Couch 230: Decent Communications

Stop go is a fact of life.

Covid 19 is still less than two years old. No one can predict what the virus will do, still less what people will do in response. The best anyone will be able to say for years is, "The crisis is over until next time".

Should we stay inside during the sunshine because it might rain one day?

LT, I have been trying to see in-person sessions (and other ways that I have been enjoying more in-person aspects of life this summer) as an exercise in being in the moment. Like, "This is good for my soul and I'm so glad I can do it right now. It may not last forever, but I can soak up the experience now and take the memory with me if things get more difficult and isolated again later." That has been really helpful for stopping the anxiety about whether anything is going to stay normal because ultimately that's a problem for another day (that may or may not come).

That said, I don't think either of my therapists are intending to go strictly virtual, so maybe this is easier because I feel like I have more power in the situation (there is the potential that I would decide to do virtual, given that I have more risk factors than either of them right now). I could see where feeling rejected or like you might contaminate Dr. T would really be upsetting, so it sounds like something you should talk to him about, regardless of whether that's in person or virtually.

Thanks. I may just do that. I like being back in person, but the cloud of "I doubt this will continue for much longer" hanging over it is really taking away from it. It would be different if it was just me having concerns about it lasting, but he's also expressing serious doubts. I suppose I could go in person Friday, see what it feels like then, and decide based on that.

My friend started a GoFundMe. She shouldn't be trying to work given her severe symptoms but she's job hunting out of necessity. Not approved for food assistance yet.

I like those under-cabinet flour, etc bins! Kinda cool idea.

Thanks, that's a good way of looking at it, the "in the moment." I've been trying to do that with other stuff, like I still feel OK eating outside at restaurants, so trying to take advantage of it when I can when the weather is decent (like this week).


But what you said about the lack of power is a big part of it here for me. I can decide right now to choose virtual. But if I keep going in person, Dr. T might end up making that choice for me. It would be different, like you said, if it would just be a case of, say, going to masks instead of unmasked. But he doesn't want to do masks, so it's either in person unmasked or virtual (though he did say, when I asked, that he'd be willing to meet outside on occasion, weather-depending).

I am talking to him in a bit (virtually!), so I'll bring all this up with him.

It's such a bummer that he won't try masks. I've had two masked therapy sessions this week, and they were both totally fine. After we got into things, I forgot we were even wearing them.

Is there some kind of unwritten rule that therapy breaks must be timed to coincide with clients' most intense experiences of vulnerability?



I've sent R an email, but don't know whether she will respond. I don't know whether I can sit with this knowledge.

Damn empath/HSP tendencies...

HUGS LostOnTheTrail that must be so hard.

I have an employee who I can't get him to understand how much money he makes (which by the way is way more than I make). He's stuck on last year's W2. Well last year was unreliable because we had several months of three days on two days off which we were being paid part of our salary through the federal government and part through the state government. It still didn't make up the total amount of lost salary but it was something. So I showed him how much he makes gross per pay period. Then I multiplied that by the number of pay periods in the year. That shows him the gross amount of pay he makes in the year. He's like, I'm not making that, look at my W2. I'm like, I know you didn't make that last year but you are making it this year. So I took his end of June pay stub and showed him how to multiply the gross earnings by two because it's been half the year and it showed him the gross amount for the year of what he will earn which is not chump change. But I can't get it through his head that he is making the right amount. He keeps thinking I am making a mistake. I showed him on the calculator. I finally told him to talk to his tax advisor. I have no idea if that would actually help but I was tired of dealing with him. I almost called in today for a mental health day but I made myself come to work. Now I am regretting it. But if I would have stayed home I would have been ruminating. Then again, I wouldn't have this frustration which is still on my nerves a half hour after the conversation.

Hugs, Lost...

So...it turns out that Dr. T is actually more concerned about potentially infecting me (and then D) with Covid, rather than my infecting him. He said he has to attend some events, including one Monday, where most people aren't wearing a mask, though he said he and his family were wearing them (but that the event also included a meal, so he had to remove for that). Also that he's only actually seeing 4 clients (including me) in person right now (only clients who are vaccinated)--the rest opted to stay virtual.

And he also had to keep clearing his throat during session, plus coughed a few times. He said he thought was an allergy thing, but of course part of me wondered....Maybe it's good that it was virtual...

I said how it had felt like he was leaning away from me when I was standing in the doorway leaving yesterday, even though I had my mask on. He said the way his office is laid out, he has to be fairly close physically to clients when they're leaving. That he wanted to open the door for me, but that would also involve him being more in my space (though he did open the door?). How he hadn't really "rehearsed" scenarios with clients leaving. I said how I actually felt better that I'd read his discomfort in that moment correctly, that it wasn't all in my head. (He seemed surprised that it made me feel better.)

He said he was "aggravated" at the timing of his deciding to reopen his practice in person with the delta variant spread. And we both talked about our concerns of where things would go from here, like if it would affect school, if places would have to close down, etc. (We're in a state with a high vaccination rate and a county with an even higher one, but it's still concerning.) I mentioned how it seemed he was really negative about it, and he said he's just repeating what he's heard on the news.

And he's basically leaving it up to me for now if I want to continue in person or switch to virtual. He said it's fine to just let him know the morning of, or even right before session. Which I thanked him for.

So I feel much better about things after that talk. Though uncertain about whether to do the next session in person or virtually.

Hugs if wanted LostOnTheTrail. I hope R responds quickly and kindly.

I loved the spinning food drawer the most. Wouldn't be able to deal with just having a baking section personally.

I also found a Brit version from the imperial war museum.

Regarding Delta which is pervasive in my country, expect schools to close when there's a large cluster of cases. We have this problem and a major issue is no vaccine approved for children under 12. 12 years old and above are all recommended to get vaccinated.

Out vaccination rate is really high but we still need surgical masks after full vaccination... because we've had clusters break out in hospitals from fully vaccinated and masked healthcare staff.

I hope she does respond soon. How long is she away for?

Thanks, QM. One thing we were talking about with schools is how in our county (both my D and his son are in the same school system, though elementary vs. middle school), it doesn't seem like they've created a backup plan for if there's an outbreak in one school or if it's widespread enough that they need to go virtual for a month or more. Dr. T said how maybe it was a case where none of the county school board members wanted to seem like they were being negative, in suggesting a backup plan. Which wouldn't surprise me, with how ridiculously politicized Covid is in this country.

One good thing is that they recently announced that they're going to require masks in schools again (they start in a few weeks). However, they're going to be at full capacity (unlike when they reopened for hybrid in the spring), so for lunch, it will be a big group of students in the cafeteria, unmasked while eating/drinking.

My D really needs some in-school services due to her being on the autism spectrum (she did very poorly with distance learning), so I'm very torn on what the schools should do. Honestly, my preference would be for them to do something like they did in the spring, with classrooms at half capacity (some students at home doing virtual learning), distanced in the cafeteria, and priority for in-person for those students who have a greater need for services (like D).

So I'm very anxious about it all...And my D is 10, so no vaccine allowed for her yet (while Dr. T's son is vaccinated, because he's old enough). I've heard mixed things about when it could be available for her, from early fall to mid-winter.

Some people do have trouble processing math too. Just in case he does come back, maybe having a written copy with each step explained and laid out would help him instead of him being shown on the spot?

If you want a statistical line of argument, the odds of a breakthrough infection for someone vaccinated are <%1 as best as anyone can tell. Then for that person to pass it on to another vaccinated person is the same, and then for the second person to pass it on to a child in the age group that does best against COVID, also low.

In other words, the odds are with you if you want to keep in-person.

Good point Lemoncake. He's way older than me but he was taking college classes a while back (good for him) but he couldn't pass the algebra class. So maybe he does have problems processing math.

There's a bigger issue which is he wants a raise and he isn't getting one anytime soon (no one has been given one). He's gotten two since the new company took over which is two years ago, so that's pretty good. He feels that he is underpaid which may or may not be true and he is "fighting the system" at this point and I am part of "the system" so he is being a particularly difficult pill.


If he comes back, I'll write out each step for him so he can see it. I just was over dealing with him earlier. He is my least favorite coworker because he is always a pill. There's always something wrong. Someone is always slighting him, etc. I need to grow some more patience because I use it all up dealing with him. I'm less perturbed by it now. It's a minor inconvenience of my day. I just kind of wish I had taken the mental health day but maybe I will take one next week.