Couch 232: Not Sully!

Also glad they're working with you and that you're able to change departments.

I would have made one of them the host
on zoom and left. I often do this with students who meet with me in a group and then they want to keep talking and I want to leave.

I would have done this...except this Zoom account is through my school and for security reasons I can't allow anyone outside my institution to host when I'm not present. These women are outside my school (it's my writer's group).

Anyway, I'm sure the whole thing is minor to you all, but it also hurt to suddenly be wallpaper.

Hm - I wonder if we have that rule and I have just been ignoring it. I have done it with people who were not students/from school as well. I am probably on double secret probation.

I'm sorry it was hurtful. I would have felt hurt too and been thinking something snarky at them. Depending on the day I might have even said it, every now and then my brain-to-mouth filter forgets to work.

I'm on break for another few minutes... on phones again this morning for 4 hours. I can handle these 4 hour stretches much better than the full 8 hours of it on Mondays. I hope we can go back to our usual jobs soon!! Once they let us get off phones we won't have to do overtime to keep up with our normal job. Who knows if that will ever happen though with covid numbers the way they still are. they can't keep enough people in the call centers.

*hugs* Artie.

Eight hours on the phone would be enough for anybody - I'm not surprised you can tolerate the four hour stretches better. I hope the situation stabilises soon so that you can get back to working the way it sounds like you want to.

Started the Olanzapine today that the ER doctor gave me. I feel pretty relaxed but I think I am starting to feel sedated. IDK. I feel pretty chill. I made an appointment with my psychiatrist for next week because the ER doctor only gave me like 10 days worth of medication. So that way my psychiatrist can prescribe me some more. Or he might want to change my medications. I hope it doesn't make me hungry though. I don't need to gain weight. I'm hoping that I will be feeling better soon. I got my lab results from the ER so I am taking those to my doctor today so she can see them, my primary care doctor. And I faxed a copy to my psychiatrist. Whenever I get labs done I always fax him so he can see what is going on with me. I just got labs done on Saturday so when I get those back I will send my psychiatrist those results as well.

So, today, i met with Dr. T outside at the tables of the coffee shop downstairs from his office. I imagine I've mentioned before that his office is across the street from ex-MC's (and ex-T's). About 2 minutes into the session, who walks into the coffee shop? Ex-MC (with a woman who I assume was a client...or possibly his girlfriend?) I said something like, "sh**" and turned the other way. Dr. T said, "What, is it [ex-MC's first name]?" Me: "Yeah." Dr. T: "What are the chances of that?"

I was a bit out of sorts for the first 10 minutes or so, but then I was like that last time I met with him outside in June as well (and I think for the first in-person session in July). But, I got it together and was OK, didn't get emotional, was able to discuss unrelated things. We didn't see him leave--I do wonder if maybe it was a client and he was doing a session in there (as he met with me and H there once), or else he did see me and snuck out the back. I mentioned that to Dr. T, and he said, jokingly, "You don't want to go in and say hi?" Me; "No."

Session itself was OK--Dr. T said because we were in public, he tried not to go too far "into the onion" (a metaphor he uses at times). I said I realized I was starting to go there at one point (something with D, where I felt the tears coming) and backed off, to which Dr. T said, "I could tell." At the end, he said, "It was good to see you," which was nice. (Especially considering the last time we met outside, I said that at the end, and he...didn't say anything. I mentioned it to him later, and he said he must not have heard me, which was likely the case, but it still had felt bad at the time.)

Still feeling OK about the ex-MC sighting, which I think is a positive sign that I've generally moved on. (I mean, we'll see how I'm feeling later...)

*hugs*, LT. I'm proud of you for being able to continue with your session.

I still remember how awful I felt when I just thought I'd seen P at one of my Mum's art exhibitions. Now I'm not so sure it was her, but...same height, same hair.

The stress continues... However, I might have found our next apartment. It's an hour away, but in a nice town near grocery stores and pharmacy. The complex is really nice and gated. The place is small, but I think we can fit. There's even a built-in desk for H. The only problems is it's far, it has carpet throughout, and my dad's room will be smaller. The men have agreed to fill out an application, and then go see it on Saturday. I hope it works out. Then I can start packing which will be another stressor.

I hope it works out, Scarlet!

Yesterday the vet criticised me for how hard i pat my cats head whcih isnt nearly as hard as he has alwayas headbutted me. Its not that hard honestly.

Thanks, Lost. Now I think I'm sort of paying the price for acting in the moment like, "It's fine, I'm fine." Because now I'm all weepy. I mean, it had been more than 3 years since I'd seen him in person. We'd emailed on occasion since then, but it's been over a year (I sent a sort of check-in email early in the pandemic).


On a lighter note, it occurred to me that this was like running into my ex while out with my current boyfriend (who happens to be younger and, well, more attractive).

Does anyone watch Kristen Hampton Good News videos on facebook? I ran across one earlier today but I can't find it back now unfortunately - anyway I thought of those here who were recently feeling worried about upcoming mammograms. she posted a video of her own mammogram to help allay people's fears. Might be helpful for someone. I'm still trying to find it back.

H is a travelin' man this week. Seal Beach, CA just the other night, then today, they sent him to Las Cruces, New Mexico!

I love las cruces!

Feeling less OK now about the ex-MC sighting... Just got through a panic attack/crying spell that may or may not have been related. I think I made the mistake of trying to convince myself I was totally fine instead of just letting myself feel whatever (not the first time that's led to a panic attack).

That's...odd. How did this conversation even come about?

I put off my apartment AC conversion, until i call them back. I AM making progress on my cleanup. It is SOOOO good not to have even that little deadline hanging over my head. I do NOT handle stress well - at all.

I make better choices without stress.