Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

atisketatasket · Dec 08, 2021 at 09:33 PM

It’s the day everything’s due for my big class and I’ve spent the evening emailing back and forth with students with last minute issues. That will go on for a few more hours.

And I spent today being nice and supportive to staff and faculty at work, at least one of whom made a massive mistake that made me look vad.

I am sick and ******* ****ing tired of trying to adhere to my stupid belief that everyone should be treated humanely. All I get for it is ignored, dismissed, talked over, and not supported. Not heard, irl or otherwise.

Possible trigger:

I haven’t felt this many sh impulses or this much si in years.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 08, 2021 at 10:05 PM

Dear T,
And now I'm worried about whether one of the guinea pigs is OK...
Love,
LT

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 09, 2021 at 09:18 AM

Growth is a funny thing, L. Last night I was making a hat and noticed a mistake, caught myself immediately still inside the thought of "This is stupid" and wanting to throw it on the floor and knew I was projecting - took a breath and asked myself what feelings I was projecting instead of letting myself feel, and it was sadness about our upcoming goodbye. It has arrived. Let's talk about this tomorrow.

Rive. · Dec 09, 2021 at 09:47 AM

Are you really surprised by my reaction?

And no, you aren't. Not enough by far.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 09, 2021 at 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Dear T,
And now I'm worried about whether one of the guinea pigs is OK...
Love,
LT

She seems to be back to her usual self, thankfully. I would not have dealt with it well today if she hadn't been. I feel such a sense of relief watching her sit there nibbling on hay.

And I do appreciate the reply this morning, as I said. Though your comment on how her behavioral issues will just make the diagnosis more complex is concerning... I wish you could come with us today. Or, I don't know, be there via Zoom on my phone or something.

Love,
LT

RoxanneToto · Dec 09, 2021 at 01:54 PM

I hope you are ok; I’m still not going to bother you while you’re away, we will speak again soon enough but in the meantime I wish you the best and hope you have a good Christmas, if we don’t meet beforehand.

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 09, 2021 at 02:51 PM

I hope you are feeling less tired; I wish for you peace in all of this.

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 09, 2021 at 04:42 PM

I've filled up several pages of my current therapy/dream journal since last Friday's session. Much that I probably won't share with you because there's just not time. But that's okay because I can differentiate - what parts are just my internal processing and what parts will be helpful to discuss with you. My sincere wish and hope is that you are feeling better, less tired, and that we can finish processing this ending over the next 2 sessions. I really don't want to have to carry it over until January. You know that's our overtime month at work (or did you forget?) and from what they're saying it's going to be more brutal than normal, since we are now supporting more than we used to have to and they're not taking any of it away. We need to wrap this up on 12/17 since you're not working the rest of this month. I'm not gonna whine about it - I don't begrudge you a vacation, you deserve time off, after all. I don't particularly like the timing of it, but it's okay. I'm okay. And I'll continue to BE okay.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 09, 2021 at 05:45 PM

Dear T,
Appointment with p-doc went really well, and we did walk away with a prescription (without really having to push)--perhaps the ADHD was especially obvious in person! I sort of want to email you to tell you this, but I can just wait to share in session tomorrow.

Love,
LT

LostOnTheTrail · Dec 09, 2021 at 05:48 PM

Thank you. I'm sorry I contributed to your feeling ******, and yet glad we had the conversation, when I finally got the words out.

Mountaindewed · Dec 09, 2021 at 06:12 PM

Transference T has been out of my mind today thankfully. I have not listened to my music or eaten peppermint chocolate. I guess those things just make me think of her even more and it can become unbearable. I havent thought much about my current T either. Yesterday was such an uneventful session that there was nothing to stress over.

East17 · Dec 09, 2021 at 06:32 PM

Sometimes when we're sitting in silence, it's not necessarily because I'm processing something, it's because I'm struggling to talk.

I had a lot of silences with ex-T. She never tried to fill them, but did ask questions to encourage me to open up. We built a rapport that way, because I never felt alone with everything.

I like you as a person, but I don't yet feel as though you are on this journey with me. It feels like I'm struggling along on my own and you are watching from the sidelines, but not engaging with me. Is there any way we can change that?

I wonder why you asked me about the plan this week, did you think I would have changed my mind already? Even Ex-T wasn't able to perform that miracle. You said you are only a text away. But I don't know you well enough yet to know how you would react if I texted you in that state of mind. I don't think I'll be putting it to the test.

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 09, 2021 at 07:01 PM

L,
I'm sorry for being conflicting with my words and their meanings. I hope we can work through it tomorrow. I want you to be able to trust me.

KLL85 · Dec 10, 2021 at 05:51 AM

You text saying I can choose whatever time to suit me for the session between Christmas and New Year. So does that mean you are only working that day to see me? Surely if you had other clients coming in on that day some of your slots would be filled as you would have seen all of them this week to offer the same thing before sending that text. If that was the case it would both delight me and also make me feel so ashamed and pathetic. I wish I could ask you. If that is the case then I would probably tell you that it doesn’t matter as I don’t want to spoil your time off by you having to come in to work just to see me. Why would you do that anyway? You must have other clients coming in to see you as well, or perhaps you offered it and they all said no and I’m just the only needy one.

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 10, 2021 at 01:56 PM

I hope you're feeling up for this today.

LostOnTheTrail · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:09 PM

Today pushed me to my limit. An opportunity I was really looking forward to fell through because of my access needs. It's such a delicate balance. When living with disability is done well, you don't see the disability. Until it encroaches for practical reasons.

comrademoomoo · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:23 PM

I miss you. Our connection is so significant for me that it is painful to consider it. It's bittersweet to hear you talk about this being significant for you too. The inevitable loss of this relationship threatens to be more painful because of the something-like-loving which we both feel. It's easier when we are gritty with each other. I need to get back to hostile business as usual next week to steel myself for your utterly unacceptable Christmas break.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:28 PM

How can I miss you, Julieanne, when I don't even know you?

Rive. · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:40 PM

It's plain to me, that's one more lie

ArtieTheSequal · 09:31 PM

THANK YOU. Today's session did a LOT to get me ready to say our goodbyes next week. The card you pulled, so perfect. The sand tray I did, made me feel so happy inside. The stuff you shared, will be helpful to recall after next week.

I am ready.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

My Support Forums

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,890 (SuperPoster!) 9 75.1k hugs given	Dec 08, 2021 at 10:05 PM #962 Dear T, And now I'm worried about whether one of the guinea pigs is OK... Love, LT
	Reply With Quote

Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,023 10	Dec 09, 2021 at 09:47 AM #964 Are you really surprised by my reaction? And no, you aren't. Not enough by far.
	Reply With Quote

RoxanneToto Grand Poohbah Member Since Aug 2020 Location: England Posts: 1,692 3 6,991 hugs given	Dec 09, 2021 at 01:54 PM #966 I hope you are ok; I’m still not going to bother you while you’re away, we will speak again soon enough but in the meantime I wish you the best and hope you have a good Christmas, if we don’t meet beforehand.
	Reply With Quote

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,339 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,820 hugs given	Dec 09, 2021 at 02:51 PM #967 I hope you are feeling less tired; I wish for you peace in all of this.
	Reply With Quote

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,890 (SuperPoster!) 9 75.1k hugs given	Dec 09, 2021 at 05:45 PM #969 Dear T, Appointment with p-doc went really well, and we did walk away with a prescription (without really having to push)--perhaps the ADHD was especially obvious in person! I sort of want to email you to tell you this, but I can just wait to share in session tomorrow. Love, LT
	Reply With Quote

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,428 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,454 hugs given	Dec 09, 2021 at 07:01 PM #973 L, I'm sorry for being conflicting with my words and their meanings. I hope we can work through it tomorrow. I want you to be able to trust me. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
	Reply With Quote

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,339 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,820 hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 01:56 PM #975 I hope you're feeling up for this today.
	Reply With Quote

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 02:28 PM #978 How can I miss you, Julieanne, when I don't even know you? __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
	Reply With Quote

Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,023 10	Dec 10, 2021 at 02:40 PM #979 It's plain to me, that's one more lie
	Reply With Quote

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,339 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,820 hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 05:46 PM #980 THANK YOU. Today's session did a LOT to get me ready to say our goodbyes next week. The card you pulled, so perfect. The sand tray I did, made me feel so happy inside. The stuff you shared, will be helpful to recall after next week. I am ready. Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Dec 10, 2021 at 09:31 PM..
	Reply With Quote