Does your therapist use terms of endearment?

Mountaindewed · Sep 18, 2021 at 08:20 PM

When I leave her office she always says “bye my dear.” Or just “bye dear.” And part of me doesn’t mind it because the word is gender neutral but at the same time I’m wondering if she’s taking me seriously when she says that. She almost called me ma’am right after I told her I am trans but she caught herself just in time.

Does your therapist use any words like dear, hon, or sweetie? How does it make you feel?

NP_Complete · Sep 18, 2021 at 09:33 PM

No, but if he did, I don't think I'd like it. From a male those words feel a bit paternalistic. If my therapist were female, I still don't think I'd care for it.

velcro003 · Sep 18, 2021 at 09:36 PM

My T was saying bye to me once, and started to say "bye, hon," but caught herself. I think it is a little funny. Otherwise, no, and if it did happen regularly, I think I would be annoyed at her.

MuddyBoots · Sep 19, 2021 at 03:03 AM

I think she has but I honestly don't remember because I don't care.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 19, 2021 at 03:34 AM

R has used terms of endearment from something like the second year of our therapeutic relationship. I value the fact that she uses them, because it's one way of reassuring me that nothing else in our relationship has changed.

She's the only person who calls me 'lovely', and it means a lot.

Quietmind 2 · Sep 19, 2021 at 06:11 AM

My newish pdoc called me dear once, as I was leaving. "Take care, dear."

It was unfamiliar and confusing, and kicked up inside chatter in my head.

Sep 19, 2021 at 06:41 AM

no but I honestly wish that she would

I love those sort of words. makes me feel loved and respected

sometimes, just a "hi", or hello makes me think I've done something wrong

LonesomeTonight · Sep 19, 2021 at 06:58 AM

Mine does not, with one exception: Something came up about age. He's 7 years older than me. And he said, "I'm a lot older than you are, honey." It bothered me at the time, partly because I thought he didn't know my (approximate) age and also the "honey" thing felt a bit condescending the way he said it. We had an email exchange, and he said it sounded very different in his head and realized when he read it, that it didn't sound so good. And also that being almost 50 felt much older to him than early 40s, but that was about him, not me. He has not used anything like "honey" since then.

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 19, 2021 at 08:57 AM

Noun terms of endearment (i.e. sweetie, honey, etc.), no. Adjectives, yes, when addressing me in an email. She'll often call me precious or sweet. I don't think I'd like the nouns. I think it would make me feel minimized or ...?

My Pdoc calls me Miss Scarlet. I hate it.

RoxanneToto · Sep 19, 2021 at 11:23 AM

Mine doesn’t, and I like it that way though wouldn’t be too bothered if she accidentally did. I don’t think she uses those words round clients, anyway.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 19, 2021 at 05:53 PM

When she has, on rare occasions, it's been "my dear". I like it.

Mountaindewed · Sep 19, 2021 at 07:49 PM

I guess because my therapist is only 6 years older then me it comes off as though she’s talking to me like I’m mentally challenged. Or is being sarcastic. It’s tough to tell when she’s being legit or is just being sarcastic.

Deejay14 · Sep 19, 2021 at 07:50 PM

No that hasn't happened and I don't think it ever will.

Gawain · Sep 19, 2021 at 08:03 PM

That seems rather unprofessional, even if in the end there's nothing malicious behind it.

It's still a physician-patient relationship and a certain professional distance and decorum should be maintained I believe.

stopdog · Sep 19, 2021 at 08:26 PM

Not that I recall - I imagine I would have reacted badly to such a thing. Not the therapist's place to use such language at me.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Sep 20, 2021 at 06:07 AM

No, but that's not something that's usual in my language. Had tons of waiters in the US call me "honey", that would never happen here.

But it would weird me out even if we were speaking English, I don't like to be talked to like that usually.

Lonelyinmyheart · Sep 20, 2021 at 07:06 AM

Yes mine does especially when I'm upset. I really like it.

ArtleyWilkins · Sep 20, 2021 at 08:15 AM

I don't think mine did, but my T's were all male. I live in the south, and there is a definite tendency to use such endearments as just part of the vernacular. It probably wouldn't even hit my radar if they did - so common to hear it around here.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 20, 2021 at 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

I don't think mine did, but my T's were all male. I live in the south, and there is a definite tendency to use such endearments as just part of the vernacular. It probably wouldn't even hit my radar if they did - so common to hear it around here.

This is a good point, how it could partly be related to the geographic area. In the area where I grew up, Baltimore, "Hon" is a very common term of endearment, like a waitress might say, "Here you go, Hon," when serving your food. Not meant in any sort of condescending or patronizing way, just how many people speak. Though much more common for women to use that than men.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Sep 20, 2021 at 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

This is a good point, how it could partly be related to the geographic area. In the area where I grew up, Baltimore, "Hon" is a very common term of endearment, like a waitress might say, "Here you go, Hon," when serving your food. Not meant in any sort of condescending or patronizing way, just how many people speak. Though much more common for women to use that than men.

It's definitely a cultural thing.
Depending on region in the US (I traveled all over, only haven't visited Hawaii), different terms were used and to different extends, in Europe in some countries it's done too, like in France you'll say "my dear" in some regions, or in Italy and older lady will certainly talk like that to you sometimes. In other parts like Germany it's not done at all, as far as I've seen, and to people from there it's usually weird to be talked to like that.

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NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,807 7 6,349 hugs given	Sep 18, 2021 at 09:33 PM #2 No, but if he did, I don't think I'd like it. From a male those words feel a bit paternalistic. If my therapist were female, I still don't think I'd care for it.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Sep 18, 2021 at 09:36 PM #3 My T was saying bye to me once, and started to say "bye, hon," but caught herself. I think it is a little funny. Otherwise, no, and if it did happen regularly, I think I would be annoyed at her.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,096 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Sep 19, 2021 at 03:03 AM #4 I think she has but I honestly don't remember because I don't care. __________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again
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Quietmind 2 Poohbah Member Since Jan 2020 Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave Posts: 1,243 4 8 hugs given	Sep 19, 2021 at 06:11 AM #6 My newish pdoc called me dear once, as I was leaving. "Take care, dear." It was unfamiliar and confusing, and kicked up inside chatter in my head.
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Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 19, 2021 at 06:41 AM #7 no but I honestly wish that she would I love those sort of words. makes me feel loved and respected sometimes, just a "hi", or hello makes me think I've done something wrong
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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,407 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,405 hugs given	Sep 19, 2021 at 08:57 AM #9 Noun terms of endearment (i.e. sweetie, honey, etc.), no. Adjectives, yes, when addressing me in an email. She'll often call me precious or sweet. I don't think I'd like the nouns. I think it would make me feel minimized or ...? My Pdoc calls me Miss Scarlet. I hate it. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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RoxanneToto Grand Poohbah Member Since Aug 2020 Location: England Posts: 1,692 3 6,991 hugs given	Sep 19, 2021 at 11:23 AM #10 Mine doesn’t, and I like it that way though wouldn’t be too bothered if she accidentally did. I don’t think she uses those words round clients, anyway.
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,224 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,756 hugs given	Sep 19, 2021 at 05:53 PM #11 When she has, on rare occasions, it's been "my dear". I like it.
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,133 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,749 hugs given	Sep 19, 2021 at 07:49 PM #12 I guess because my therapist is only 6 years older then me it comes off as though she’s talking to me like I’m mentally challenged. Or is being sarcastic. It’s tough to tell when she’s being legit or is just being sarcastic. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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Deejay14 Poohbah Member Since Sep 2016 Location: USA Posts: 1,460 7 41 hugs given	Sep 19, 2021 at 07:50 PM #13 No that hasn't happened and I don't think it ever will. __________________ True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson
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Gawain Junior Member Member Since Sep 2021 Location: Colombia Posts: 15 2	Sep 19, 2021 at 08:03 PM #14 That seems rather unprofessional, even if in the end there's nothing malicious behind it. It's still a physician-patient relationship and a certain professional distance and decorum should be maintained I believe.
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ChickenNoodleSoup Grand Poohbah Member Since Apr 2017 Location: In a land far far away Posts: 1,574 7 1,304 hugs given	Sep 20, 2021 at 06:07 AM #16 No, but that's not something that's usual in my language. Had tons of waiters in the US call me "honey", that would never happen here. But it would weird me out even if we were speaking English, I don't like to be talked to like that usually.
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Lonelyinmyheart Poohbah Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 1,093 4 1,732 hugs given	Sep 20, 2021 at 07:06 AM #17 Yes mine does especially when I'm upset. I really like it.
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ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	Sep 20, 2021 at 08:15 AM #18 I don't think mine did, but my T's were all male. I live in the south, and there is a definite tendency to use such endearments as just part of the vernacular. It probably wouldn't even hit my radar if they did - so common to hear it around here.
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