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Member
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 327
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#1
I’ve recently had this come up, where I’m so afraid of letting T in because I’m scared that I will lose her. In any way. Like she’ll abruptly leave, or circumstances would change and of course, the unthinkable.
How do you get through this? It seems every time I try to solve this riddle, I just get upset with myself and life because I can’t find a way through or with this feeling |
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BorisTheAnimal, LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,121
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#2
How to get through this? By bringing it to light and exploring it with your T.
You cannot 'solve' this riddle by yourself primarily because what you feel is in relation to another human being i.e. your T. It is relational and your T is part of the equation. Hence, your T ought to be invited (by you) to explore why you feel this, is there a pattern in your life about letting people in and being burnt, what do you get by keeping people out, what is the fear, have you been rejected or abandoned before etc. etc. It is not so much about solving anything (how would that be possible anyway). Sadly, things end in one form or another. This is inevitable. But it is possible to come to terms with endings and letting other people in regardless. This could be the work in therapy. |
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SlumberKitty
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*Beth*, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto, ScarletPimpernel
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#3
Rive is right. The key thing is, trying to avoid being hurt is counterproductive. I’m not being critical because it is understandable why some people become avoidant, but long term, it doesn’t really benefit most people.
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Rive.
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,485
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#4
I worry about this is well and agree with the others that the best thing to do is talk about it with your T.
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SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
10 375 hugs
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#5
Quote:
If I were to not allow my current therpaist in all of the unfinished work with T would forever remain unfinished. She would fully support my continued growth and healing. Some days I want to stop therapy because it is too hard but think of T1 and her support. __________________ |
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LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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chihirochild, Quietmind 2, RoxanneToto, ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,631
(SuperPoster!)
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#6
Quote:
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
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#7
Thank you. My saving grace is that I was seeing my current therapist the first ones accident. We had an established relationship. There wasn't the connection and closeness but we could build on. She was also there to support me through the most painful days.
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 534
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#8
Sometimes you can talk about it, look at where the feelings of fear of abandonment come from, go into it to the nth degree, but still never really resolve it; nor stop the 'what-ifs' in relation to losing them in particular. I know this because it's the situation I'm in.
My T stopped working for a while due to health reasons. After 3 months she made contact again and said she was going to resume working with a limited number of clients. Of course I jumped at the opportunity of continuing with her, because there was so much stuff we hadn't dealt with. But it's a double-edged sword. I go from week to week with the knowledge that she might have to cancel again at very short notice, that she might suddenly disappear, that we may not be able to finish our work together. My T is living on borrowed time, and I know that one day I may get a call no one wants to receive. It's a difficult thing to bring into the therapy mix. Sent from my TA-1012 using Tapatalk __________________ To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, Waterbear
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Quietmind 2
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