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corbie
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Default Jun 15, 2021 at 12:24 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by KLL85 View Post
I’ll be honest I really don’t think I can go through the process of working with another therapist and it ending like this against. I’ve worked with three therapists now over the past three years and two have ended extremely badly and retraumatised me due to the feelings and rejection and abandonment. How do I take that risk again? How do I ever believe that they are a ‘good’ therapist? The process of trying different ones out is exhausting and expensive and I just don’t know how I ever trust again.
I feel devastated and broken. I wish I had the courage to end it all, it’s all I can think about.

Yeah, makes sense that you!d want to have a break from therapy, but I also think that it could help a lot if you manage to find someone competent. Again, I don't know how much of this is luck and how much was my selection process being effective, but I went for someone who had a detailed description of her experience and it covered some areas that were highly relevant for me 2. the design of her site reminded me of some of the people who were positive influences in my life / could get along with well 3. Out of the 4 therapists I contacted (3 I had an full session with) she was the one who, out of the BPD diagnosis+previous therapist issue chose to focus on the latter. She has helped a great deal with the xT stuff. I won't lie, it's no miracle, I!m still struggling, the pain is still there, some unmet needs are still unmet, but she can counteract the self-blame and the invalidation and passive-aggressive stuff from xT far better than I could on my own or even using the forums. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to believe that in this case the lack of deeper results indeed might be because of my reluctance to trust her more (like I thought w xT, except it wasn't true then). (Still, better safe than sorry, I also don't think I could bear another failure like with xT)

ETA: not trying to convince you, just sharing my experience just in case it's helpful
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Default Jun 17, 2021 at 04:54 PM
  #22
You don't need to go back if you don't feel it's right. Therapy is not mandatory and it's not always the right solution.

Three years ago, I had a therapist who refused to see me again after I got upset that he wouldn't hug me. Like you, I felt like I was, after a year, handing over really big feelings, feelings I had no clue what to do with, and then I was rejected and abandoned for being 'too much'.

It hurt like hell. It took me two years to fully process it. I decided not to see anyone else in that time -- I asked myself if I could honestly deal with the same thing happening again, and the answer was no. You know what you can handle, and it's OK to listen to your body. Listen to those instincts. I think our instincts can be off or maladaptive, but they do exist to protect us. If they're not currently in a safe place where they can be examined, reassessed, and rebuilt, then I honestly think it's better to wait.

Three years later, I think I could probably see another therapist, but I really have no interest. I think it has the potential for exceptional personal growth, but I would need to be exceptionally vulnerable, and the risks that come with that don't appeal. I can work on myself in other ways.
You can too, if you want.

And your old therapist is a jerk.
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