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View Poll Results: What way do you have of reaching your T outside of sessions?
None 8 23.53%
None
8 23.53%
Text only 3 8.82%
Text only
3 8.82%
Email only 5 14.71%
Email only
5 14.71%
Text, Email 10 29.41%
Text, Email
10 29.41%
Some other platform only 0 0%
Some other platform only
0 0%
Text and/or email and/or other platform 8 23.53%
Text and/or email and/or other platform
8 23.53%
Voters: 34. You may not vote on this poll

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ArtieTheSequal
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Default Sep 25, 2021 at 09:38 AM
  #21
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Originally Posted by Waterbear View Post
Artie, we seem to be very similar indeed!! A little t of what you explained about why you email is so very similar to mine. I think it would have taken a lot longer to get to the point we are now without them.

I Also am very aware that their time is limited and important for them, and do not want to be a pest. I have written something for her to read about this and in it I say that I think therapy should be about finding a mutually convenient way of working that feels settled, sustainable and positive for both parties. I'm a little hopeful we can find a way forwards that will work.

I am also a slow cooker, lol, but like with weight loss, I think if the changes are gradual and very deep and real, they can be maintained for much longer than short term, superficial changes.

Ooh I absolutely agree with that last part... thank you! you just made me feel better about still being in therapy approaching our 10 year mark. I am making slow, gradual changes that are deep, real and lasting. I kind of laugh at myself here though, because it can take some time for those changes to settle in too... like, I'll think something or other has changed but then we have to circle back to it.... and then it settles in even deeper? Don't know if that makes sense? We have done a LOT of "circling back" to things over the years. I'm in such a good place mentally right now, so I figure it must be about time for some of that circling back to happen I think I'm overdue haha
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ScarletPimpernel
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Default Sep 25, 2021 at 12:53 PM
  #22
I can email and call her whenever I need to. I usually call her for emergencies or check-ins. Sometimes I call and don't leave a message just to hear her voice. I can email her for anything and everything: reassurances, check-ins, something we find that we want to share with the other, etc. I find emails so helpful to maintain a connection and work on object constancy.

And I can text her on the telehealth app, but we never do because one of us forgets to check.

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Default Sep 25, 2021 at 02:51 PM
  #23
Usually I send an email. She generally responds on the same day and will offer other ways to contact her if we need to discuss the matter. I have her cell number but never call unless she asks me too. I only text her right before my appointment so she can come downstairs to get me. The other option I have is to call the ACT team number to ask for her, but that involves talking to a human, so I don't bother.

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Default Sep 25, 2021 at 05:43 PM
  #24
i used to have pretty much unlimited access to my therapist for many years. texts, emails...phone calls. but i became so dependent on these outside communications for reassurances that it ended up becoming a nightmare of me feeling despair if he didnt respond or didnt respond the way i wanted. it was a rollercoaster and i spent a large amount of time being distressed over it. and then i began literally harassing him to the point that he had to block me. im not proud of that. BUT after he blocked me and i chilled TF out with that stuff, ive felt so much more at ease and secure in our relationship. having BPD/ptsd and esp having trauma that directly relates to psychotherapy and a former therapist kinda set the stage for me to get severely dependent on my therapist , to the point that it was detrimental for both of us

so these days i only talk to T during appointments

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Default Sep 27, 2021 at 03:51 AM
  #25
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Originally Posted by junkDNA View Post
i used to have pretty much unlimited access to my therapist for many years. texts, emails...phone calls. but i became so dependent on these outside communications for reassurances that it ended up becoming a nightmare of me feeling despair if he didnt respond or didnt respond the way i wanted. it was a rollercoaster and i spent a large amount of time being distressed over it. and then i began literally harassing him to the point that he had to block me. im not proud of that. BUT after he blocked me and i chilled TF out with that stuff, ive felt so much more at ease and secure in our relationship. having BPD/ptsd and esp having trauma that directly relates to psychotherapy and a former therapist kinda set the stage for me to get severely dependent on my therapist , to the point that it was detrimental for both of us

so these days i only talk to T during appointments

This is exactly how I feel it would go for me if I had more ways of contacting him. I appreciate a way to get an extra 15 minutes of phone call in, but anything more than that and I'd constantly depend on it (had to even learn to not depend on the calls, still an ongoing thing).
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Default Sep 28, 2021 at 02:06 AM
  #26
I said none, but that isn't strictly true. I can contact T by text or email - but only for scheduling. Nothing else.
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LonesomeTonight
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Default Sep 28, 2021 at 05:16 AM
  #27
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Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup View Post
This is exactly how I feel it would go for me if I had more ways of contacting him. I appreciate a way to get an extra 15 minutes of phone call in, but anything more than that and I'd constantly depend on it (had to even learn to not depend on the calls, still an ongoing thing).

I was actually wondering this weekend if it might be better in some ways if my T was less accessible, in terms of email. I debated emailing him about something from Friday's session that was distressing me, but then I was trying to just sit with it (which I was able to do, with some difficulty). But if emailing him over the weekend (and getting a reply) wasn't an option, then I would just thought "OK, guess I'll just have to wait till Monday."

And in the past, I've often opted to email him rather than just sit with whatever is bothering/upsetting me because I know he'll reply (though he does occasionally reply saying something is better for a full discussion in session). I've done better with choosing to sit with it lately, but it can be so tempting to just send an email and get reassurance (or whatever I'm looking for) relatively quickly.

We've also had a few ruptures/conflicts that were at least somewhat tied to an email exchange--like maybe they started in session, but then got worse over email. Or he misunderstood what I was looking for from an email, then I was upset with his response (I now try to be clear what I'm looking for).


Like once, I did email him while he was on vacation and said something like, "Hi, Just making sure you're still alive." And he replied with something like, "You're funny--no I haven't been eaten by a wolf or bear or anything!" (referencing something I'd said before he left). But I wasn't trying to joke--at the time I was struggling with his being away, and it felt like I was making light of that (he knows me better now, so wouldn't respond that way unless I was clear about joking).


But that's a case where, if he hadn't allowed email while he was away, that conflict wouldn't have happened. (The most recent time he was away, I didn't contact him at all.)
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Default Sep 28, 2021 at 07:10 AM
  #28
Yeah, I started therapy back in the olden days before the internet and definitely before cell phones. So, I never had the expectation of emails or texts. Picking up the old landline phone and calling was the only option. It wasn't until I restarted therapy the last time that email and texting could have been an option, but honestly, fortunately, my therapist didn't offer either. It helped learn to sit with emotions a bit and give myself time to work through whatever was going on - kind of an important skill. IF I picked up that phone to make a phone call, my therapist knew I had tried to deal on my own and the call was emergent - so did I.

My pdoc once told me he always knew if I was calling, it was an emergency, that I had never called him for a reason that could have or should have waited, and he encouraged me to always always tell the answering service it was an emergency if I was needing to contact him. Yes, he had patients who abused contact, but I wasn't one of them. (That whole conversation came up because I called his answering service the gatekeepers - LOL - and he told me to just tell them it is an emergency and they'd contact him.)
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Default Sep 28, 2021 at 05:17 PM
  #29
This is a really interesting discussion, not least because it turns out a lot of us probably use emails for different reasons, maybe even at different stages in our journey, something I hadn't really considered before.
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Default Sep 28, 2021 at 08:54 PM
  #30
My T allows emails, phone calls and texts (mainly for scheduling, though I have texted her when I was feeling REALLY bad and needed a more emergent response). I am highly avoidant, and I have learned over the years that when I do write her, it isn't "too much," and she appreciates what I have to say. It has been hard for me, but I can go weeks or months without emailing her, so I try to keep that in mind as well.
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