[20oney]

I’ve recently had this come up, where I’m so afraid of letting T in because I’m scared that I will lose her. In any way. Like she’ll abruptly leave, or circumstances would change and of course, the unthinkable.
How do you get through this? It seems every time I try to solve this riddle, I just get upset with myself and life because I can’t find a way through or with this feeling

[Rive.]

How to get through this? By bringing it to light and exploring it with your T.

You cannot 'solve' this riddle by yourself primarily because what you feel is in relation to another human being i.e. your T. It is relational and your T is part of the equation. Hence, your T ought to be invited (by you) to explore why you feel this, is there a pattern in your life about letting people in and being burnt, what do you get by keeping people out, what is the fear, have you been rejected or abandoned before etc. etc.

It is not so much about solving anything (how would that be possible anyway). Sadly, things end in one form or another. This is inevitable. But it is possible to come to terms with endings and letting other people in regardless. This could be the work in therapy.

[RoxanneToto]

Rive is right. The key thing is, trying to avoid being hurt is counterproductive. I’m not being critical because it is understandable why some people become avoidant, but long term, it doesn’t really benefit most people.

[LonesomeTonight]

I worry about this is well and agree with the others that the best thing to do is talk about it with your T.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by 20oney

I’ve recently had this come up, where I’m so afraid of letting T in because I’m scared that I will lose her. In any way. Like she’ll abruptly leave, or circumstances would change and of course, the unthinkable.
How do you get through this? It seems every time I try to solve this riddle, I just get upset with myself and life because I can’t find a way through or with this feeling

Having had the unthinkable happen, I remind myself that the relationship I had with my therapist was worth the pain. We accomplished so much and she will forever hold a place in my heart and memories.

If I were to not allow my current therpaist in all of the unfinished work with T would forever remain unfinished. She would fully support my continued growth and healing. Some days I want to stop therapy because it is too hard but think of T1 and her support.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Having had the unthinkable happen, I remind myself that the relationship I had with my therapist was worth the pain. We accomplished so much and she will forever hold a place in my heart and memories.

If I were to not allow my current therpaist in all of the unfinished work with T would forever remain unfinished. She would fully support my continued growth and healing. Some days I want to stop therapy because it is too hard but think of T1 and her support.

I really admire you and your strength. I hope if I'm ever in a similar situation, I too would have tje strength to continue. I wouldn't want to end the work that L and I or even T have done. I would want to honor them by continuing to work on myself.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I really admire you and your strength. I hope if I'm ever in a similar situation, I too would have tje strength to continue. I wouldn't want to end the work that L and I or even T have done. I would want to honor them by continuing to work on myself.

Thank you. My saving grace is that I was seeing my current therapist the first ones accident. We had an established relationship. There wasn't the connection and closeness but we could build on. She was also there to support me through the most painful days.

[East17]

Sometimes you can talk about it, look at where the feelings of fear of abandonment come from, go into it to the nth degree, but still never really resolve it; nor stop the 'what-ifs' in relation to losing them in particular. I know this because it's the situation I'm in.

My T stopped working for a while due to health reasons. After 3 months she made contact again and said she was going to resume working with a limited number of clients. Of course I jumped at the opportunity of continuing with her, because there was so much stuff we hadn't dealt with. But it's a double-edged sword. I go from week to week with the knowledge that she might have to cancel again at very short notice, that she might suddenly disappear, that we may not be able to finish our work together. My T is living on borrowed time, and I know that one day I may get a call no one wants to receive. It's a difficult thing to bring into the therapy mix.

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