Couch 231: Live Long and Prosper!

Some of the academic types might appreciate this. My nemesis colleague is in charge of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion for our unit. Great, that's her area of interest, good place to let her use her talents. She held a forum for students and faculty were welcome too. A friend attended.

Nemesis spoke for at least ten minutes about Critical Race Theory (CRT) to our master's students, to whom we do introduce the theory... but according to my friend, Nemesis was very clearly describing not CRT but rather Critical Theory... because she said it had been started by two old, dead, white guys a hundred years ago. The rest of the description was pretty vague so it was hard to tell what she was describing, exactly, but that part really stood out!

Now, both my friend and I are flabbergasted by this revelation that Nemesis does not know basic information about a prominent theory in the area she purports to be an expert in. We're both shocked! We know she cuts corners and misses deadlines and comes late to meetings and doesn't pay attention when other people are speaking but gets violently offended if others do the same to her. We know she has her graduate assistant do most of the work she produces. But we had no idea that she didn't understand these basic facts.

For those of you outside academia, it's kind of like a carpenter mixing up a Philips head and a flathead screwdriver.

(I call her Nemesis but in actuality, she poses very little threat to me. I need to think of a better name.)

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Antagonista?

Started new job (finally!) but it's a lot more physical labor than I expected. There's 4 distinct jobs and they keep making me do the same job which is very physical even though I'm easily the oldest person there. I'm hoping it's a case of "paying my dues" and I can be trained on the other 3 jobs soon. Also, I get to move into my new apartment in 3 weeks so I'm very excited about that!

Call her "Pest".

It's the first Friday I don't get to see L. I'm heartbroken. I just want to curl up into ball and cry, but I haven't been able to cry. I'm beyond sad.

I changed rooms and floors like they wanted me to but yesterday the woman knocked on my door told me to come down. I did. She was busy so I came back up. She sent me another email at night - I went down this morning.

They want me to move out of the building by the 30th of september which IS the first that I'm hearing about it . I said it wouldn't be possible for me to move out by then. Another woman came in and started shouting at me that there were no exceptions. That I had to leave and be out by 12pm at the latest. I told her I was supposed to have my final exam in two weeks during all of this .She said I had already moved once so it would be easy for me. When I asked if she could help me find a hotel she said I could do that myself.

I came back to my room and cried a whole lot.

I emailed the student office and asked for an extension to delay the exam to the following year which they granted. After a full year of being on my own- i'm booking a ticket home and will deal with all of this later. I feel like a complete and utter **** up.

Huge hugs to you @Lemoncake

So sorry to hear this, Cake. Did they give a reason?

Hugs, I'm sorry. Maybe lighting the candle will help you be able to cry?

Hugs, Lemon. I'm sorry you're dealing with all that. I'm glad you were able to get your exam deferred. And you're not a ****-up.

I thought I would have passed my exam in June, so didn't think I needed to pay for the deposit in september as I wouldn't be here. The new girl wanted my room specifically because of her friend. This building has 9 floors- 4 corridors down each and 4 rooms off those and apparently there is no more space, but they were able to offer a room to my friend creepy guy for the increased price of 9k which is x2.5 what I normally pay.

To defer the exam I still have to pay but they said they would reduce the tuition fee to 1/4 as it's just self study.

Lemoncake, I hope I am not overstepping, but are you at a uni in the UK? If you have a mental health diagnosis, you can get support from the uni's disability service. You can receive help from an advisor who can put academic adjustments in place for you and you can receive ongoing support from a mental health mentor for emotional and wellbeing support. The service will often negotiate with housing, estates and your department to help in exactly these circumstances you describe. I work in a disability service so if you want to message me, feel free.

comrade, I was kind of sad to see your thread disappear yesterday. I don't understand Gestalt therapy either, and I was looking forward to being flummoxed together. Fwiw, I doubt you are trying to seduce your therapist. My relationship with my therapist is way more confusing and unsettling than any romantic entanglement I've ever had. Maybe more than all of them combined.

I’m floored. Was talking with T about this thing where I tend to externalize blame, and I was getting really worked up because I felt like he was really pushing me and it felt like he was saying, “you have to work on this or else therapy isn’t helpful and I can’t ethically offer unhelpful therapy.” So I was getting more and more wound up, nearly to the point of tears, without really understanding that I was feeling this way. And finally T and I got to what it was I was feeling (scared, abandoned, angry), and he said, “hey. I love you. I want you to get better. I’m not going anywhere.” And that shut me the hell up. It was sort of inherently shocking because he is not a warm/fuzzy T on the whole, and also it interrupted this fear/anger over a perceived imminent abandonment. He made the point that, when he is giving me feedback, I don’t seem to be able to simultaneously hold his positive feelings towards me along with the feedback — the feedback overwhelms everything and I can’t feel anything else, or even remember any other feelings he might have had towards me. I have a meeting in like four minutes so I can’t write more but I just wanted to get this down while I still remember.

My T calls those moments "being pushed outside your window of tolerance" and we both try to avoid them because they're not terribly helpful. I just get flooded and unable to think or function.

How did you feel about him saying that he loves you?

I talked to L this morning. We talked about how to do things that could trigger me to cry (i.e. listen to music, writing her, etc.). We also talked about how maybe my body needs the stillness, that maybe this all is just too much for me. I have some things planned for today: shower, color a coloring page I found, probably email her, and she said she'd send me a worksheet. And of course, lighting the candle tonight.

I have to say I'm surprised by myself. I really thought I'd have active emotions. I thought I'd cry, panic, be upset. This is painful, but I'm more melancholy, calm, and numb. And my thoughts are not bad either. I'm either coping really well or I'm heading for a huge breakdown. If I had to guess, I think I'm actually coping...

Wow, that's a big thing for him to say, particularly because, as you said, he's not a warm, fuzzy T. I imagine it might take you a bit of time to know how you feel about his saying it.

I struggle with feedback like that as well, whether from a T or from anyone really. Part of me just sort of shuts down. And I could see how his line about "I can't ethically offer unhelpful therapy" would feel like a sort of threat of abandonment. So I'm glad he confirmed he isn't going anywhere.

HUGS Lemoncake I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. This is way beyond something an average person could handle well. You are not a ****up you are a sensitive, warm, loving, caring person. I'm so sorry this got dumped on you. HUGS Kit

HUGS Scarlet I hope that you are coping and not falling apart. I hope you can cry if you need to or just comfort yourself in another way if needed. HUGS Kit

I have an appointment with IOP individual T---J in 2.5 hours. EEK. I'm nervous because we are going to discuss my relapse. I'm trying to review my notes from all the sessions of IOP that I've had because she is going to want to know what stood out. Although my memory is crap and I can't remember crap so it's good I am writing it down. I hope I can think of some things to say today. I hope I don't come away feeling shaky like I did lasts week. I have IOP tonight and I'd like to be all there, emotionally, mentally, etc.