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Otheraccountt17
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Member Since: Jul 2021
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Thumbs down Jul 22, 2021 at 01:11 PM
  #1
It’s my second session with a new T and it isn’t going well. She’s trauma informed and I have a lot of faith in her methods but the sessions seem to be really negative and disappointing. Yesterday’s session started with her asking me to do a lot of hard core parts work and grounding right away when I still didn’t feel comfortable or safe with her. She didn’t ask if I was ready for that or even explain why she was asking at all. She tried to ask me what I was feeling and I explained that I felt uncomfortable going so fast and I didn’t like the fact that she seemed so “therapist” and less human. While she said she understood and would try to fix that it just feels like the words went in one ear and out the other. We changed topics and she still kept trying to get me grounded, asking me what part was talking and how I felt. Even when we spoke on lighter topics it just felt disingenuous. I’m not sure how to explain. I’m just on edge because I can’t trust a person with my worst memories and emotions when they’re more of a blank slate than another empathetic human being. When I explain how bad I feel she doesn’t say “that seems hard, I’m sorry” she just goes straight to therapy problem solving mode. It feels like she doesn’t care. She also told me last session that she had some more assessment questions and I brought them up hoping we could do that as a change of pace. And she just said she did have questions, ending it there. And she never asked the questions. It’s all just making me feel like she doesn’t care/isn’t reliable. I really want this to work so I don’t want to hear any “maybe this isn’t the right therapist” stuff. She does emdr and I really want to try it so I’m looking for advice on what I should say to help her understand my viewpoint so that we can get along better. I found myself crying for the whole session not in a therapeutic way but in a hurting way, as in why doesn’t she show any emotions. I felt really bad afterwards.
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corbie
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Default Jul 22, 2021 at 04:09 PM
  #2
First impression from very limmited data, so take with several grains of salt: trauma-informed in tis case seems to mean that she has some theoretical knowledge and a checklist of things she has to do or watch out for, but no deep enough understanding, experience, or pratical skills with trauma to really know what she's doing. So my first choice of answer would be the one you don't want to hear.

The thing with helping her understand your viewpoint is that she has to want to understand, you can't make it happen without her active participation. And even then, she can't go too far from her own comfort zone, limited by her skill, her training and her own ways of coping and protecting herself. So if you try this, set very firm goals and limit how many chances/how long you give yourselves to get there. Maybe ask her upfront whether she's actually willing to cooperate in this. Oh, and if you find yourself repeatedly moving goalposts then run immediately. From my own experience, you'll end up with the same amount of heartbreak either way, but save a lot of struggle and money, and can start healing sooner. Work on a backup plan in the meantime.

How long has she been trauma-informed and what sort of training did she receive? Does she have supervision? I get that you're keen on EMDR and whatever methods she is using, but those are only as good as the therapist using them, and can do as much harm as good if not used carefully. What are your other options?
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