Relapse in symptoms and seeing old T

Hey all, I’m new here but been living with MH for several years..(BPD/OCD/depression/anxiety etc)

Long story short, I saw a T around 12 years ago when I was at my lowest and a complete emotional mess. I found my T online and from out first meeting I knew he was the right person for me. Very quickly I developed very strong feelings of wanting him to be my dad. This went on for our whole therapy (on and off 5 years). We spoke about it many times and he was great about it.

I then went to an MBT therapy for BPD for a couple fo years, then had an illness and during that time my whole life improved.. my old wounds healed, I learned to love myself, relationships were easier, I was “healed”. Or so I thought: I kept in touch with T periodically with updates but never felt the need to go back to see him for therapy.

Fast forward another 5 years and my life has deteriorated and a few old wounds from childhood have opened up. I am feeling in a similar position to when I first went to see him and feel lost, alone, sad etc. I am old enough now to acknowledge that I need some help.

My last T who I also really bonded with (female) has retired. I’ve tried to get therapy on the NHS but don’t qualify.

I’m finding myself wanting to contact T to see if he would take me on again, as I really trusted him, he helped me and knows me very well. However, my concern is that as I am feeling quite vulnerable now, that if I did resume therapy with him, that I might rain developing feelings for him again. I’m not sure if he is even seeing patients any more, so this might be a dead end anyway.

Sorry, that was a bit long but wondering if anyone has gone back to a T years later? Maybe the relationship will change as we have both changed in that time, and it won’t be the same. Maybe we will fit together again like before.
So many questions to work out !

Hello, I haven’t logged in here for a very long time and now I wanted to post pretty much the same question - with different background of course. So I hope my experience can help you clear your mind (sorry I’m not a native English speaker, I hope I’ll be good enough!)

I had a great T 8 years ago who then referred me to another older, more experienced T because she wanted me to try EMDR but she was still learning. After a while I had some financial and family issues and had to cut EMDR therapy suddenly.

Now after a couple years I realized that my past is still haunting me and I needed to wrap my mind around it so I went back to this Emdr T. She welcomed me back and found a spot for me, we talked about resuming our work together and about commitment and taking the time it will need, and here we are. I had some kind of transference too, so I was worried but now I think I did the right thing as she already knows me and where I come from. The relationship has changed, but she knows me and has been great at adapting to me again, is not detached or formal and I really feel like I’m in the hands of someone who knows well what they are doing, for now. To me it has been like having reached a safe haven again.

So I’d say go for it; at least give it a try. If you left in good terms, why not? Should it not work you will think of a plan B - but at least you will know. If the old transference will come up, then you both already know where you are going - this is just my opinion.

Thank you- very helpful! I can see where you are coming from and I guess I have nothing to lose in at least approaching him. My only reservation is that I’ve kind of got my hopes up that he will agree to see me again, when I know that he isn’t seeing as many patients now. So there is a real possibility that he can’t take me on…and I wonder if I will miss him and feel sad that I can never see him again if he can’t see me. If I don’t ask, then I have the hope to hold on to.