advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 31, 2021 at 08:29 PM
  #1
So, my therapist just resumed in-person sessions this past Monday. And now, with the way things are looking (U.S.), I suspect he will go back to virtual sessions soon (even though our state has a fairly low case rate, and our county an especially low one).

I realized, in going back in person, that something I had really missed was having a dedicated, safe space for therapy. While virtual for the past 15 months, I'd been meeting him from a desk in my bedroom (one of the few rooms in my split-level townhouse with a door), while my husband was often doing work in the office the next floor down. I had a fan running in the hall outside my door for noise, plus some sort of noise machine and/or the window air conditioner inside the room. From what my H has said, he couldn't really hear anything.

But I miss the dedicated space for therapy that is not in my house. My T has said some clients do their sessions from their car, on FaceTime. I imagine another option for me would be going to a parking lot with WiFi and doing a Zoom session on either my laptop or phone. Or to potentially be outside, if the signal was strong enough. Or I suppose maybe there's some option to rent a room at someplace like a local library.

Has anyone else done this successfully? In their car, a parking lot, outside, elsewhere? Just trying to think of options to be prepared. It may end up being a sort of trial-and-error thing, but curious for suggestions?
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
atisketatasket, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2

advertisement
chihirochild
Magnate
 
chihirochild's Avatar
chihirochild is trying
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
5 yr Member
4,865 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 31, 2021 at 09:08 PM
  #2
I've taken a lot of sessions in my car because I had to go to work right afterwards (like, in my car in a parking lot of a grocery store next to the hospital). I also took a few sessions in my car on days off during the pandemic because I knew we were going to discuss particularly sensitive stuff, and even though my roommate probably couldn't hear I wasn't going to be able to speak freely unless I was certain I couldn't be overheard.

It isn't insanely comfortable, but it is private -- gotta do what you can do in these crazy times.
chihirochild is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, RoxanneToto
ChickenNoodleSoup
Grand Poohbah
ChickenNoodleSoup has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 1,563
5 yr Member
1,300 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 01, 2021 at 04:57 AM
  #3
It's a tiny bit different because we never did virtual sessions, but ever since I started therapy, we had phone calls (almost always once a week in addition to my session). Just 15 minutes, not a full session and it was more just emotional support. But usually I request those calls when I'm not doing so well and I will briefly touch on those things, even if we don't go into them so deeply. These kinds of calls I've done in many different places, since I can't schedule my whole day around a single call.

My preferred place is still at home. We only have an apartment and my partner is right next doors, but he wears headphones almost constantly and I never put the call on speakers, so I feel comfortable enough. Speaking of which, my first suggestion would be to not be on speakers, headphones work well, especially wireless ones. When I was at work or at university, I'd always go outside to sit somewhere. At university there was a field with lots of grass nearby, I'd go in the middle of that and sit there while talking. At work, it was probably the least private place I've found so far, but there was an outside sitting area where I just went to the far back where nobody ever is, and usually people don't just walk up to you in those spots either. I even did this in winter, wasn't great, but doable.

Also did a few calls from our car, but since I can't drive, that always meant kicking my partner out of the car until I was done.

I think if you know spots outside where nobody bothers you, those are best at least in the warmer times. I personally wouldn't rent a room just for therapy, especially since a lot of the cheaper places (think motel or cheap airbnb) will have thin walls anyways, plus I don't feel comfortable in new places. To me, the headphones are almost the most important part, since at least in my sessions, I don't think people would understand too much from just my sentences. And it gets boring pretty quickly if you only hear one side talking, especially if your T sometimes also talks for a few minutes.

Another thing that comes to mind, maybe if you decide to still do it from home you could try to have some specific things around only at those times? Something like a scented candle or a small light that isn't your usual color? Something that makes the room feel different, just for that time.
ChickenNoodleSoup is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 01, 2021 at 07:32 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild View Post
I've taken a lot of sessions in my car because I had to go to work right afterwards (like, in my car in a parking lot of a grocery store next to the hospital). I also took a few sessions in my car on days off during the pandemic because I knew we were going to discuss particularly sensitive stuff, and even though my roommate probably couldn't hear I wasn't going to be able to speak freely unless I was certain I couldn't be overheard.

It isn't insanely comfortable, but it is private -- gotta do what you can do in these crazy times.

Thanks, Chihiro. I was thinking of trying from my car at some point. One time fairly early in the pandemic, I had asked Dr. T if he could step outside and wave to me at the end of a session, with the thought being that I'd do the session (on FaceTime) from my car in the parking lot first. I never actually did that. But it's something that could be worth a try.

I have this perhaps ridiculous fear that if I opt to do a session from my car, my H will think that it will be so I can talk bad about him or confess to an affair or something. But I doubt he'd really give it much thought.
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 01, 2021 at 08:00 AM
  #5
Ack, typed long response and lost it.


Thanks for the suggestions, ChickenNoodleSoup. Unsure why I never tried the headphones thing, but maybe I'll give it a try. At least it would make me feel like it's more private.


I have had a couple non-session phone calls with ex-T and ex-MC while walking around outside when I wanted privacy from H, so I could try that. Or scope out less-traveled areas of parks, etc.

And that's a good idea about having things just in the therapy space--I will sometimes put on this Tranquil roll-on essential oil blend before sessions--used to the that before in person, so try to remember to do that virtually, too, to get in the right headspace.
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
chihirochild
Magnate
 
chihirochild's Avatar
chihirochild is trying
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
5 yr Member
4,865 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 01, 2021 at 06:50 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Thanks, Chihiro. I was thinking of trying from my car at some point. One time fairly early in the pandemic, I had asked Dr. T if he could step outside and wave to me at the end of a session, with the thought being that I'd do the session (on FaceTime) from my car in the parking lot first. I never actually did that. But it's something that could be worth a try.

I have this perhaps ridiculous fear that if I opt to do a session from my car, my H will think that it will be so I can talk bad about him or confess to an affair or something. But I doubt he'd really give it much thought.
I took a bunch of sessions from my car when I was living with my BF, and he didn't think anything weird about it... but I suppose that's because his apartment is tiny so he would've heard literally every word I said (which is obviously not optimal for therapy no matter what you're talking about)... and also because I always took them from my car, so it wasn't a change from doing it a different way.

I dunno, you could always tell your husband that it's difficult to focus when other people are home, and you want to see if the car helps. You could also just be frank and say, "I don't have some specific thing I want to talk with T about that I'm afraid you'll hear,."
chihirochild is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
ArtieTheSequal
Writing my way through...
 
ArtieTheSequal's Avatar
ArtieTheSequal is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
 
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,158 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
5,710 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 01, 2021 at 09:44 PM
  #7
Back when L lived out of state for those 2-3 years or however long, when we were doing phone sessions, I most often sat in my car either in the carport or in the parking lot after work to have privacy. It worked well. In the parking lot at work, it's a huge campus with many different companies so the parking lots are huge. I'd drive to a remote corner of the parking lot where there were no cars and park there to talk to her, just in case anybody I knew left work while I was talking to her so they wouldn't see me and come knock on the window or something.

Before we went back to in person, I was about to start doing the reserve a room at the library thing you said, cuz H was always somehow finding an excuse to knock on the door during my zoom sessions. I did start asking him to go to the store for things right before my session started which at least gave me 30 minutes uninterrupted.
ArtieTheSequal is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
Mountaindewed
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed NoahsArk30
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 35,842 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
8,655 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 02, 2021 at 08:34 AM
  #8
Before I moved I would often do virtual sessions in my moms walk in closet. With the door to her room and the closet door both shut. I still wore headphones sometimes. When I wasn’t feeling good I’d lie on my moms bed and wear headphones with the door closed. One time in January I did a session with my Pdoc lying in my bed on my side with my hood up since I was giving zero ****s that day. I did do a session in the car one time. It was minus something outside in early February. It was freezing. I had my winter coat on and a big blanket. But we had a painter over and I really needed to legit talk to her about things that day.

I assume if I go back to virtual, I’m counting on it happening as well, I’d have to go back to my moms closet for sessions. But her new room is a lot bigger so I think I’ll have more or about the same privacy as I did before. My mom claims no one can hear me.

__________________
Ridin' with Biden

Last edited by Mountaindewed; Aug 02, 2021 at 10:52 AM..
Mountaindewed is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
nottrustin
Grand Magnate
 
nottrustin's Avatar
nottrustin has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
10 yr Member
375 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 02, 2021 at 02:00 PM
  #9
I have never felt completely comfortable with virtual therapy. I have tried many rooms in my home but there just is not a place that I cannot hear people. I have resigned myself to the fact that very little in depth work will happen until we return to F2F.

I have had 2 appointments in my car. One with my pdoc because I had been out and was unable to get home in time for my appointment. It was okay.

I had one appointment with T by phone. My husband was in the ER and since I could not be in with him T and I decided to go ahead with my appointment by phone. I hated it. Being able to see out the window and hearing other people was just too distracting. It felt more like I was talking to my friend than my therapist.

__________________

nottrustin is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
corbie
Member
 
corbie's Avatar
corbie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Hungary
Posts: 142
3 yr Member
65 hugs
given
Default Aug 02, 2021 at 05:55 PM
  #10
Home has been out of question so far with my mother in the other room. Initially I went outdoors, then we had f2f for a bit, then outdoors again. When it got cold, they offered that I could gp to the office, since my T didn't work from there but her colleague did. It was really nice, but also kind of awkward, and once I couldn't get in at all, so I decided to stick to outdoors after that. However, I'm probably very lucky to have a suitable area nearby, and it can still be problematic because of the weather (but mostly manageable) or because of other people. (probably no-one cares, even if they overhear bits and pieces, but still ... also, they can be very noisy) Also, there was that time when I was shat upon.

Now that I'm moving to live on my own, privacy won't be an issue at home, and less distractions + more comfort, so will do that (but I think I might miss the outdoors). I'm planning to do something like the stuff @ChickenNoodleSoup suggested, though, so that I still have some sort of transition between home and therapy.
corbie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 02, 2021 at 07:14 PM
  #11
Thanks for all the suggestions! At least now I have some ideas for if things do go back to virtual.


I will say that I had a session with him yesterday (he works Sundays and was out today) that was virtual from him house because of his schedule, and it felt OK. (Privacy wasn't much of an issue this time because we were getting a washer and dryer delivered at the time of my session, so H and D were occupied with that in the basement while I was several floors ups--split-level townhouse). I expected to feel sad about meeting that way after meeting in person the week before, but I didn't. And we talked some more about my concerns of his going back to virtual, and he was very understanding about it. Like saying to get my feelings out, to not worry about offending him or anything. And he said that even if he changed back to virtual, he'd still be willing to meet outside (at the tables downstairs from his office) on occasion if the weather is OK. So it helped to know that, too.
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
Shotokan
Member
Shotokan has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: In The Dojo
Posts: 196
3 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Aug 03, 2021 at 02:39 PM
  #12
Hi, I am stuck in the same situation. My therapist is still doing teletherapy. With me it is just over the phone.

I live in a room that is in the same same house as my sister and her family. It's very hard to talk privately without blasting my air conditioner. Then my room gets very noisy. In an intense situation it gets so hard and uncomfortable. So I have an idea of what you are feeling. It just sucks!!
Shotokan is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
Favorite Jeans
Grand Poohbah
 
Favorite Jeans's Avatar
Favorite Jeans has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: In my head
Posts: 1,787
10 yr Member
1,819 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 03, 2021 at 04:57 PM
  #13
I have the same issue as you, I really like having a dedicated therapy space. I appreciate the privacy but also, while obviously what goes on in therapy stays with me, I like that there’s a place where I can “leave” therapy as opposed to a multipurpose place that I have to use for so many other things.

With my current T, we have virtual sessions and with previous T we only had phone sessions (as of the start of the pandemic). I‘ve had many phone sessions from my car and a few virtual ones (outside big chain coffee shops with free wifi), I also have had a few sessions outdoors and a few at my workplace when I can secure a private room where I’m unlikely to be interrupted (not always possible). It’s not conscious but where I am and how likely I think I am to be interrupted or overheard completely changes what I say and how I say it.

IMHO the space is the T’s responsibility. All I should need to do is show up. It’s hard that I have to be stressed about finding an appropriate venue. I don’t pay any less now, shouldn’t the cost of therapy at least include a quiet, confidential, climate-controlled room?
Favorite Jeans is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 03, 2021 at 05:07 PM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shotokan View Post
Hi, I am stuck in the same situation. My therapist is still doing teletherapy. With me it is just over the phone.

I live in a room that is in the same same house as my sister and her family. It's very hard to talk privately without blasting my air conditioner. Then my room gets very noisy. In an intense situation it gets so hard and uncomfortable. So I have an idea of what you are feeling. It just sucks!!

Thanks, and sorry you're dealing with it, too. I've mostly seen him in person the past couple weeks, but my current teletherapy setup is: In upstairs bedroom with door closed. Floor fan on (about medium speed) outside the door to help muffle the noise inside. Sound machine (Lectrofan) going inside the room. And, for now, a window air conditioning unit because it gets really hot up there even though we have central air (we're in a split-level townhouse where each room is essentially its own floor--not counting bathrooms, of course).
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 03, 2021 at 05:11 PM
  #15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans View Post
I have the same issue as you, I really like having a dedicated therapy space. I appreciate the privacy but also, while obviously what goes on in therapy stays with me, I like that there’s a place where I can “leave” therapy as opposed to a multipurpose place that I have to use for so many other things.

With my current T, we have virtual sessions and with previous T we only had phone sessions (as of the start of the pandemic). I‘ve had many phone sessions from my car and a few virtual ones (outside big chain coffee shops with free wifi), I also have had a few sessions outdoors and a few at my workplace when I can secure a private room where I’m unlikely to be interrupted (not always possible). It’s not conscious but where I am and how likely I think I am to be interrupted or overheard completely changes what I say and how I say it.

IMHO the space is the T’s responsibility. All I should need to do is show up. It’s hard that I have to be stressed about finding an appropriate venue. I don’t pay any less now, shouldn’t the cost of therapy at least include a quiet, confidential, climate-controlled room?

You make some really good points here. Like, therapy costing the same, but not getting the room that comes with it if it's teletherapy. And also the idea of a place to leave your emotions/thoughts.


Another similar thing is how, in the past, I'd use T's tissues and then throw them away away in my T's trash can when I left. So like, leaving the emotions behind. Now, the few times we've been in person, I've brought my own tissues and put any I used back in my purse in a bag to dispose of on my own. I accidentally dropped one on the floor last week. T and I had said goodbyes, I was about to leave, then he noticed the tissue and asked if I could go back to pick it up. I know it's a totally reasonable thing to ask, but I felt shamed in some way. (Note that he once asked me to do this pre-Covid, so I think he's a bit of a germaphobe, though I am as well, so...)
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Favorite Jeans, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:00 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.