and wanted to talk about. If it bothers me that my T doesn't go into enough detail with a topic, I'll tell him (usually beforehand, in your case I'd probably say something like 'I'd like to talk about some thoughts I'm having, but you always move on so quickly and I feel like you don't take it seriously and now I am unsure whether it's a good idea to talk about it'). Sometimes he has good explanations for why he does something and I agree, and sometimes he agrees that we can talk about it in a different way and we do that.

[Citrine22]

Pixiedust72,
I agree with Rive. Print up this thread and show it to him at your next appointment
or sooner..Good Luck and take good care of yourself, even if you don’t feel like it.

[pixiedust72]

I did talk about it but I decided to write down something to bring to session instead of printing this. It went pretty well which was a relief. I still feel the same but at least now she knows. I get really scared of being terminated from therapy because my situation is too dark and complex. I know it’s happened to people before (I’ve read stories on here) so I worry even though it’s probably unrealistic.

[RoxanneToto]

Have you asked your T if there’s a possibility you’d get terminated because your situation might get too much for them to handle? I can understand if you haven’t, but every T has different limits. I’ve had a few in the past who outlined what theirs were, they didn’t apply to my situation, but it was useful to know where the boundaries were, so to speak.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

Have you asked your T if there’s a possibility you’d get terminated because your situation might get too much for them to handle? I can understand if you haven’t, but every T has different limits. I’ve had a few in the past who outlined what theirs were, they didn’t apply to my situation, but it was useful to know where the boundaries were, so to speak.

I agree that it's a good idea to ask. At some point, I asked my T under what circumstances he'd terminate, and it helped to calm my fears. (In case you're curious, he said the only client he'd actually terminated was one who had physically threatened him during session, to the level that he called the police.)


Also, I'm glad you told your T about the thoughts.

[*Beth*]

Good for you for bringing up your feelings and thoughts in therapy! It's easy to tell someone (or ourselves) to do it, but not easy to actually do.