Does T care how much you hurt?

Mountaindewed · Sep 06, 2021 at 12:55 PM

I couldn’t tell with one of my therapists. She would always ask how I was feeling and seemed to care. But one time right before telehealth started I told her I was feeling S and she seemed super concerned and then half an hour later I had my mom call her to tell her I was ok and she just laughed it off and said she wasn’t going to call 911 to my house.

But during the session she sure made it seem like it was a big deal. It was confusing. She’s never responded to any of my emails since ending things. I sent one a few weeks ago and she never responded.

My last unprofessional one cared when I was hurt and she was always asking how I was feeling and and if I was ok and stuff after getting my Covid shots or having surgery or whatever.

My current one doesn’t show any emotion or give any type of feedback. She just asks questions. She’s a bit of a blank slate but in a cold robot type way. Like I think she cares but she doesn’t really show it.

satsuma · Sep 06, 2021 at 04:11 PM

Yes, I definitely think so. But he needs to have a way to not care too much. Otherwise if he was upset when his clients were upset then he would spend too much of his life being upset, because people often seek out therapy because of upsetting things.

Waterbear · Sep 08, 2021 at 05:11 PM

Right now, I would have to say no... Which goes against everything that I have ever known or felt about her. To say I am confused is an understatement.

MoxieDoxie · Sep 08, 2021 at 09:49 PM

They care if you are going to hurt yourself or others and then it becomes more work for them to get you under control. If you are no danger then they care for the 50 mins you are in the room with them. After the session they move on and forget you exist until your next session.

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 08, 2021 at 09:57 PM

I'm sorry that's your experience, but not all Ts are like that.

I know I don't disappear for L or T after the 50mins. L checks in everyday with me, and sometimes sends me links to things that remind her of me.

The_little_didgee · Sep 17, 2021 at 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

They care if you are going to hurt yourself or others and then it becomes more work for them to get you under control. If you are no danger then they care for the 50 mins you are in the room with them. After the session they move on and forget you exist until your next session.

That is so sad.

The_little_didgee · Sep 17, 2021 at 02:41 PM

She seems to care, at least in a professional way. I think she finally understands how hurt I was by psychiatry. She was around when that happened and failed to help. She just went along with it. Now she is different. I'm not sure what made her change.

Talking about misdiagnosis irritated her until recently. Now she wants to discuss it and help out with my medical record correction request.

Apparently she felt bad about the entire ordeal. She told me one time that she would think about me and what she and the service did wrong.

Mountaindewed · Sep 17, 2021 at 04:09 PM

At this point I don’t think she cares and she is in a rush to get me over to my next therapist. I can clearly tell from her Facebook account that she is a closet phobe. And after the email exchange we had earlier this week where she didn’t even mention any of the stuff I have going on I just think she is an asshole and I’m wondering if she’s hurting more then helping at this point.

I found that email exchange to be very hurtful and I had to stick up for myself and get a bit loud in order to be heard by her and get what I legit deserved.

MuddyBoots · Sep 18, 2021 at 04:10 AM

My t gives zero shits about me, I'm just one of many clients and probably one of the more frustrating ones to work with.

Waterbear · Sep 18, 2021 at 11:04 AM

And it is still a no from me...

ArtleyWilkins · Sep 20, 2021 at 08:19 AM

I'm no longer in therapy - haven't been for about 10 years - but I do FB with my old therapists. They are aware of my husband's battle with Covid and recent death, and each of them has reached out to me (several times) in the last 6 months just letting me know they are there if I need them, particularly my last therapist who is in my area. They care and have always cared quite genuinely.

SlumberKitty · Sep 20, 2021 at 11:48 AM

I had an incident last week with my IOP individual therapist that led me to think she doesn't care (we are actually doing a check in--30 minute appointment--today to go over this and my SH urges). She wanted to see the SH wounds and I was hesitant to show her but I did because I'm a people pleaser. She didn't say anything particularly empathetic. Just put some Neosporin on that and some gauze and tape. Nothing like, I'm so sorry you were hurting so much. Even though I know therapists can't say stuff like that. Anyway, kind of left me feeling that she doesn't care. But then she suggested this 30 minute check in so maybe she does and just sucked at showing it. I don't know.

velcro003 · Sep 20, 2021 at 08:55 PM

Kit, I do not think it is out of bounds for a T to say that they are sorry you are hurting so much. I could see my T saying something like that to me.

SlumberKitty · Sep 21, 2021 at 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

Kit, I do not think it is out of bounds for a T to say that they are sorry you are hurting so much. I could see my T saying something like that to me.

Thanks. I had a T describe it that way once to me so I thought that was common for all T's. The IOP T does say stuff like, I'm sorry you have had such a hard week and stuff like that which feels more like sympathy than empathy, actually. But she did schedule me the 30 minute check in yesterday which is an action that shows she cares. Then last night at IOP I had to report that I had SH urges and the therapist asked me to stay after so I did and we talked about my support and my coping skills that I was going to use and that showed that she cared about me. She could have just let me leave the class without asking me to stay and process. So that is kind of nice. She didn't say anything particularly empathetic either. She just said let's put a plan together to keep you safe. Or something like that. But sometimes actions speak louder than words.

Omers · Sep 29, 2021 at 10:31 AM

Wow, some of the replies here break my heart… and I can remember when I was working with those kinds of T’s.
Yes, yes, absolutely yes T, art T and Pdoc care about my feelings especially hurt/pain. OMG yes they care!
T shows it in typical masculine ways… like getting pissed off at my husband. He has also cried a little with me while apologizing that no one did anything. He is very firm that he never wants my discomfort in therapy or in the therapeutic process to go over a 5 (which we have discussed what a 5 is).

Art T has cried when I showed her a picture of my mother and I when I was about 3. She said my mom looked like pure evil and told me how she wanted to scoop up “that baby” and just hold her and love on her.

Pdoc shows it the least but she is quick with hugs when I am in pain… even if I have to drive almost an hour to get there after she closes to talk for a couple minutes and get hugs.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 29, 2021 at 11:48 AM

P didn't...or if she did, she had a funny way of showing it. R has always shown empathy for what I have been through/am going through. What I will say is that it's much harder to feel that over Zoom.

I'm eager to be in the same room with R again, although I have no idea when that will be. I started keeping a list of 'Things To Talk About Later', but it got pretty long, so I stopped. I'm holding back a lot over Zoom, in the interests of keeping myself functional.

Mountaindewed · Sep 29, 2021 at 12:13 PM

My therapist decided to dump me through email after I told her I felt like she wasn’t helping but was hurting and I felt she was being unprofessional. What kind of therapist dumps their client in the first place with no immediate plan B and who does it through an email? Yeah she gave zero ****s about me.

I’m hoping this next one goes well. But I need to be careful that I don’t over share about my med situation or go overboard about my food issues or act like I’m a needy client even though I kind of am. This kind of behavior makes me unlikeable. Although I’m 99.9% my last therapist didn’t like me because she’s a bigot.

nottrustin · 12:54 PM

Yesterday I found a way to express to her just how much I am struggling. She knows I have been but not to what extent. She knows I have been dealing with multiple significant stressers.

She became very concerned about my wellbeing (I am not suicidal). I am burning out from work (healthcare) mixed with personal life stressers. She straight up said she recently had a friend dealing with something very similar and now has life long ramifications. She worries I may be heading there and cares about me. She does not want that for me.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Does T care how much you hurt?

My Support Forums

satsuma Grand Member Member Since Feb 2017 Location: UK Posts: 913 7 469 hugs given	Sep 06, 2021 at 04:11 PM #22 Yes, I definitely think so. But he needs to have a way to not care too much. Otherwise if he was upset when his clients were upset then he would spend too much of his life being upset, because people often seek out therapy because of upsetting things.
	Reply With Quote

Waterbear Magnate Member Since Feb 2016 Location: England Posts: 2,408 8 1,316 hugs given	Sep 08, 2021 at 05:11 PM #23 Right now, I would have to say no... Which goes against everything that I have ever known or felt about her. To say I am confused is an understatement.
	Reply With Quote

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,412 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,427 hugs given	Sep 08, 2021 at 09:57 PM #25 I'm sorry that's your experience, but not all Ts are like that. I know I don't disappear for L or T after the 50mins. L checks in everyday with me, and sometimes sends me links to things that remind her of me. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
	Reply With Quote

MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,132 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,837 hugs given	Sep 18, 2021 at 04:10 AM #29 My t gives zero shits about me, I'm just one of many clients and probably one of the more frustrating ones to work with. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
	Reply With Quote

Waterbear Magnate Member Since Feb 2016 Location: England Posts: 2,408 8 1,316 hugs given	Sep 18, 2021 at 11:04 AM #30 And it is still a no from me...
	Reply With Quote

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Sep 20, 2021 at 08:55 PM #33 Kit, I do not think it is out of bounds for a T to say that they are sorry you are hurting so much. I could see my T saying something like that to me.
	Reply With Quote