Couch 230: Decent Communications

CantExplain · Jul 25, 2021 at 04:53 PM

Ideal T reaction to a gift:

"Well thank you! That's lovely. I can see you put a lot of work into that.

What made you think of it? How did you feel when you made it? How did you feel when you gave it to me? What kind of reaction were you hoping for? What kind of reaction did you think you would get? How did you feel when I reacted the way I did?"

P.S.

Madame T went as far as "I think this means you love me."

comrademoomoo · Jul 25, 2021 at 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Madame T went as far as "I think this means you love me."

To be fair, this is why I have given my therapist gifts. Or, at the very least, to showcase to her how interesting, clever, thoughtful, sensitive, complex, unusual I am. Or, at the very very least, to demonstrate how better connected to her I am than her other cruddy clients. It's difficult to pull off such grand claims with a gift box of tea, but I keep trying.

atisketatasket · Jul 25, 2021 at 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Ideal T reaction to a gift:

"Well thank you! That's lovely. I can see you put a lot of work into that.

What made you think of it? How did you feel when you made it? How did you feel when you gave it to me? What kind of reaction were you hoping for? What kind of reaction did you think you would get? How did you feel when I reacted the way I did?"

P.S.

Madame T went as far as "I think this means you love me."

And this reaction is a major reason why I have never given a therapist a gift. It can’t just be a gift.

Sending Info a condolence card on her husband’s death was more than enough. And at least she didn’t cross-examine me about it.

stopdog · Jul 25, 2021 at 06:31 PM

The two women got paid to do nothing - I wasn't going to give them a present on top of it. I never felt an urge to give a therapist a gift.

CantExplain · Jul 25, 2021 at 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

To be fair, this is why I have given my therapist gifts. Or, at the very least, to showcase to her how interesting, clever, thoughtful, sensitive, complex, unusual I am. Or, at the very very least, to demonstrate how better connected to her I am than her other cruddy clients. It's difficult to pull off such grand claims with a gift box of tea, but I keep trying.

The important thing is, you thought about it.

CantExplain · Jul 25, 2021 at 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

And this reaction is a major reason why I have never given a therapist a gift. It can’t just be a gift.

Sending Info a condolence card on her husband’s death was more than enough. And at least she didn’t cross-examine me about it.

You don't go to therapy to examine your feelings and motivations?

CantExplain · Jul 25, 2021 at 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

The two women got paid to do nothing - I wasn't going to give them a present on top of it. I never felt an urge to give a therapist a gift.

Quite right. You paid them because you collect receipts.

atisketatasket · Jul 25, 2021 at 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

You don't go to therapy to examine your feelings and motivations?

I go to therapy with goals. Examining feelings and motivations can be part of that. But I don’t see the need to add to Info’s questions about my actual goals and problems that arise in meeting them by giving her a gift that might elicit yet more questions on a topic that I don’t see as relevant to said goals.

I guess for me giving her a gift would be making therapy about the therapist and our relationship, while I think it should be what I want to get done in life. (Yes, yes, I know you think therapy is about the relationship. I don’t disagree entirely, but I also don’t fully agree.)

ETA: I also don’t think one needs a therapist to examine feelings and motivations.

Plus, I give them the gift of my presence. What more could they want?

ArtleyWilkins · Jul 25, 2021 at 07:34 PM

I only once gave a therapist an actual gift. I didn't really plan it or go looking for it - I just kind of stumbled upon it one day and thought it was a perfect metaphorical representation for our working relationship. Fortunately, he "got" it right away and it wasn't a big drawn-out thing - I'm sorry this is stressing you NP. I don't think your T's reaction was negative - he seems to have appreciated it and recognized it was meaningful. Sounds like he is just trying not to "think" for you and wants to be sure he's not putting words/meaning in your mouth about it. That seems respectful.

unaluna · Jul 25, 2021 at 11:02 PM

I think my presents were little poops. Some of them were even shaped like little poops. Like the fidget thing. Or the sock monkeys. Or else they were flat - i guess like toilet paper. A lot of those. Coasters, books, seat cushions for the kindergarten chairs, a print.

Cant get much more freudian than that.

stopdog · Jul 25, 2021 at 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think my presents were little poops. Some of them were even shaped like little poops. Like the fidget thing. Or the sock monkeys. Or else they were flat - i guess like toilet paper. A lot of those. Coasters, books, seat cushions for the kindergarten chairs, a print.

Cant get much more freudian than that.

oh good lord

stopdog · Jul 25, 2021 at 11:44 PM

I did not hire a therapist in order to examine feelings/motivations. I went for one specific reason = the two I hired were useless in helping with it.

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 26, 2021 at 12:25 AM

My birthday present: meet Tails! I've always wanted a hedgehog, but they're illegal here. My sister got me this one for me

She's so cute!

NP_Complete · Jul 26, 2021 at 12:46 AM

It's very cute, but what are you going to do if it needs a vet? I imagine the fines for having one are pretty expensive.

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 26, 2021 at 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

It's very cute, but what are you going to do if it needs a vet? I imagine the fines for having one are pretty expensive.

There's exotic pet hospitals here. Even the pet stores sell exotic foods. They know people have them, just we're not supposed to. And hedgehogs don't really need a vet like dogs or cats.

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 26, 2021 at 01:27 AM

I just found out some bad news. I wrote that my sister contacted L for some reason for my birthday. I just found out that L actually talked to my sister on the phone. I NEVER gave her permission to actually talk to my sister! I feel violated and betrayed! My family is not trustworthy! Why would L do this? It doesn't matter what my sister asked her to do for me, she should have never talked to her!!!!!

Lemoncake · 04:54 AM

For me giving gifts was because I wanted to show that I cared. I wanted a reminder of me left with Rob. He'd pick up the books and hopefully think of me too. I wanted to be a part of his life and present even when I wasn't there. I wanted my stuff in his home. Looking back now I honestly wish I hadn't even though it felt right at the time. It was multiple children's books for his birthday and Christmas so he could read (with his young daughter, a £30 gift card, shortbread, ££ chocolate. His last gift was different packets of seeds + a £3.50 chocolate bar + postage. Didn't do anything last Christmas for the first time. If I did see him in person I would also bring him cake for the first session from M&S which was around £3 each time.

None of it was needed and I wish he had kept saying no instead of giving in to me.

Lemoncake · Jul 26, 2021 at 03:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I just found out some bad news. I wrote that my sister contacted L for some reason for my birthday. I just found out that L actually talked to my sister on the phone. I NEVER gave her permission to actually talk to my sister! I feel violated and betrayed! My family is not trustworthy! Why would L do this? It doesn't matter what my sister asked her to do for me, she should have never talked to her!!!!!

I can understand your feelings, but I think it can be hard for a T to not pick up the phone when it rings without knowing who is on the other end. L might have just listened without engaging in further conversation.

Lemoncake · Jul 26, 2021 at 03:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think my presents were little poops. Some of them were even shaped like little poops. Like the fidget thing. Or the sock monkeys. Or else they were flat - i guess like toilet paper. A lot of those. Coasters, books, seat cushions for the kindergarten chairs, a print.

Cant get much more freudian than that.

Never heard of sock monkeys before. Cute!

Lemoncake · Jul 26, 2021 at 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

ETA: I also don’t think one needs a therapist to examine feelings and motivations.

Plus, I give them the gift of my presence. What more could they want?

Awww the gift of time.

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Couch 230: Decent Communications

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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,869 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.4k hugs given	Jul 25, 2021 at 11:02 PM #290 I think my presents were little poops. Some of them were even shaped like little poops. Like the fidget thing. Or the sock monkeys. Or else they were flat - i guess like toilet paper. A lot of those. Coasters, books, seat cushions for the kindergarten chairs, a print. Cant get much more freudian than that.

NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,808 7 6,354 hugs given	Jul 26, 2021 at 12:46 AM #294 It's very cute, but what are you going to do if it needs a vet? I imagine the fines for having one are pretty expensive.