Uncomfortable Subjects

Hi everyone. I don't really post much, but I have a question. Do any of you have a problem discussing sexual issues with your opposite sex T? I feel that it would be awkward, or possibly even cross some kind of boundary. The issues don't involve any type of attraction or feelings toward the T, but are just past events that are affecting me now. We have been circling the issue for a few sessions, and I have come to the point that I think some more in depth explanation may be necessary for moving forward. T doesn't pressure me to give details, so maybe T doesn't want to know? Or maybe T thinks my spouse should be present when talking about sex? (That really isn't something I want...I need to be able to be open without worrying about hurting my spouse.) I don't know how to go about divulging these things, though, because I just feel dirty and ashamed when bringing them up to someone of the opposite sex.

I don't know if it would help to talk to a same sex T, and so much progress has been made that I wouldn't consider changing T's right now anyway. Maybe it could be a benefit, even, to open up to someone of the opposite sex who is safe and won't hurt me. Any thoughts?

Maybe you could start with a discussion about how you feel "dirty and ashamed" to bring up sexual subjects to someone of the opposite sex? Perhaps an opportunity will present itself to give a personal example and make it a bit easier. Just discussing the discussion of sex shouldn't be too bad :-)

I agree with Perna . Also - I have the same problem - you're not alone! Hang in there friend!

Jully,
I am a female who has a male T. I have spoken with him about various sexual issues. It can be difficult but it has always been worth it. Just thought I'd share Good luck!

Your T has likely heard it ALL before many times. I'd agree with the 2 previous posters. Just preface with "wow...this is hard for me...but it feels important, so I'm going to just push through the difficulty".

You'll do fine.

Gook Luck

Campy

I have spoken to my T about sexual concerns and other related topics. It was hard at first but he's very open to discussing stuff like this so that made it easier.

I like Perna's idea too...good luck

im a woman and have a woman T and I've been straight TERRIFIED, so i understand.

i actually don't know. first because i am a woman with a woman T, but second because i don't think those are issues in my life. I guess if sex was an issue and i had a concern i felt needed to be explored, i would want to talk to my T about it, but even though shes a girl i think i would have trouble with it. actually i don't think i could bring myself to bring it up, unless i wrote it to her in an email to talk about later. anyway, thats just my input.

i'm with estersvirtue... totally triggering for me and terrified. i did have a male t the first time and when he asked me, i stared at my shoes for the whole hour - not a word. he told me "that was a waste of my time and yours". he's just a bad t - sounds like you have a good one.

I forgot to say...been there! with male T, discussed details of ucky childhood, and a lot of stuff from adulthood...

....like the quality of orgasms on various medications! (in a discussion of why i switched from a med that work very good on my depression to one which works less well)

pretty much thought i was going to pass out after that chat.

camp

I'm a female with a female T and that does NOT help at all! Good luck.

I'm a female with a male T and my T says God gave us sexual feelings to enjoy.

I have a female T and I'm female. We don't talk much about sexual feelings of any sort, but we need to. I have very messed up ideas about sexuality, I think, because of sexual abuse. I actually just sent her an email about it - we'll see how that goes.

I think sometimes talking with an opposite sex T can give you an opportunity to ask questions and hear the other side. I like all the ideas suggested. I think you can also say, "this is hard for me so if you can help me by asking questions too."
******Possible trigger********
I'm in the middle of some of these discussions myself right now. Today my T told me, "not all guys just want to get laid. A lot do, but some want to wait a bit and care about their partner first. So it is OK for you to go slow and tell them they'll have to wait until you are ready." I said, "even if they are clearly turned on and hoping?" He said, "a hard on doesn't create an obligation on your part." OK then.

I've found as difficult as the conversations can be, they usually make me feel closer to my T.

Thanks to everyone for the input! I'm going to try and talk some of the issues over at my next session.

I have a same-sex T and I have trouble talking about sexual issues. I'm attracted to her, though. I think I'm afraid of getting embarassed because she knows I'm attracted to her. Part of me is afraid of creeping her out, grossing her out (she's hetero) or crossing her boundaries, too.

I'm female and have a male T. Sometimes I talk with him about sexual issues for me. I have always found these conversations helpful. I think it's perfectly fine to discuss with him when you're ready. And I wouldn't think your partner needed to be privy to the conversation at all. It's good to have a safe space to talk about anything.

Sidony

I am a female with a male T. I had a lot of problems with this at first and it was really bothering me because I did have a big sexual issue that I wanted to talk with him about. This was mainly a problem for me, though, because I have a massive erotic transference thing going on... so to discuss with him why I was having so much trouble talking about sex of any kind was nearly impossible. Finally, one day it just came out and I said, "I can't talk about sex because if I talk about sex that might mean I really want to have sex with you!!" Geez. He replied with, "Well it only took you two years to say it." After this, things got a lot easier-- both with discussing general sexual issues and my sexual issues regarding him. If you are not experiencing any sort of sexual attraction or feeling towards your T then I would say just start out talking about how you don't want to talk about it. That's always the best thing-- analyze the resistance. I also felt as though talking about sex meant that we were crossing boundaries. You need to figure out why this is. Call this to the attention of your T-- it is up to him to help ensure that those boundaries are safe for both of you and will NOT be crossed by talking.