[KLL85]

So I have been massively struggling with my T terminating me and sent an email begging him to meet again. He has agreed to ‘one final, goodbye session.’ I know I probably need to accept this is the end, but part of me is desperately hoping that once we talk he will change his mind. Anyone ever had this happen? Or have they always stood firm with their decision? He is very strict with his boundaries so I know it’s unlikely, but I guess I’m trying to cling on to some kind of hope

[Marie123]

An ethical T gives you at least a week notice, and tries to help you find another t. Why does he want to terminate?

[KLL85]

Originally Posted by Marie123

An ethical T gives you at least a week notice, and tries to help you find another t. Why does he want to terminate?

We had a rupture in our last session a couple of weeks ago, I emailed him expressing my hurt and anger and he emailed back terminating me because essentially I was too much to cope with (but worded more professionally). I sent a long email back explaining more about how I was feeling and what had been going on in that session to cause such a strong reaction to the rupture. He didn’t reply. I sent another email a few days later begging him to meet in person to which he replied saying he would be willing to meet for one final, goodbye session.

[MobiusPsyche]

I'm sorry, but it's unrealistic to expect that your T might change his mind and "un-terminate" you. I guess it could happen, but it's extremely unlikely.

I just want you to be prepared for that last session, if you decide to go, so that you can get all that you can out of it. If you go in focused on getting him to take you back, you won't really benefit from the session at all, I feel.

But you could benefit from the session if you looked back at your work together, the progress you've made, areas you still need to work on, things he thinks you should keep in mind when looking for a new therapist, etc.

He also has an ethical responsibility to provide a referral to at least one but hopefully a few (e.g., 2-3) therapists who he thinks would be appropriate for you. Now, he's under no obligation to make sure they take your insurance or are actually taking on new clients... although that would be nice of him.

I know this is a really tough position to be in. It feels awful and you're probably angry at him (I would be!). You get to decide if you think a final session would be useful FOR YOU. Some people find them helpful; other people do not.

The rupture is not going to be resolved in this final session, so if that's what you're hoping for, you might not want to go. He is not going to apologize or, if he does, it will almost certainly be a weasely sort of apology. But again, some people do find these sessions helpful. It depends on how long you've been seeing him and how attached you are.

I do wish you all the best.

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[LonesomeTonight]

I would try to go in assuming that he *won't* change his mind. Because if you spend the whole time hoping for that, trying to convince him, etc., then if he says no, I imagine it could make you feel worse.


If you knew this was going to be the final session, would you still want to go? I'd consider what some of MobiusPsyche mentioned. Do you feel it would be worthwhile to get more of an actual ending in person? Because if you're mainly going to change his mind, I fear you will be disappointed. If you think it could help you to see him one last time, then I'd suggest going. But if it seems like it would just draw out the pain, then it may not be worth it.

[amandalouise]

your title question has any of us had therapists who changed their mind to terminate... with me no. once termination is decided thats that.

Treatment providers in the USA do not have to even give one final session or advance notice. some do some dont, its a personal choice in their jobs.

that said I took the time to look back at your posts concerning this therapist and what happened and so forth.

your posts you were not happy with this therapist. you were upset that a therapy session break had happened ie therapist vacation time. you discussed with your therapist how you felt about their taking this time off, and how you are aware that you push and pull and cancel the next appointment when they get back. then after you cancel that appointment you end up crawling back to them (crawling back is your words)

the therapist felt this was attention seeknig behavior and was no longer going to put
up with it. they followed through with when you cancelled the session as you told them you would, by filling that time slot with another client.

you were not happy that they filled your cancelled by you time slot and that they called you out on this behavior and followed through with what they said they would do.

you emailed them blaming the therapist for upsetting you. since you were not happy with them for calling you out for what they felt was attention seeking (purposely canceling the first session after the therapist gets back from vacations or time off their job) they decided to end therapy with you.

I honestly believe that when this therapist says they are giving you "one last good bye session" that they mean it.

I believe that this is it, that they are no longer going to put up with your cancelling appointments then wanting your cancelled appointments back just because you are upset that they took their vacation time, or needed time off in their jobs. no amount of your habit of "crawling back" is going to happen any more..

when you see this therapist for the good bye session you and the therapist may talk about other therapists and agencies. and helping you get set up with the new therapist and agency if thats what you want to do.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I agree that you shouldn't go in expecting him to change his decision. However, I do think it might be beneficial to try to get some closure even if it does cause more pain. I so wish ex-T gave me some sort of closure. Six years later, I'm doing a lot better, but I still hurt over it. I have nightmares and it affects my relationships. I think a little bit of closure would have helped immensely.

[Rive.]

Would you really want him to? Knowing he thinks that you are "too much to cope with"? Knowing he could terminate you at any time in the future and/or that you could not (never?) express yourself or your feelings authentically for fear of him deciding to end it?

All I will say is: be careful what you wish for.

[Mountaindewed]

You could wish. But it probably won’t happen. I’ve been hoping for a week that my old one would take me back. I still am in denial that maybe she’s just on vacation this week and will get back to me on Monday.

But yeah I know going back to her will make things worse.

I get how your feeling though.

[Mystical_Being]

Ethically he should have as others said at least told you in a session and given you a couple weeks to figure out the next step. Him offering this "final goodbye" is a small step in the ethical direction but he should have done more. IMO its the cowards way to terminate over email unless you are the client doing the terminating.

I am very sorry you are going through all of this. Its so hard not only to end with a therapist but also to realize how much power they have when it comes to terminating. I had a therapist who took a leave of absence and disappeared so there was no final session or closure and its been ROUGH trying to move on and grieve. Others have given me notice and that final session gave me enough closure to move on faster and better. I am not sure if you are someone who needs closure or if its important to you but if it is I would make that the goal for this session he is providing. Once a therapist makes up there mind to terminate, that is what happens unfortunately. I have never had a therapist change there mind about termination. Maybe use this time to talk about your work together and what you accomplished with him and maybe get some referrals if that is what you want. Its a very hard thing not only to feel but to face head on. It won't be easy but it can be worth it. You have this chance now to see him one last time and say whatever needs to be said. I would give anything to have had that with my last therapist. I wish you the best of luck and keep posting here if it helps you.